Making the Rounds...

This is making many of the blogs that I read. I'm Just Sayin' asked some questions of homeschoolers, and I decided to answer, too.

1. What was your motivation for homeschooling? Was it based on religious reasons? Was is it based on curriculum - did you want more freedom in choosing what your children were being taught? Was it based on socializing - wanting to have more control in the people with whom your children came into contact with? Was it based on logistics - the nearest school being 20 miles away? What made you finally decide to go this route?

We finished our public school career at the end of the second grade. We homeschool Thomas to meet his emotional and educational needs.

2. Don't hate me for asking this. How to you handle socialization? What steps do you take to make sure your children are around other children and adults? Are you active in a home school group? Do you spend a lot of time at church activities? Maybe you utilize the local Y for activities and they meet friends there?

Starting at the bottom:
No local YMCA, otherwise we would be there.
We are Christians, but we do not go to church. (And I usually do not blog about religion as I feel it is a private thing.)
We are members of a homeschool group -- rather, were. I will not be renewing this year. The homeschool group only does their weekly co-op, and that's just not for us. They're very restrictive, IMHO, that the mother must stay and teach or help, and there's no say in the classes. Nope, too much like public school.
Socialization around adults: Thomas goes with us everywhere, sees us with friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. He was the only child member of our local train club, which sadly recently closed down. He was in the thick of things when my Dad had his heart attack, at the hospital daily for two weeks straight, then again at another hospital and VA until my dad passed away. He was not afraid to ask doctors or nurses questions, even though he's shy.
Socialization with children: Ceramics class, used to be in Cub Scouts until he aged out, and he hangs out at a local after-school hangout that is run by all the churches in our town. He plays with all the neighborhood kids, which vary widely in age. He has friends from public school that he still sees on occasion. We are friends with one homeschool family that we get together with every other month or so. Thomas is going to a week-long summer camp next week. Gulp, that's coming up fast!
I'd say the only difference between Thomas and a public-school kiddo is that he isn't around kids during school hours. Instead, he gets to be around two puppies and two cats and his mom. Dad visits on the lunch hour.
I do worry about socialization. There, I think I'm the only homeschooler that has ever admitted that. HOWEVER, I would worry if he were back in public school. Every parent wants their child to have a good friend, or a couple of good friends. Right now Thomas has "friends" but his GOOD friend moved away.

3. Do you use the public school system for any part of your child's routine? Some children here come to the school for band or chorus, or maybe for science class. Do you send your child to the public school to take advantage of any of their programs?

No, and no thank you. In our state, we are allowed -- I think it's $60 for curriculum. I have never, and will never, apply for the money.

4. Do your children begin and end school at the same time each day? Do they have a strict schedule, at least as far as waking up and reporting to the school area of your home? If not, when/how will you transition your children into following a more rigid schedule - awaking at the same time each day so that they can follow a routine outside of the home like for college and work?

No strict schedule. We usually wake up when we wake up. I do like school started by
9, and our day IS school not other stuff. We are done when we've finished that day's work.

I am not worried about following a routine for college and work at all. You do what you have to do -- go to bed, set an alarm -- piece of cake. We do that from time to time, say on vacation or when visiting an ill loved one. It works.

5. How many spelling bees has your child won? Oh, I'm kidding. We all know most of the recent national spelling bee winners have been home schooled children. I just wanted to throw a little funny in there?

My child can't spell. There, I said it. He knows it, too. He isn't bad, he always hits his grade level on standardized tests, but he's no spelling bee competitor. Now if they had a science bee, he'd be up there.

6. Do you have a sense of humor? It's probably a little late for me to ask that but...

Yes, I have a sense of humor. It doesn't show through in my writing, but I have a wicked sense of humor.

7. Where do you find your curriculum? Do you shop for it and order it? Do you create your own?

Everywhere. Reading blogs, keeping current on the Rainbow Resource catalog, reading homeschool boards, talking with fellow homeschoolers. I create my own on occasion.

8. Do you have any worries at all about teaching your teenagers the higher level math and sciences? I, for one, could not teach chemistry to my children but I could probably teach them calculus. Is this a concern for you?

Chemistry? Oh, yeah, I worry about that. But Thomas is lucky, he has a dad who is really good in science. However, no, I do not worry about teaching upper level courses. If I can't teach something, and Bob can't, we'll get a tutor or do an online class or something.

