Sunday, August 03, 2008

I Didn't Cry

Thomas is at camp. We left, and I didn't cry.

It sure is quiet around here.

He started out very happy, I hope he returns happy as well!


Saturday, August 02, 2008

A Very Good Cause

A very good friend of mine sent me an email today. She has a friend, a very cute young boy, who has Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). She is asking her friends to sign a petition to help get funding for treatment and a cure for SMA. I have signed the petition.

Here is some information about SMA from the petition website:
We need your help to move landmark legislation through Congress that will allocate federal resources to non-profit and research organizations focused on finding a treatment and/or cure for SMA.


SMA is an inherited genetic disease that results in loss of nerves in the spinal cord and weakness of the muscles connected with those nerves.
SMA is the #1 genetic killer of children under the age of 2.
SMA is estimated to occur in nearly 1 out of every 6,000 births.
The gene mutation that causes SMA is carried by 1 in every 40 people or nearly 7.5 million Americans.
There is currently no cure, but the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS) have selected SMA as the disease closest to treatment of more than 600 neurological disorders.
Researchers estimate that we are as close as only a few years away from finding a treatment and/or cure.


Please, take a moment to sign the petition. Petition Link

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

wow -- to barlowlf

To Barlowlf,

Thank you so much for leaving the comment on my blog. Your comment brought me to tears--in a good way. I emailed it to my husband at work. I never bother him at work unless it is something important. He had the same reaction.

It was a big deal for me to share the diagnosis here. I felt it was so personal, and since it wasn't my diagnosis, I refrained talking about it while we were in limbo.

Thomas was absolutely insistent that I share the story. It's funny because there are things he doesn't want me to share on the blog. This, he did. He wanted to reach out.

Little did any of us know, someone would be touched so quickly -- or even find our post.

If you continue to read my blog, could you please let us know how your son is doing. Who knows if your son has this, but I'm thankful that you have something to go on. I'm glad that Thomas's story gave you some direction. He will be pleased. This is exactly why he wanted to share.

Best wishes, and you'll be in our thoughts and prayers as well.

Frankie
whisperingwillow @ charter . net
feel free to email me

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Even More Bad News

Thomas was diagnosed yesterday with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy.

I have not blogged about this--the events leading up to this, because I assumed Thomas would feel it too personal. I was wrong.

Sometime around March, after my dad had his heart attack, Thomas asked me if my body ever jerked. I told him sure, as I'm falling asleep. He asked if it ever jerked or jolted any other time. No. He expressed to me that sometimes his body did that.

I took it as a red flag, but we did not have time to do anything about it.

Fast forward to the beginning of June, when I happened to be in conversation with a neurologist. The doctor was describing the onset of Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. He said it starts out with "jerks" of the body at puberty. They typically happen in the morning, and it is typically the upper body, specifically the arms and head. The minute the doctor said this, the tears poured down my face. I knew. I told him that my 12-year-old had been complaining of the jolts or jerks. He said get him in for an EEG.

I scheduled and EEG immediately, but we were unable to get in until yesterday.

So all this while, during the sadness of dad's death, our own medical emergencies, in the back of my head I was worried sick that my baby had epilepsy. I did not struggle with this alone, I shared it with my best friend, but it has been very difficult.

Yesterday was the big day. Bob, Thomas and I were all three very cranky. We drove to a town an hour away (because we don't live in civilization, and there is no neurologist here) for his EEG. The process took about an hour and a half. The tech took a red grease pencil and tape measure and measured Thomas' head, placing red marks. She then attached the electrodes, 23 of them, to his head. That took awhile. Then the test started.

She said it would be a good thing for Thomas to go to sleep. He did. We sat and watched, and could see the EEG on the computer screen. I had no idea what I was looking at, but I did realize there was an awful lot of activity for a child who was asleep.

At one point in the test, I felt a coughing spree coming on. We were not supposed to talk, and I because I also was having difficulty breathing and I felt like the walls were closing in, I stepped out. Thomas was in safe hands, with his dad and the tech. I went outside for some fresh air, got myself a bottle of water, shed a few tears, composed myself and went back in. Oh yeah, I took a Xanax, too.

When I got back in, Thomas was awake and the tech started the strobe light portion of the test. Apparently, some people with epilepsy are photo-sensitive. Pretty soon the test was over and we escaped for lunch.

While at lunch, I broke my tooth. The top third of the back half of one of my bottom teeth just crumbled. Never a dull moment. Will see my dentist today. That was my root canal tooth -- so it was dead anyway.

We drove back to the clinic for the appointment with the doctor. All three of us were scrunched on a bench waiting for the doctor. I personally had a difficult time breathing due to stress. Thomas was tense and tight as a board. Finally the doctor came in.

My heart sunk when he started talking. He was asking all kinds of questions and not getting to the point. I knew it would be a diagnosis we did not want. Bob and I exchanged a look, because he knew, too.

