Friendships

The way we form friendships is changing. No longer are they formed only face to face, some chance meeting, but now they are formed in cyber world.

I just wanted to take a moment to thank all my cyber friends for the support I've been receiving here on the blog. It really means a lot getting an encouraging word when one is sorely needed.

Tonight I talked with one of my e-friends on the phone for close to two hours. She did more to pick up my spirits and encourage me. She's even pumped me up enough to clean out the school room tomorrow! I enjoy listening to all she's going through in life at the moment and her homeschooling journey. Thank you, Blue Hen.

Thank you to my Georgia Peach and Becky, who have also stuck by me in all my craziness. It means a lot.

And thanks to everyone for reading my blog when I have clearly gone way off topic for so long. Your comments mean a lot. And even if people read and don't comment, thanks for sticking with me.

I have a few friends here in my small town, but they're the kind I have to watch what I say. I feel so liberated here at the blog to be myself. (Okay, I don't swear on the blog and I do say an occasional naughty word in real life, but I try to have a little class here.)

So thank you, to all my friends.

I hope to stick more to homeschooling and less on my woes in the future. I won't quit whining, but I'll try to curb it.

I leave you with a poem:

Internet Friends
by Ann Stareyes

My Internet Friends
You're so dear to my heart.

Family I've found
Real friendship I've received
I love you all so
Every moment shared
Never will be forgot
Deep within my heart
Special friends I cherish.

Sleep, Or Lack Thereof

It is 7:10 am. I have been up all night. Not by choice.

In the last week, I have had three sleepless nights. Normally I can drift off when Bob gets up and starts getting ready for work. Today I didn't because his jeans were in the washer and I got up and threw them in the dryer so he'd have something to wear to work. Nice of me, eh?

I think I'm going to try to stay up.

I think this lack of sleep is due to the grieving process. I constantly think of my Dad, I worry about his house selling, I re-live the past five months over and over and over. I worry about Thomas. I worry about school, and my inability to finish getting it all planned out. We're good to go, really, but I'm a planner and I haven't done that anal planning that I like to do with pretty planner pages. I'm just weird that way.

Okay, so to add to the grieving, I have anxiety issues. Obviously. This is just stupid, because lack of sleep -- or lack of eight hours -- is really bad for my health. I'm the type that needs eight hours, nine is ideal. It's like a vicious cycle: lack of sleep produces anxiety, anxiety produces lack of sleep.

I've stated before, I am ready to start school so we'll get that routine going. That will help.

On the other hand, all these sleepless hours were spent researching commonly misspelled words. I'm making up my own list, then I'll make some very basic worksheets. Thomas, in addition to his spelling program that I bought, is going to have to tough it out with a list of 20 spelling words a week. Whether he likes it or not.

I wonder how long I'll last today. I'll probably end up taking a nap. And then I won't be able to sleep tonight. Nah, I'll go to Walgreen's and re-fill my Ambien prescription. It's been a few weeks since I've been out, so even though I was trying to get by not using it, I think I need it.

At least it's a beautiful morning.

School Supplies

I usually go all out for school supplies. I love school supplies. Fresh pencils with clean, unused erasers, new pens with perfect tips, crisp, fresh paper...ahhh.

So this year I went all out. I got:

1 24-pack of Bic Mark It pens. I did not need these. I have a thousand Sharpies. I just had to try them out. (And yes, I like them -- but I still like Sharpies.) They were on sale for $6.99 at Walgreen's.

4 packs of Black Warrior Pencils .39 a box at Walgreen's.

10 folders at Office Max for a penny apiece.

1 12-pack of Flair markers. For me, not Thomas. I love Flairs.

Two reams of white paper.

And that's it.

I about broke the bank with this year's shopping haul. I think I spent $15 tops.

Normally I spend *a lot* but I just couldn't justify spending money on fun stuff when I have a school room full of it.

This is so out of character for me! When we were at Office Max, I begged Thomas to pick out his two favorite colors of printer paper. I was thinking nice pastel greens or blues or yellows. Imagine my shock when he told me he actually prefers white. AAAACCCK. It's all about color, baby! The horror of it all!

Less is more this year.

Monday

Is it Monday already? My days are blurred.

I don't mind admitting here that I have been in a terrible funk for quite a few days now. I try so hard to stay positive, but my body and soul just ache from fatigue.

School starts two weeks from tomorrow. I follow our local public school schedule, and I'm very thankful they don't start until September.

I have two weeks to get my house in order, school planning completed, laundry caught up, bills paid, estate inventory done -- well, that needs to be done asap, and throw in some final summer fun. It all seems so overwhelming at the moment.

So today I took baby steps. That's the only thing I know to do when I get in a funk. I dug in and built a little momentum and got a little done. Physically, I am still not normal. I'm still on antibiotics, my ears are still popping, and I'm still easily exhausted. The good news is that I'm feeling so, so much better.

I'm wanting to follow my good friend Becky's advice by having a happy new year party. I usually think in terms of school year anyway. It's a little difficult, though, because memories of Dad pop into my head all the time. They make me stop what I'm doing and think and sometimes cry, sometimes smile. I suppose that will go on for awhile. It just makes me very sad that Dad won't be part of new year.

With the new year brings fear of what may or may not happen as well. It will be full of doctor appointments, adjusting to medications, getting the level just right, and my person fear of seizures. I can't get wrapped up in that, though. That fear is what is doing me in.

Breathe. One moment at a time.

Fear aside, I'm very anxious to start school again. I'm anxious and happily anticipating a normal routine. I'm excited to start learning again. I think that will do me more good, help me get back to a better place in my mind. I need that.

Thomas is doing very well. He still has bursts of frustration about his diagnosis and asks questions out of the blue. I think it's on his mind a lot. He's happy, though. Going to summer camp did more good for him, it renewed him. He's cheerful and optimistic.

Onward...more baby steps to take to get everything accomplished.

Puppy Love

My precious puppies this morning.