9. What bothers you the most about the reputation home schoolers have? What things do you hate to hear people say about you for your choice? I really hope you don't say that it's my previous post.

That we're all the same: Denim-jumper wearing fundamentalist Christians. We're as diverse as public school families. Many of us are very open minded about life and people.

10. Be honest, do you, at least in your mind sometimes, judge those of us who choose public school? Do you ever think we are making a bad choice for our children? Are you vocal about that disapproval?

No, I do not judge those who choose public school. Ever. I did it! What I do judge is PUBLIC SCHOOL itself, and I throw comments about teachers around, which I shouldn't because I know there are some great teachers out there. There are some awful teachers, too -- been there, done that. There are many good things about public schools, but there are a lot of problems, too.

11. Is "home school" one word or two? I've seen it both ways. With spellcheck, it shows it as ONE word when used as a verb, but two words when used otherwise. Please enlighten me.

I always write it as one word.

7th Grade Final Plans

Over the last three days, I've done nothing but homeschool planning and testing. I am very thankful that I mapped out my ideas earlier in the year, because I haven't had the time to spend studying and figuring this summer like I usually do.

As usual, I have planned way too much. There's so much that appeals to me, but never enough time. Then Doc has to go and mention a cool economics program that looks good. That will have to wait for another time.

So, here's our 7th grade:

Math:

Rod and Staff

Thomas hates this. He hates Rod and Staff math. But, as I've learned over our homeschooling career, you have to use what works. Rod and Staff works for him. It's the best fit I've found for him. I have to remind him that he hates all math programs, which made him laugh.

Calculadders

I'm going to order their master pack CD. Thomas needs practice with speed. And just practice doing problems. I haven't ordered this, but if anyone knows of a secular program similar to Calculadders, please let me know! I know this is overkill, but I also know that a little practice won't hurt.

Science:

I purchased two middle-school textbooks with teacher's guides on eBay in March. They arrived minutes before I left for Denver to help my dad with his surgery. I haven't even looked at them. Last year Thomas read two science text books, one on earth science and the other life science. This year I'll let him read, but hopefully I'll have time to look through the teacher's guides and be a little more active. Believe it or not, Thomas requested science text books. He loves science and would read those texts (and any other books on science lying around the house) for hours.

United States History:

We will finish our Glencoe Civics text that we started last year. Thomas loved that and requested to do it daily. We bought it late in the year, so lucky for him, we have about 3/4 of the book left.

I also want him to memorize the states and capitals. Shame on me for waiting so long to do this. This falls into the category of "someday we'll do that" or the category of "started but not finished". Also on the agenda is to memorize the presidents. President memorization isn't high on my list, but we have the Yo! Millard Fillmore book, so why not. I wish we had Yo! Sacramento, but we don't.

We will also be doing a mini-unit on the civil war. (We didn't get to this last year.)

World History:

Yes, I realize it's stupid to do US history and world history, but I have a compulsion to do both. We were going to use a text book for this, but I changed my mind at the last minute. I will be ordering Story of the World IV on CD. We will stop when we get to the civil war section and do the civil war unit I have loosely put together.

I can't say enough about our love for the Story of the World series. Well, let me rephrase that: For the CDs. We have listened to them in the car on the way to Denver and South Dakota and around town, besides listening to them in the house. Thomas has retained so much of what he's heard. Plus, we've listened to the other volumes several times.

I gave up on buying their activity books. We don't use them. We don't test, nor do we write reports. We just listen and soak it up. By doing this, Thomas has developed a real love for history. It really surprised me when we were in Denver this last time that Thomas asked that we go to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science one last time. Why? He wanted to see the Egyptian Mummies one last time.

Spanish:

We will continue (or basically start over) our study of Spanish. I held us up because I struggled with it. Why can't we study German instead? I've decided this year we will work one half hour a day on Spanish. No scheduled completion dates, just constant study on a daily basis. We're using Bob's college Spanish text book and tapes.

Geography:
Prentice Hall Geography will be our course of study this year. I purchased a text and teacher's guide last spring.

Music:
This is a very neglected subject in our home. A year or two ago I purchased Themes to Remember. Very "young" for Thomas, but we agreed to go through the book this year. I would really like to get Thomas started with piano lessons, too. I'm looking for a teacher, but if I can't find one that will work for him, I'll try to teach him myself.