He asked about learning disabilities and ADD. I don't know about ADD, we've never felt the need to get a diagnosis. I do know Thomas has issues with focus. As for learning disabilities, he was diagnosed as twice exceptional: gifted with learning disabilities. I have never shared that diagnosis with Thomas because I knew the learning disability part would crush him. His disability is processing speed. He does have central auditory processing disorder, which he knows about. So I um'ed, er'ed my way through that conversation, because I wasn't going to blurt out LDs right then. It didn't really matter anyway.

The doctor then said that Thomas had a very small airway. He asked us if Thomas snores, which we said yes. He was going to make a referral to the ENT doctor. He explained he wasn't an ENT, but that he would probably have to have his tonsils out to open up his airway. He suspects sleep apnea with Thomas. He thinks the ENT will want a sleep study.

So then he got to the heart of the matter. In a round about way, he gave us the diagnosis of Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy, JME. He started rattling on about medications when Thomas interrupted him. Thomas innocently asked him, "So are you saying I have epilepsy?" The doctor said yes. Thomas's body just went limp. I don't think he heard a lot after that.

At this point it seemed the whole conversation was rushed. I was feeling confused and also I was not thinking clearly enough to ask questions. Bob took over, thankfully, because my brain was shut down. The doctor prescribed a medication.

I was able to get in that Thomas goes to summer camp on Sunday, and should he start the med now or wait. Now. And there are no restrictions on what Thomas can do at camp either, as long as there are lifeguards during swimming and safety equipment on the rock climbing walls and high stuff. There is.

The doctor dropped the ball on explaining epilepsy and what exactly this diagnosis means to Thomas. The only thing he really said to him was that there are far worse things he could have. And there are. But to a 12-year-old, and his parents, this isn't so great. This has life-long consequences. What has started out as jerks has an 80-percent chance of developing into grand mal seizures. However, this is the most controllable form of epilepsy. The chances of a normal life are great.

Normal--define normal. Thomas will not be able to fly an airplane. Thomas will not be able to join the military. The chances are good that his college education will be paid for due to his disability. Many family members have received that benefit. And yes, he is officially disabled.

Epilepsy is no stranger to us. It runs in Bob's family. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Society has long put attached a stigma to it. "Have a fit" is a common expression that stems from epileptic seizures. I thought Thomas would want this kept private. He doesn't, because he wants the world to know that it's just misfiring of the electricity in a brain. That's all. It's a short circuit, if you will.

When we got home yesterday, we talked about what would be likely: the development of grand mal seizures. We talked about the few limitations he would have in life. We talked about the need for quality sleep on a nightly basis--no more staying up late. It was all very overwhelming to Thomas, and he ended up crying--a lot. We all three snuggled in mom and dad's bed, and our puppies joined us. In between tears, we had comic relief from our puppies.

We are on our way to finding our new normal.

This year has just sucked. I don't know how scared I should be with that ENT referral. Thomas isn't looking forward to a possible surgery. Neither am I. We're still mourning the loss of my dad, Thomas's Grandpa Charlie. We still miss our Jerry Lee. We still seem to have this black cloud hanging over our heads.

But we are all thankful that we have good health care, that time will heal all wounds, and life will go on. I worry about Thomas, my 12-year-old boy, and the amount of trauma he has been through this year. It's so much. I'm learning, though, that the has good character, he's remaining positive and accepting things. He's stronger than I could have imagined. He cries when he needs to. He lives in the moment, enjoying time with his friends. He's typical 12, moody and establishing his independence. I am very proud of him.

As he told me last night: I have epilepsy, mom, but it doesn't have to have me.

I think we'll survive.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Making the Rounds...

This is making many of the blogs that I read. I'm Just Sayin' asked some questions of homeschoolers, and I decided to answer, too.

1. What was your motivation for homeschooling? Was it based on religious reasons? Was is it based on curriculum - did you want more freedom in choosing what your children were being taught? Was it based on socializing - wanting to have more control in the people with whom your children came into contact with? Was it based on logistics - the nearest school being 20 miles away? What made you finally decide to go this route?

We finished our public school career at the end of the second grade. We homeschool Thomas to meet his emotional and educational needs.


2. Don't hate me for asking this. How to you handle socialization? What steps do you take to make sure your children are around other children and adults? Are you active in a home school group? Do you spend a lot of time at church activities? Maybe you utilize the local Y for activities and they meet friends there?