Logic:

Thomas begged to do logic last year. We used the Blast Off with Logic series in the past, so it's time to find something new. I didn't have a lot of time to research, nor do I want to start a formal logic study just yet, so I have selected Think Harder! Word Puzzles and Think-A-Minutes C1. I think Thomas will approve.

Art:

Thomas will continue with his ceramics classes. I have begged the instructor to teach regular art classes, but she says there isn't interest. He'll do a wheel throwing class when she offers. For our home study, we are going to use Discovering Great Artists: Hands-On Art for Children in the Styles of the Great Masters. This is another book that I've meant to get to every year, but haven't. We'll pick and choose projects, but learn about some artists while we're at it. I also have Artistic Pursuits on my shelf, and I plan to pull that out and take a look. We do a lot of unplanned art projects through the year, and Thomas has free reign over all our art supplies. I had planned to set up an art studio in our laundry room, but I haven't got to it yet. I brought home a huge table from my dad's house that will serve as "art station central" so that we can leave projects out.

Computer:

Yet another project we've worked on for years, but I've dropped the ball: Keyboarding. I have two books, Kids Can Type, Too! and Baron's Typing the Easy Way. I guess I shouldn't say I've dropped the ball. Thomas does know correct finger placement and uses it! I just want him to develop some speed and accuracy. In my day, I typed over 100 wpm with fantastic accuracy. I'd like for him to work up to 40 wpm by the end of the year.

We are going to study Word and Excel in more detail as well.

English:

English is the focus of our school year.

Spelling is an issue here. We've used AVKO's Sequential Spelling for a few years and Thomas has improved, but he's a rule-kid and I think he needs to know spelling rules. He still uses a lot of incorrect phonetic spelling in his writing. We're going to try Spell Bound.

Grammar will be Exercises in English Grammar I and possibly II. A rather dry looking workbook with just grammar. From the samples I've seen, it looks just about right. Nice review in the first book and hopefully some new learning in the second.

Since the grammar book does not cover mechanics, and since Thomas whined his way through the mechanics portion of his standardized test, we'll be doing a workbook called Mechanics, too.

Writing will be every day this year. I have decided to buy the Spectrum Writing 7th Grade workbook, which we will probably follow loosely, read over The Write Source's writing section, and a few other writing books I have on my shelf. I plan on tons of writing for poor Thomas this year.

Thomas actually requested a vocabulary program, so I just put Words on the Vine in my shopping basket. A small workbook that goes over Latin and Greek roots. We've been doing that hit or miss for a few years now, but he wants more. I wanted something light and easy and quick, though.

For grins and giggles, we're also going to do Lightning Literature. My friend Carole wrote to me about it in detail, and I may skip some of their exercises. I trust Carole's opinion. I don't like to over-analyze literature. Okay, what I call over analyzing. All those questions and discussions about books when I was in school just zapped the love of reading for me. I didn't understand why I couldn't just read something, savor it or hate it, and be done with it! Instead I just had to play the game with my high school teachers and pretend to love it for the reasons they did or hate it for the reasons they did so I could get my good grade and move on.

I think that's it. Ambitious. We have never been the type of homeschoolers to start at 8 and finish by noon. We won't be this year, either.

On the mend?

I saw my doctor today. I called earlier this week and they gave me an appointmnet for the 30th. I took it. Luckily, they took a note back to him and he called me and he squeezed me in today.

Yes, I still have an ear infection in both ears. Yes, I still have sinusitis. My lungs are clear, which is great news.

He gave me an antibiotic different than that tendon-rupturing med. He gave me one refill and told me to get a refill if I was only 99% better.

The pharmacist told me I should feel better in 72 hours. I have my fingers crossed.

When I googled the drug, (and yes, I'll always do that from now on) I found that I'm getting double the normal dose -- I'm getting the dose for a severe infection. I had to laugh at myself because I actually thought, "Gee, I have a severe infection." Then I had that "DUH" moment.

I've been sick for weeks and weeks now. I can't remember what it feels like to feel normal.

Thomas's thumb is healing up. The day after stitches it was all different shades of purple and green and yellow. I almost snapped a photo of it, but it was so gross, I don't know what I would have done with the photo. It looks much better now.

He's able to use his hand a little more now. That's a good thing, because this afternoon, we're finally going to start our testing. After I have a much-needed nap, of course.

I wish we didn't have to do the testing, but we must. I also must place my order for school materials -- haven't done that yet.

Before I know it, the summer will be over and I'll look back and wonder where it went. That part stinks. We haven't been to the pool once. We haven't been to the lake, either. Thomas isn't supposed to get his thumb wet -- no swimming. He'll get his stitches out and then boom, he'll be at his summer camp. When he returns, the fair will be going on and boom, the end of summer will be upon us. That part stinks. But hopefully we'll all be happy and healthy.

I have a feeling we'll be doing a couple motel visits this year for swimming. That is if I can get my hands on the 50% off coupons that I've found in the past.

Yet ANOTHER ER visit

I'm not kidding. I think we might as well move to the hospital.

Thomas was outside playing this evening. He was riding his bike with his friends and got hot and thirsty. He came in, grabbed an Orange Crush in a can, and went back out. He was not "drinking and driving", rather he drank his pop in our driveway with the other kids surrounding him. Then he decides to crush the can up and put in his pocket so he doesn't litter.

Big mistake.

Upon crushing the can, the aluminum broke and cut his hand and thumb. Bad.

He came in and was nice and calm. Bob helped him clean up, putting his hand under running water. It wasn't until I came in and did that mom GASP -- you know the one, it sounds like the end of the world has come -- that Thomas freaked.

I don't do blood or cuts well. Or bodily fluids, but luckily we only had blood, although I did feel like throwing up. lol

We cleaned him up and headed for the ER. Only five stitches. Thomas cried because they didn't give enough deadening medication. Every stitch and tie, Thomas cringed and cried. I felt awful for him.

And then it was over. We went to Walgreen's to get some new, fresh antibiotic ointment and large band aids, and then to Dairy Queen to celebrate the fact that it was done.

Whew.

I am so sick of hospitals, doctors, and the smells and memories associated with them. As we walked out, I joked that I thought we were through visiting these places and Bob laughed an evil laugh. I should have known better.

It was only stitches. It could have been worse. I'll count my blessings. And Thomas will never smash a pop can with his hands again. Ever.

Meme

A meme I found at Summer Fae's Learning Adventures.

All answers to be a single word. No more. (Okay, so some I hyphenated to make them officially one word, but technically they are not hyphenated words. Oh well, I tried.)

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Your significant other? tall
3. Your hair? graying
4. Your mother? gone
5. Your father? gone
6. Your favorite thing? Thomas
7. Your dream last night? Dad
8. Your favorite drink? Diet-Pepsi
9. Your dream/goal? Live
10. The room you’re in? Family
11. Your church? None
12. Your fear? Many
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? healthy
14. Where were you last night? home
15. What you’re not? skinny
16. Muffins? chocolate-chip
17. One of your wish list items? built-in-dishwasher
18. Where you grew up? Wyoming
19. The last thing you did? cookie
20. What are you wearing? t-shirt
21. Your TV? Off
22. Your pets? loved
23. Your computer? lifeline
24. Your life? rich
25. Your mood? exhausted
26. Missing someone? terribly
27. Your car? Bonneville
28. Something you’re not wearing? shoes
29. Favorite store? book
30. Your summer? short
31. Like(love) someone? Several
32. Your favorite color? pastel
33. Last time you laughed? morning
34. Last time you cried? yesterday
35. Who will re post this? dunno

Why Do You Love Homeschooling?

Following a post by Summer Fae at Learning Adventures, who was following a post by Summer at Mom is Teaching, the question asked is:

Why do you love homeschooling?

I can give a one-word answer that covers many areas:

FREEDOM

Yep, I love homeschooling because of the freedom that comes with it.

Freedom to set our own schedule, freedom to study what we choose, freedom to drive to Denver and be with my father for surgery, freedom to be with my father when he dies.

Freedom to go to a museum without a clipboard and worksheet with a hundred questions that must be answered, which ensures the freedom to actually enjoy the museum.

Freedom to go on a spur-of-the-moment field trip.

Freedom to take extra time to study a subject if it has piqued Thomas's interest.

Freedom from labels and stereotypes.

Freedom to take a nap in the afternoon.

Freedom of expression -- Thomas can wear whatever he wants to school, can share whatever opinion he has without worry.

Freedom to do school in pajamas or wrapped up in a Biederlack blanket, affectionately known as "fuzzies" in our home.

Freedom to pet a dog or cat while studying.

There's so many freedoms, that I can't list them all.

Freedom is a wonderful thing.

Expletive

If this weren't a G-rated blog, I'd be swearing up a storm today. I'm in a very bad mood.