Starting at the bottom:
No local YMCA, otherwise we would be there.
We are Christians, but we do not go to church. (And I usually do not blog about religion as I feel it is a private thing.)
We are members of a homeschool group -- rather, were. I will not be renewing this year. The homeschool group only does their weekly co-op, and that's just not for us. They're very restrictive, IMHO, that the mother must stay and teach or help, and there's no say in the classes. Nope, too much like public school.
Socialization around adults: Thomas goes with us everywhere, sees us with friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. He was the only child member of our local train club, which sadly recently closed down. He was in the thick of things when my Dad had his heart attack, at the hospital daily for two weeks straight, then again at another hospital and VA until my dad passed away. He was not afraid to ask doctors or nurses questions, even though he's shy.
Socialization with children: Ceramics class, used to be in Cub Scouts until he aged out, and he hangs out at a local after-school hangout that is run by all the churches in our town. He plays with all the neighborhood kids, which vary widely in age. He has friends from public school that he still sees on occasion. We are friends with one homeschool family that we get together with every other month or so. Thomas is going to a week-long summer camp next week. Gulp, that's coming up fast!
I'd say the only difference between Thomas and a public-school kiddo is that he isn't around kids during school hours. Instead, he gets to be around two puppies and two cats and his mom. Dad visits on the lunch hour.
I do worry about socialization. There, I think I'm the only homeschooler that has ever admitted that. HOWEVER, I would worry if he were back in public school. Every parent wants their child to have a good friend, or a couple of good friends. Right now Thomas has "friends" but his GOOD friend moved away.


3. Do you use the public school system for any part of your child's routine? Some children here come to the school for band or chorus, or maybe for science class. Do you send your child to the public school to take advantage of any of their programs?

No, and no thank you. In our state, we are allowed -- I think it's $60 for curriculum. I have never, and will never, apply for the money.


4. Do your children begin and end school at the same time each day? Do they have a strict schedule, at least as far as waking up and reporting to the school area of your home? If not, when/how will you transition your children into following a more rigid schedule - awaking at the same time each day so that they can follow a routine outside of the home like for college and work?

No strict schedule. We usually wake up when we wake up. I do like school started by
9, and our day IS school not other stuff. We are done when we've finished that day's work.

I am not worried about following a routine for college and work at all. You do what you have to do -- go to bed, set an alarm -- piece of cake. We do that from time to time, say on vacation or when visiting an ill loved one. It works.


5. How many spelling bees has your child won? Oh, I'm kidding. We all know most of the recent national spelling bee winners have been home schooled children. I just wanted to throw a little funny in there?

My child can't spell. There, I said it. He knows it, too. He isn't bad, he always hits his grade level on standardized tests, but he's no spelling bee competitor. Now if they had a science bee, he'd be up there.


6. Do you have a sense of humor? It's probably a little late for me to ask that but...

Yes, I have a sense of humor. It doesn't show through in my writing, but I have a wicked sense of humor.


7. Where do you find your curriculum? Do you shop for it and order it? Do you create your own?

Everywhere. Reading blogs, keeping current on the Rainbow Resource catalog, reading homeschool boards, talking with fellow homeschoolers. I create my own on occasion.


8. Do you have any worries at all about teaching your teenagers the higher level math and sciences? I, for one, could not teach chemistry to my children but I could probably teach them calculus. Is this a concern for you?

Chemistry? Oh, yeah, I worry about that. But Thomas is lucky, he has a dad who is really good in science. However, no, I do not worry about teaching upper level courses. If I can't teach something, and Bob can't, we'll get a tutor or do an online class or something.


9. What bothers you the most about the reputation home schoolers have? What things do you hate to hear people say about you for your choice? I really hope you don't say that it's my previous post.

That we're all the same: Denim-jumper wearing fundamentalist Christians. We're as diverse as public school families. Many of us are very open minded about life and people.


10. Be honest, do you, at least in your mind sometimes, judge those of us who choose public school? Do you ever think we are making a bad choice for our children? Are you vocal about that disapproval?

No, I do not judge those who choose public school. Ever. I did it! What I do judge is PUBLIC SCHOOL itself, and I throw comments about teachers around, which I shouldn't because I know there are some great teachers out there. There are some awful teachers, too -- been there, done that. There are many good things about public schools, but there are a lot of problems, too.


11. Is "home school" one word or two? I've seen it both ways. With spellcheck, it shows it as ONE word when used as a verb, but two words when used otherwise. Please enlighten me.

I always write it as one word.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

7th Grade Final Plans

Over the last three days, I've done nothing but homeschool planning and testing. I am very thankful that I mapped out my ideas earlier in the year, because I haven't had the time to spend studying and figuring this summer like I usually do.

As usual, I have planned way too much. There's so much that appeals to me, but never enough time. Then Doc has to go and mention a cool economics program that looks good. That will have to wait for another time.

So, here's our 7th grade:

Math:

Rod and Staff
Thomas hates this. He hates Rod and Staff math. But, as I've learned over our homeschooling career, you have to use what works. Rod and Staff works for him. It's the best fit I've found for him. I have to remind him that he hates all math programs, which made him laugh.


Calculadders
I'm going to order their master pack CD. Thomas needs practice with speed. And just practice doing problems. I haven't ordered this, but if anyone knows of a secular program similar to Calculadders, please let me know! I know this is overkill, but I also know that a little practice won't hurt.


Science:
I purchased two middle-school textbooks with teacher's guides on eBay in March. They arrived minutes before I left for Denver to help my dad with his surgery. I haven't even looked at them. Last year Thomas read two science text books, one on earth science and the other life science. This year I'll let him read, but hopefully I'll have time to look through the teacher's guides and be a little more active. Believe it or not, Thomas requested science text books. He loves science and would read those texts (and any other books on science lying around the house) for hours.


United States History:
We will finish our Glencoe Civics text that we started last year. Thomas loved that and requested to do it daily. We bought it late in the year, so lucky for him, we have about 3/4 of the book left.

I also want him to memorize the states and capitals. Shame on me for waiting so long to do this. This falls into the category of "someday we'll do that" or the category of "started but not finished". Also on the agenda is to memorize the presidents. President memorization isn't high on my list, but we have the Yo! Millard Fillmore book, so why not. I wish we had Yo! Sacramento, but we don't.

We will also be doing a mini-unit on the civil war. (We didn't get to this last year.)


World History:
Yes, I realize it's stupid to do US history and world history, but I have a compulsion to do both. We were going to use a text book for this, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I will be ordering Story of the World IV on CD. We will stop when we get to the civil war section and do the civil war unit I have loosely put together.

I can't say enough about our love for the Story of the World series. Well, let me rephrase that: For the CDs. We have listened to them in the car on the way to Denver and South Dakota and around town, besides listening to them in the house. Thomas has retained so much of what he's heard. Plus, we've listened to the other volumes several times.

I gave up on buying their activity books. We don't use them. We don't test, nor do we write reports. We just listen and soak it up. By doing this, Thomas has developed a real love for history. It really surprised me when we were in Denver this last time that Thomas asked that we go to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science one last time. Why? He wanted to see the Egyptian Mummies one last time.


Spanish:
We will continue (or basically start over) our study of Spanish. I held us up because I struggled with it. Why can't we study German instead? I've decided this year we will work one half hour a day on Spanish. No scheduled completion dates, just constant study on a daily basis. We're using Bob's college Spanish text book and tapes.


Geography:
Prentice Hall Geography will be our course of study this year. I purchased a text and teacher's guide last spring.

Music:
This is a very neglected subject in our home. A year or two ago I purchased Themes to Remember. Very "young" for Thomas, but we agreed to go through the book this year. I would really like to get Thomas started with piano lessons, too. I'm looking for a teacher, but if I can't find one that will work for him, I'll try to teach him myself.

Logic:
Thomas begged to do logic last year. We used the Blast Off with Logic series in the past, so it's time to find something new. I didn't have a lot of time to research, nor do I want to start a formal logic study just yet, so I have selected Think Harder! Word Puzzles and Think-A-Minutes C1. I think Thomas will approve.


Art:
Thomas will continue with his ceramics classes. I have begged the instructor to teach regular art classes, but she says there isn't interest. He'll do a wheel throwing class when she offers. For our home study, we are going to use Discovering Great Artists: Hands-On Art for Children in the Styles of the Great Masters. This is another book that I've meant to get to every year, but haven't. We'll pick and choose projects, but learn about some artists while we're at it. I also have Artistic Pursuits on my shelf, and I plan to pull that out and take a look. We do a lot of unplanned art projects through the year, and Thomas has free reign over all our art supplies. I had planned to set up an art studio in our laundry room, but I haven't got to it yet. I brought home a huge table from my dad's house that will serve as "art station central" so that we can leave projects out.


Computer:
Yet another project we've worked on for years, but I've dropped the ball: Keyboarding. I have two books, Kids Can Type, Too! and Baron's Typing the Easy Way. I guess I shouldn't say I've dropped the ball. Thomas does know correct finger placement and uses it! I just want him to develop some speed and accuracy. In my day, I typed over 100 wpm with fantastic accuracy. I'd like for him to work up to 40 wpm by the end of the year.

We are going to study Word and Excel in more detail as well.


English:
English is the focus of our school year.

Spelling is an issue here. We've used AVKO's Sequential Spelling for a few years and Thomas has improved, but he's a rule-kid and I think he needs to know spelling rules. He still uses a lot of incorrect phonetic spelling in his writing. We're going to try Spell Bound.

Grammar will be Exercises in English Grammar I and possibly II. A rather dry looking workbook with just grammar. From the samples I've seen, it looks just about right. Nice review in the first book and hopefully some new learning in the second.

Since the grammar book does not cover mechanics, and since Thomas whined his way through the mechanics portion of his standardized test, we'll be doing a workbook called Mechanics, too.

Writing will be every day this year. I have decided to buy the Spectrum Writing 7th Grade workbook, which we will probably follow loosely, read over The Write Source's writing section, and a few other writing books I have on my shelf. I plan on tons of writing for poor Thomas this year.

Thomas actually requested a vocabulary program, so I just put Words on the Vine in my shopping basket. A small workbook that goes over Latin and Greek roots. We've been doing that hit or miss for a few years now, but he wants more. I wanted something light and easy and quick, though.