Why? Well, I have good news -- neurologically I'm fine, fit as a fiddle. My doctor says that he's not concerned about my weird eye thing, and to chalk it up to just that, weird. He was rather cute and said, "That's okay, I'm weird too."

BUT then he says to me that he would guess I snore, a lot, and loudly. Mm-hmm. He examined my throat and said I have soft palate issues. He said I had five red flags on my medical history to indicate I have sleep apnea. He is writing a letter to my doctor so that we can get a sleep study underway. He's certain I have it. And he thinks I have it bad.

&*(%^*^% Why does this anger me? Because I don't want to have to use one of those &@#$!ing machines. I have issues getting comfortable as it is. I sleep on my stomach. Always. I cannot sleep in any other position. You can't change 43 years' worth of stomach sleeping like that.

I also am sick to death of doctors, doctors' offices, and medical bills. So sick of them that I haven't gone back to my doctor for my ears and sinuses. I'd rather suffer than walk in another facility.

And damn it all, I don't want to sleep in front of people. My neighbor just had a sleep study done and he was watched while he slept. I cannot do that. Period. I would never sleep. I mean I might fart, scratch something inappropriate or drool. The invasion of privacy is enough to set me off. My anxiety is high already.

The thought of actually feeling good and rested every day? Well, that sounds wonderful. I'm tired of being sick and tired, but I don't want to wear something on my head every night. I don't want to be tested. I'm just going to be in a pissy mood over this.

I know, I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm kicking and screaming at the moment. And I've said every dirty word I know many times today. And that's a lot of words. Well, at least in my mind. Well, I said a few out loud when Thomas was outside. And I said a few when he was in my presence.

Shit. There, I said it. I'm human.

Tantrum over. Will call Monday morning first thing and make yet another flipping doctor appointment.

Okay, tantrum really over -- for the moment.

2 am Whining Again

It's 2 am and I'm awake. Wide awake.

I woke up this morning feeling very ill -- extremely toxic is how I felt. I just felt as if my system was full of bad things. I won't get into descriptive detail, but I was sick the whole day. Today, the couch was my friend.

Didn't get the kitchen done.
Didn't get anything done.

Tesla was sick and threw up in his crate this morning.
He had the runs tonight. Bob called the vet tonight and he told us to give him Kaopectate. Bob ran to the store and took care of the dog. All the while, I was on the couch. Sick.

Lying there tonight, I just kept thinking about my dad and how I miss him. I also kept thinking how this year has just sucked.

Friday I go to a neurologist appointment for this funky thing I have going on with my eye. If I lie down to watch TV, when I get up my vision is so blurred I can't see to read. I can't see numbers on the clock. It's just in one eye. It's been going on for years, and finally someone took me seriously when I mentioned it. I really don't feel like going to the appointment, though, because...

I'm sick of doctors. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of medical bills stacked high on my pile. I'm sick my ear infections. I'm sick of sinusitis. I'm sick of feeling like sh*t. I'm sick of my town. I'm sick of my house. I'm sick of my neighbors. I'm sick of my clothes. I'm just sick. UGH

whine, whine, whine

If I could just start to feel decent, life would be so much easier. I want to take Thomas swimming at the lake. I can't because of these stupid ear infections. Well, I could, but I hate lying around on a beach -- I'd rather be in the water. And in all honesty, I haven't had the strength to go to the beach. Or the grocery store. Or anywhere.

I still have to order my school books. I'm still undecided on what to do about English. This year needs to focus on writing, but we still need grammar work, too.

I'm sick of searching, I'm sick of decision making. I want a magic wand so I can wave the wand and fix everything.

I'm going to drink some more water and go back to bed.

Monday

Today started with a very slow start. Last night I started having excruciating pain in my sinuses -- burning, so I had to take a Vicodin. Took the pain away and gave me a horrible case of insomnia. I was awake until 3:30. This morning I felt like I was hung over -- something I haven't felt in 20 years or so. Ugh. I got up, took care of the puppies, and went back to bed. I got up at noon. Thomas stayed in bed that whole time, the little booger. I really hate the feeling of being doped up, but the pain has been very bad at times. Hopefully I'm on the mend now and can do without.

I had planned on starting my day early, as I was going to deep clean the kitchen. Well, by the time we ate, showered, and got started, it was 2. Of course we couldn't eat here, we went out for a hamburger. And then I decided to try a Starbucks coffee half caf. lol I was full of excuses.