For grins and giggles, we're also going to do Lightning Literature. My friend Carole wrote to me about it in detail, and I may skip some of their exercises. I trust Carole's opinion. I don't like to over-analyze literature. Okay, what I call over analyzing. All those questions and discussions about books when I was in school just zapped the love of reading for me. I didn't understand why I couldn't just read something, savor it or hate it, and be done with it! Instead I just had to play the game with my high school teachers and pretend to love it for the reasons they did or hate it for the reasons they did so I could get my good grade and move on.


I think that's it. Ambitious. We have never been the type of homeschoolers to start at 8 and finish by noon. We won't be this year, either.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

On the mend?

I saw my doctor today. I called earlier this week and they gave me an appointmnet for the 30th. I took it. Luckily, they took a note back to him and he called me and he squeezed me in today.

Yes, I still have an ear infection in both ears. Yes, I still have sinusitis. My lungs are clear, which is great news.

He gave me an antibiotic different than that tendon-rupturing med. He gave me one refill and told me to get a refill if I was only 99% better.

The pharmacist told me I should feel better in 72 hours. I have my fingers crossed.

When I googled the drug, (and yes, I'll always do that from now on) I found that I'm getting double the normal dose -- I'm getting the dose for a severe infection. I had to laugh at myself because I actually thought, "Gee, I have a severe infection." Then I had that "DUH" moment.

I've been sick for weeks and weeks now. I can't remember what it feels like to feel normal.

Thomas's thumb is healing up. The day after stitches it was all different shades of purple and green and yellow. I almost snapped a photo of it, but it was so gross, I don't know what I would have done with the photo. It looks much better now.

He's able to use his hand a little more now. That's a good thing, because this afternoon, we're finally going to start our testing. After I have a much-needed nap, of course.

I wish we didn't have to do the testing, but we must. I also must place my order for school materials -- haven't done that yet.

Before I know it, the summer will be over and I'll look back and wonder where it went. That part stinks. We haven't been to the pool once. We haven't been to the lake, either. Thomas isn't supposed to get his thumb wet -- no swimming. He'll get his stitches out and then boom, he'll be at his summer camp. When he returns, the fair will be going on and boom, the end of summer will be upon us. That part stinks. But hopefully we'll all be happy and healthy.

I have a feeling we'll be doing a couple motel visits this year for swimming. That is if I can get my hands on the 50% off coupons that I've found in the past.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Yet ANOTHER ER visit

I'm not kidding. I think we might as well move to the hospital.

Thomas was outside playing this evening. He was riding his bike with his friends and got hot and thirsty. He came in, grabbed an Orange Crush in a can, and went back out. He was not "drinking and driving", rather he drank his pop in our driveway with the other kids surrounding him. Then he decides to crush the can up and put in his pocket so he doesn't litter.

Big mistake.

Upon crushing the can, the aluminum broke and cut his hand and thumb. Bad.

He came in and was nice and calm. Bob helped him clean up, putting his hand under running water. It wasn't until I came in and did that mom GASP -- you know the one, it sounds like the end of the world has come -- that Thomas freaked.

I don't do blood or cuts well. Or bodily fluids, but luckily we only had blood, although I did feel like throwing up. lol

We cleaned him up and headed for the ER. Only five stitches. Thomas cried because they didn't give enough deadening medication. Every stitch and tie, Thomas cringed and cried. I felt awful for him.

And then it was over. We went to Walgreen's to get some new, fresh antibiotic ointment and large band aids, and then to Dairy Queen to celebrate the fact that it was done.

Whew.

I am so sick of hospitals, doctors, and the smells and memories associated with them. As we walked out, I joked that I thought we were through visiting these places and Bob laughed an evil laugh. I should have known better.

It was only stitches. It could have been worse. I'll count my blessings. And Thomas will never smash a pop can with his hands again. Ever.

Meme

A meme I found at Summer Fae's Learning Adventures.

All answers to be a single word. No more. (Okay, so some I hyphenated to make them officially one word, but technically they are not hyphenated words. Oh well, I tried.)

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? tall
3. Your hair? graying
4. Your mother? gone
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? Thomas
7. Your dream last night? Dad
8. Your favorite drink? Diet-Pepsi
9. Your dream/goal? Live
10. The room you’re in? Family
11. Your church? None
12. Your fear? Many
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? healthy
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? skinny
16. Muffins? chocolate-chip
17. One of your wish list items? built-in-dishwasher
18. Where you grew up? Wyoming
19. The last thing you did? cookie
20. What are you wearing? t-shirt
21. Your TV? Off
22. Your pets? loved
23. Your computer? lifeline
24. Your life? rich
25. Your mood? exhausted
26. Missing someone? terribly
27. Your car? Bonneville
28. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
29. Favorite store? book
30. Your summer? short
31. Like(love) someone? Several
32. Your favorite color? pastel
33. Last time you laughed? morning
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
35. Who will re post this? dunno

Why Do You Love Homeschooling?