We got started on the kitchen. I have cleared out, deep cleaned and re-organized five cupboards. I've vacuumed the floors, picked up the kitchen, run two loads through the dishwasher and picked up the living room.

We decided that we needed to go out for dinner, as Bob would be home very late. Well, that turned out to be a two-hour affair. We hit Subway and Thomas ran into his very good friend who moved away last year. They were in town visiting. Sooo, the boys sat down at a table together and so did the moms. We visited for two hours.

Where did the day go?

Luckily no pain tonight, so I'm planning on some great sleep. I decided to not take the levaquin. After reading things on the internet, then talking again with the pharmacist this weekend, I think it's very risky. I have a history of tendinitis, which the doctor did not ask me about. I have had cortisone injections because it's been so bad. One of the nasty side effects from the Levaquin is tendon rupture. Too risky for me. I still have the ear infections and the sinusitis, but it's getting much better. So, knock on wood, I'll wing it without meds.

I should finish re-organizing the kitchen tomorrow. Thomas has been a great help, running little errands for me. I then need to wash walls, curtains and scrub and treat the floors. Never a dull moment.

Thomas's standardized test finally came in the mail today. It was only a week late. Or was it two weeks late? We'll have to start that later this week. Yuck.

After the kitchen is completed, I plan to do the living room and then school room. The school room is so bad -- everything is stacked on the floor, so I can barely walk. Yuck. The effects of this stressful year are really hitting me now. But by golly, I'm going to have a clean house soon!

Seventh Grade Reading List

After lots of searching to match T's interests and my desires, this is the foundation book list for the upcoming year. Some were on last year's list and we didn't get to them. Lots more varitey this year than in the past.

Catherine Called Birdy by Karen Cushman

The Face on the Milk Carton

Animal Farm

Swiss Family Robinson: Johann Wyss

Shiloh: Phyllis Reynold’s Naylor

Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry:  Mildred Taylor

The Incredible Journey:  Sheila Burnford

Johnny Tremain: Esther Forbes

The Fox and the Hound

Julie of the Wolves:  Jean Craighead George

Heidi:  Johanna Spyri

Gentle Ben  Walt Morey

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

David Copperfield:  Charles Dickens

The Diary of Anne Frank

Little Britches

Flowers of Algernon

Summer of my German Soldier

A Wrinkle in Time

Anne of Green Gables

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Dragonwings

The Hobbit

The Cay

Phantom Tollbooth

Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad

Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes

White Fang

The Outsiders
Holes

Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

A Day No Pigs Would Die

The Odyssey

Al Capone Does My Shirts

The Chocolate War

All Creatures Great and Small

Meg's Meme

Meg didn't tag me officially, but I thought I'd play.

Accent: None. I talk just like they do on the evening news.
Well, I do say "eh" a lot now that we've moved to Minnesota, doncha-know. (I don't really say doncha-know, though.)

Breakfast or no breakfast: Breakfast, but even though I'm overweight, I forget to eat.

Chore I don’t care for: Paying bills.

Dog or Cat: Two dogs, two cats. One cat is 14 years old and about ready -- the other is very sickly. When they're gone, there will be no more cats.

Essential Electronics: Computer. Can't live without -- well can't live happily without.

Favorite Cologne: Opium or Chloe for me, Polo for him. Polo makes me melt, but my husband refuses to wear it. His loss. ;-)

Gold or Silver: Gold.

Handbag I carry most often: This spring it's been a tacky vinyl mini-suitcase I bought in Colorado because my leather purse was too small. Now that I'm home for good, I'll switch back to my leather purse. I like to spend a lot of money on a good, neutral purse that will last a year or two. I'm about due for a new one.

Insomnia: Very frequently. Can we say Ambien?

Job Title: Domestic engineer. Homemaker, home educator, computer addict.

Kids: One great son.

Living Arrangements: Small three-bedroom, single family home in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. Shared with husband, son, two dogs, two cats and lots of dust bunnies.

Most Admirable Trait: My husband says loyalty.

Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: This is tough because I really was a good kid. Really. Perhaps it was the time I burned down the kitchen curtains when I was home alone. (Thankfully they were above the kitchen sink so I used the spray hose to out the fire. I was holding a candle to the window playing Laura Ingalls Wilder.) Or, perhaps it was the time I flooded our basement that had just been re-done with brand-new carpeting. I was watering the flowers, my friend came to play, I threw the hose down and left it on. It landed in the window well.

But really, I was a really good kid. Honest. Really.

Overnight hospital stays:
March 2008: Panic Attack--still paying that sucker off.
1995: C-section with Thomas
1993: fibroid removal, four nights of pure pain
1982: Tonsils
1970: Dislocated arm
June 27, 1965: My birth.

Phobias: Driving in a big city on interstates. Something happening to Thomas. Bridges. Medical "things" happening to loved ones.

Quote: sh*t. I say that way too often. Jesus, Mary and Joseph--I picked that phrase up from the judge I worked for.

Reason to smile: Thomas, Bob, Apollo and Tesla, kitties, being home. There's no place like home.

Siblings: Oh, this is a good one. I have one brother and two sisters. In November, when my father's estate is settled, I will only have one sister. I will probably never blog about that, but my brother is a horse's hind end and my sister is out of her mind. He wants nothing to do with me and hasn't for years, which is fine. She is just downright scary with the things she's done to me over the years. So life is short, and I'll be free.

Gee, I feel nasty, but if you knew the circumstances, it would be clear I'm not. I'll still pray for them. (Yes, I do pray, even though I don't care what other people do.)

Time I wake up: Whenever. I usually sleep eight hours. 7:30 or 8 usually.

Unusual Talent or Skill: My husband says organization. If you could see my house at the moment, you'd laugh. I'm skilled at being me, how's that.

On second thought, organization is a skill. In groups and organizations, I'm the one that puts things together because I do it well.

Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Broccoli. Anything cruciferous.

Worst Habit: Smoking.

X-rays: Had a chest X-ray a week ago. I have had a few in my time, can't remember them all.

Yummy Stuff: chocolate, pasta, milk -- nothing good for me. Vicodin -- ha.

Zoo Animal I Like Most: Monkey. I wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. I didn't get it. Second would be penguins. I love to watch penguins.

Tag: I am going to tag a few people.
Doc, because I'd like to know if she has a phobia (except to idiots), what veggies she doesn't like, and her naughtiest childhood behavior.

Audrey, if she has time to play

Summer Fae

And anyone else who wants to play.

I've done it now...

I have called the camp, asked a million questions -- some the director couldn't even answer. She had to call the camp and ask them. I've registered Thomas and paid for the camp. We've got a doctor appointment set up for their health form. I've even printed out the google map so we can get there.

Gulp. Baby's going to camp.

Actually, I see this as a wonderful opportunity for Thomas. I'm glad that spur of the moment google spree ended up in something that should be a lot of fun. I see this as a great growth opportunity for Thomas (and me, too).

It's been such a hard year for him and hopefully this will be a great reliever of all the stress he's been under. He's psyched because they have a wonderful climbing wall, a challenge course that looks scary but loads of fun, swimming, horses, yada yada yada. He gets to choose five things, and he'll have three classes a day in those five things. He's also interested in canoeing, which actually surprised me.

This is a YMCA camp. Before I googled, I didn't know they existed. I always thought summer camp was cost prohibitive and something you had to sign up for way in advance. We were lucky to get in, but the cost was under $400. Not bad at all.

I think I may be teary when we drive off, but only in the sense that it's just another milestone in his growing up. I know he'll have fun. And what am I going to do the week he's away?

CLEAN HIS ROOM. ha ha ha ha ha I'm an evil mother.

He'll be three hours away. In Wisconsin. I'm okay with that. (Now. Ask me in August!)

Midnight

It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.

I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.

The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.

I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.

I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.

The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.

The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.

On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.

I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol

I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.

I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?

I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.

The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.

Midnight

It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.

I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.

The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.

I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.

I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.

The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.

The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.

On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.

I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol

I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.

I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?

I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.

The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.

Neti Pot

I've gone and done it, I bought myself a Neti Pot.

It is the grossest sensation I have ever experienced. I gag, sputter, and cry out.

But, IT WORKS!

I cannot believe how this helps me breathe. I'm convinced. Thomas and Bob watch and laugh as I use it. If I don't tilt my head just right, the water runs down my throat and I made horrid noises because I cannot stand the sensation. But did I mention, IT WORKS??!!!

My teeny, tiny town sold a product called SinuCleanse. It came with the pot and packets of salt and baking soda. I could make my own, but I needed the pot.

Now, if the pressure in my ear would only go away, I'd be very happy. My left ear has been plugged since about the 19th of June. Two rounds of antibiotics have not touched it. I'm going to have to call my doctor tomorrow.