Following a post by Summer Fae at Learning Adventures, who was following a post by Summer at Mom is Teaching, the question asked is:

Why do you love homeschooling?

I can give a one-word answer that covers many areas:

FREEDOM

Yep, I love homeschooling because of the freedom that comes with it.

Freedom to set our own schedule, freedom to study what we choose, freedom to drive to Denver and be with my father for surgery, freedom to be with my father when he dies.

Freedom to go to a museum without a clipboard and worksheet with a hundred questions that must be answered, which ensures the freedom to actually enjoy the museum.

Freedom to go on a spur-of-the-moment field trip.

Freedom to take extra time to study a subject if it has piqued Thomas's interest.

Freedom from labels and stereotypes.

Freedom to take a nap in the afternoon.

Freedom of expression -- Thomas can wear whatever he wants to school, can share whatever opinion he has without worry.

Freedom to do school in pajamas or wrapped up in a Biederlack blanket, affectionately known as "fuzzies" in our home.

Freedom to pet a dog or cat while studying.

There's so many freedoms, that I can't list them all.

Freedom is a wonderful thing.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Expletive

If this weren't a G-rated blog, I'd be swearing up a storm today. I'm in a very bad mood.

Why? Well, I have good news -- neurologically I'm fine, fit as a fiddle. My doctor says that he's not concerned about my weird eye thing, and to chalk it up to just that, weird. He was rather cute and said, "That's okay, I'm weird too."

BUT then he says to me that he would guess I snore, a lot, and loudly. Mm-hmm. He examined my throat and said I have soft palate issues. He said I had five red flags on my medical history to indicate I have sleep apnea. He is writing a letter to my doctor so that we can get a sleep study underway. He's certain I have it. And he thinks I have it bad.

&*(%^*^% Why does this anger me? Because I don't want to have to use one of those &@#$!ing machines. I have issues getting comfortable as it is. I sleep on my stomach. Always. I cannot sleep in any other position. You can't change 43 years' worth of stomach sleeping like that.

I also am sick to death of doctors, doctors' offices, and medical bills. So sick of them that I haven't gone back to my doctor for my ears and sinuses. I'd rather suffer than walk in another facility.

And damn it all, I don't want to sleep in front of people. My neighbor just had a sleep study done and he was watched while he slept. I cannot do that. Period. I would never sleep. I mean I might fart, scratch something inappropriate or drool. The invasion of privacy is enough to set me off. My anxiety is high already.

The thought of actually feeling good and rested every day? Well, that sounds wonderful. I'm tired of being sick and tired, but I don't want to wear something on my head every night. I don't want to be tested. I'm just going to be in a pissy mood over this.

I know, I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm kicking and screaming at the moment. And I've said every dirty word I know many times today. And that's a lot of words. Well, at least in my mind. Well, I said a few out loud when Thomas was outside. And I said a few when he was in my presence.

Shit. There, I said it. I'm human.

Tantrum over. Will call Monday morning first thing and make yet another flipping doctor appointment.

Okay, tantrum really over -- for the moment.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

2 am Whining Again

It's 2 am and I'm awake. Wide awake.

I woke up this morning feeling very ill -- extremely toxic is how I felt. I just felt as if my system was full of bad things. I won't get into descriptive detail, but I was sick the whole day. Today, the couch was my friend.

Didn't get the kitchen done.
Didn't get anything done.

Tesla was sick and threw up in his crate this morning.
He had the runs tonight. Bob called the vet tonight and he told us to give him Kaopectate. Bob ran to the store and took care of the dog. All the while, I was on the couch. Sick.

Lying there tonight, I just kept thinking about my dad and how I miss him. I also kept thinking how this year has just sucked.

Friday I go to a neurologist appointment for this funky thing I have going on with my eye. If I lie down to watch TV, when I get up my vision is so blurred I can't see to read. I can't see numbers on the clock. It's just in one eye. It's been going on for years, and finally someone took me seriously when I mentioned it. I really don't feel like going to the appointment, though, because...

I'm sick of doctors. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of medical bills stacked high on my pile. I'm sick my ear infections. I'm sick of sinusitis. I'm sick of feeling like sh*t. I'm sick of my town. I'm sick of my house. I'm sick of my neighbors. I'm sick of my clothes. I'm just sick. UGH

whine, whine, whine

If I could just start to feel decent, life would be so much easier. I want to take Thomas swimming at the lake. I can't because of these stupid ear infections. Well, I could, but I hate lying around on a beach -- I'd rather be in the water. And in all honesty, I haven't had the strength to go to the beach. Or the grocery store. Or anywhere.

I still have to order my school books. I'm still undecided on what to do about English. This year needs to focus on writing, but we still need grammar work, too.

I'm sick of searching, I'm sick of decision making. I want a magic wand so I can wave the wand and fix everything.

I'm going to drink some more water and go back to bed.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Monday

Today started with a very slow start. Last night I started having excruciating pain in my sinuses -- burning, so I had to take a Vicodin. Took the pain away and gave me a horrible case of insomnia. I was awake until 3:30. This morning I felt like I was hung over -- something I haven't felt in 20 years or so. Ugh. I got up, took care of the puppies, and went back to bed. I got up at noon. Thomas stayed in bed that whole time, the little booger. I really hate the feeling of being doped up, but the pain has been very bad at times. Hopefully I'm on the mend now and can do without.

I had planned on starting my day early, as I was going to deep clean the kitchen. Well, by the time we ate, showered, and got started, it was 2. Of course we couldn't eat here, we went out for a hamburger. And then I decided to try a Starbucks coffee half caf. lol I was full of excuses.

We got started on the kitchen. I have cleared out, deep cleaned and re-organized five cupboards. I've vacuumed the floors, picked up the kitchen, run two loads through the dishwasher and picked up the living room.

We decided that we needed to go out for dinner, as Bob would be home very late. Well, that turned out to be a two-hour affair. We hit Subway and Thomas ran into his very good friend who moved away last year. They were in town visiting. Sooo, the boys sat down at a table together and so did the moms. We visited for two hours.

Where did the day go?

Luckily no pain tonight, so I'm planning on some great sleep. I decided to not take the levaquin. After reading things on the internet, then talking again with the pharmacist this weekend, I think it's very risky. I have a history of tendinitis, which the doctor did not ask me about. I have had cortisone injections because it's been so bad. One of the nasty side effects from the Levaquin is tendon rupture. Too risky for me. I still have the ear infections and the sinusitis, but it's getting much better. So, knock on wood, I'll wing it without meds.

I should finish re-organizing the kitchen tomorrow. Thomas has been a great help, running little errands for me. I then need to wash walls, curtains and scrub and treat the floors. Never a dull moment.

Thomas's standardized test finally came in the mail today. It was only a week late. Or was it two weeks late? We'll have to start that later this week. Yuck.

After the kitchen is completed, I plan to do the living room and then school room. The school room is so bad -- everything is stacked on the floor, so I can barely walk. Yuck. The effects of this stressful year are really hitting me now. But by golly, I'm going to have a clean house soon!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Seventh Grade Reading List

After lots of searching to match T's interests and my desires, this is the foundation book list for the upcoming year. Some were on last year's list and we didn't get to them. Lots more varitey this year than in the past.

Catherine Called Birdy by Karen Cushman

The Face on the Milk Carton

Animal Farm

Swiss Family Robinson: Johann Wyss

Shiloh: Phyllis Reynold’s Naylor

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry:  Mildred Taylor

The Incredible Journey:  Sheila Burnford

Johnny Tremain: Esther Forbes

The Fox and the Hound

Julie of the Wolves:  Jean Craighead George

Heidi:  Johanna Spyri

Gentle Ben  Walt Morey

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

David Copperfield:  Charles Dickens

The Diary of Anne Frank

Little Britches

Flowers of Algernon

Summer of my German Soldier

A Wrinkle in Time

Anne of Green Gables

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Dragonwings

The Hobbit

The Cay

Phantom Tollbooth

Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad

Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes

White Fang

The Outsiders
Holes

Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

A Day No Pigs Would Die

The Odyssey

Al Capone Does My Shirts

The Chocolate War

All Creatures Great and Small

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Meg's Meme

Meg didn't tag me officially, but I thought I'd play.

Accent: None. I talk just like they do on the evening news.
Well, I do say "eh" a lot now that we've moved to Minnesota, doncha-know. (I don't really say doncha-know, though.)

Breakfast or no breakfast: Breakfast, but even though I'm overweight, I forget to eat.

Chore I don’t care for: Paying bills.

Dog or Cat: Two dogs, two cats. One cat is 14 years old and about ready -- the other is very sickly. When they're gone, there will be no more cats.

Essential Electronics: Computer. Can't live without -- well can't live happily without.

Favorite Cologne: Opium or Chloe for me, Polo for him. Polo makes me melt, but my husband refuses to wear it. His loss. ;-)

Gold or Silver: Gold.

Handbag I carry most often: This spring it's been a tacky vinyl mini-suitcase I bought in Colorado because my leather purse was too small. Now that I'm home for good, I'll switch back to my leather purse. I like to spend a lot of money on a good, neutral purse that will last a year or two. I'm about due for a new one.

Insomnia: Very frequently. Can we say Ambien?

Job Title: Domestic engineer. Homemaker, home educator, computer addict.

Kids: One great son.

Living Arrangements: Small three-bedroom, single family home in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. Shared with husband, son, two dogs, two cats and lots of dust bunnies.

Most Admirable Trait: My husband says loyalty.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: This is tough because I really was a good kid. Really. Perhaps it was the time I burned down the kitchen curtains when I was home alone. (Thankfully they were above the kitchen sink so I used the spray hose to out the fire. I was holding a candle to the window playing Laura Ingalls Wilder.) Or, perhaps it was the time I flooded our basement that had just been re-done with brand-new carpeting. I was watering the flowers, my friend came to play, I threw the hose down and left it on. It landed in the window well.

But really, I was a really good kid. Honest. Really.

Overnight hospital stays:
March 2008: Panic Attack--still paying that sucker off.
1995: C-section with Thomas
1993: fibroid removal, four nights of pure pain
1982: Tonsils
1970: Dislocated arm
June 27, 1965: My birth.

Phobias: Driving in a big city on interstates. Something happening to Thomas. Bridges. Medical "things" happening to loved ones.

Quote: sh*t. I say that way too often. Jesus, Mary and Joseph--I picked that phrase up from the judge I worked for.

Reason to smile: Thomas, Bob, Apollo and Tesla, kitties, being home. There's no place like home.

Siblings: Oh, this is a good one. I have one brother and two sisters. In November, when my father's estate is settled, I will only have one sister. I will probably never blog about that, but my brother is a horse's hind end and my sister is out of her mind. He wants nothing to do with me and hasn't for years, which is fine. She is just downright scary with the things she's done to me over the years. So life is short, and I'll be free.

Gee, I feel nasty, but if you knew the circumstances, it would be clear I'm not. I'll still pray for them. (Yes, I do pray, even though I don't care what other people do.)

Time I wake up: Whenever. I usually sleep eight hours. 7:30 or 8 usually.

Unusual Talent or Skill: My husband says organization. If you could see my house at the moment, you'd laugh. I'm skilled at being me, how's that.

On second thought, organization is a skill. In groups and organizations, I'm the one that puts things together because I do it well.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Broccoli. Anything cruciferous.

Worst Habit: Smoking.

X-rays: Had a chest X-ray a week ago. I have had a few in my time, can't remember them all.

Yummy Stuff: chocolate, pasta, milk -- nothing good for me. Vicodin -- ha.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Monkey. I wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. I didn't get it. Second would be penguins. I love to watch penguins.

Tag: I am going to tag a few people.
Doc, because I'd like to know if she has a phobia (except to idiots), what veggies she doesn't like, and her naughtiest childhood behavior.

Audrey, if she has time to play

Summer Fae

And anyone else who wants to play.

I've done it now...

I have called the camp, asked a million questions -- some the director couldn't even answer. She had to call the camp and ask them. I've registered Thomas and paid for the camp. We've got a doctor appointment set up for their health form. I've even printed out the google map so we can get there.

Gulp. Baby's going to camp.

Actually, I see this as a wonderful opportunity for Thomas. I'm glad that spur of the moment google spree ended up in something that should be a lot of fun. I see this as a great growth opportunity for Thomas (and me, too).

It's been such a hard year for him and hopefully this will be a great reliever of all the stress he's been under. He's psyched because they have a wonderful climbing wall, a challenge course that looks scary but loads of fun, swimming, horses, yada yada yada. He gets to choose five things, and he'll have three classes a day in those five things. He's also interested in canoeing, which actually surprised me.

This is a YMCA camp. Before I googled, I didn't know they existed. I always thought summer camp was cost prohibitive and something you had to sign up for way in advance. We were lucky to get in, but the cost was under $400. Not bad at all.

I think I may be teary when we drive off, but only in the sense that it's just another milestone in his growing up. I know he'll have fun. And what am I going to do the week he's away?

CLEAN HIS ROOM. ha ha ha ha ha I'm an evil mother.

He'll be three hours away. In Wisconsin. I'm okay with that. (Now. Ask me in August!)

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Midnight

It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.

I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.

The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.

I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.

I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.

The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.

The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.

On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.

I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol

I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.

I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?

I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.

The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.

Midnight

It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.

I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.

The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.

I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.

I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.

The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.

The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.

On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.

I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol

I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.

I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?

I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.

The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Neti Pot


I've gone and done it, I bought myself a Neti Pot.

It is the grossest sensation I have ever experienced. I gag, sputter, and cry out.

But, IT WORKS!

I cannot believe how this helps me breathe. I'm convinced. Thomas and Bob watch and laugh as I use it. If I don't tilt my head just right, the water runs down my throat and I made horrid noises because I cannot stand the sensation. But did I mention, IT WORKS??!!!

My teeny, tiny town sold a product called SinuCleanse. It came with the pot and packets of salt and baking soda. I could make my own, but I needed the pot.

Now, if the pressure in my ear would only go away, I'd be very happy. My left ear has been plugged since about the 19th of June. Two rounds of antibiotics have not touched it. I'm going to have to call my doctor tomorrow.

But at least I can breathe. I'm sold on the weird Neti Pots.

Goodbye, Casa Bonita






While we were in Denver, we managed to go to Casa Bonita twice. Once, my sister and her beautiful daughter took Thomas and I for my birthday. We went a second time the night before we left town.

Goodbye, Casa Bonita -- you hold decades' of memories for me.