But at least I can breathe. I'm sold on the weird Neti Pots.

Goodbye, Casa Bonita

While we were in Denver, we managed to go to Casa Bonita twice. Once, my sister and her beautiful daughter took Thomas and I for my birthday. We went a second time the night before we left town.

Goodbye, Casa Bonita -- you hold decades' of memories for me.

home sweet home

And that it is, sweet.

We are home. Period. End of story. I'm not going anywhere else for a very long time.

I'm exhausted -- we worked 11-12 hour days every day.

I visited a clinic in Denver because I had an ear infection. The first thing I did upon my arrival home was go to our emergency clinic because after 10 days on antibiotics, my ear infection was not better. Lo and behold, I am now being treated for pneumonia. Add that to the ear infection and sinusitis I already had. Never a dull moment.

Tomorrow Thomas plans to play video games all day. That's fine with me. I plan to be in bed all day. Doctor's orders.

More later, after I've rested.

It is so good to be home, to see Bob, the wonder dogs Tesla and Apollo, my precious cats -- but most of all, (sorry Bob) MY bed.

One Last Thing Before I Leave...

There was a story in my local newspaper this morning about a wonderful program I wanted to share. Not for kids, but for our vets.

There is an organization called Honor Flight that sends vets to Washington, D.C. for free so they can see their memorials. Right now their priority is WWII vets because we are losing an average of 1,200 WWII vets per day. In five-ten years' time, they will all be gone.

This really touched me and made me tear up. I will be making a donation in my dad's name. If you know any WWII vets or any terminally ill vets, send them the link.

Apparently there are two organizations with similar names, and the one I have linked to is the only one that offers free flights.

Bags are Being Packed

I'm finishing laundry, packing my bags, printing estate stuff on my printer and getting ready to head off to Colorado one last time.

We'll be back in July sometime. I won't have computer access at all, so have a great June, everyone.

Roller Coaster

Life continues to be a roller coaster -- full of ups and downs.

Today was a good day, I got a lot of cleaning (desperately needed, I might add!) done and several loads of laundry. I even looked at my summer and 7th grade plans and started rethinking next year's choices.

Tonight I talked on the phone with my sister. I told her how sad I am that we'll be at dad's house next week to clean it out. This is so hard for me. I am the only one of four children that lived in that house. We moved there my sophomore year of high school. I first started dating while there, I smooched my sweeties on the patio glider, I snuck cigarettes there, and forgive me for saying this, I had a game of strip poker there when my parents weren't home. (I did not strip, only one guy did -- it was my first year of college, I was crazy.) Oh gosh, I've never admitted that to anyone.

Where I live now is my home, but dad's house is home, too. It's hard to say goodbye. I am fearing I'll be highly emotional. I told my sister tonight that I don't want to clean the counter next to the stove because that's where dad kept his calendar, his appointment cards, and all his very important stuff and I was never allowed to touch it. How on earth can I go in there and move his stuff, throw it away, take some, load some up for siblings, and/or donate it? I have such an attachment.

I've been in bed, but I started crying. That's why I got up -- blogging to take tears away. I guess it's all part of the mourning process.

I miss my dad every single day. Dad was a rock, my rock, my safety net, the man with answers. Now he's gone, his home will be gone, and we'll just have our memories and mementos we take with us.

Right before my mom died she told me that, "Death is a part of life." Don't' fear it. She then keeled over, had a heart attack in front of me, and was in a coma for nearly three days before she passed.

Hey, why am I the one child, out of four, that had to witness both my parents' heart attacks? My sister said it was because I was the one that could handle it. Handle it -- well, I did at the time. After, I broke down. I gained 50 pounds seemingly overnight when mom died. I am not gaining weight with dad's death, but I have that new diagnosis of anxiety disorder. Hey, maybe all the shaking I do when I'm having a panic attack will burn some calories and help me lose that 50 pounds I gained 15 years ago. Wishful thinking.

It's just hard to say goodbye. No more Denver. No more driving I-25, which I hated with a passion. No more Casa Bonita. No more swimming in dad's pool. No more Olive Garden with dad. No more a lot of things.

I have asked Thomas to think of some things he'd like to do because this will probably be the last time for years to come that we'll be in Denver. Casa Bonita was the top of his list. I'd like to go to the Nature and Science Museum again -- I love that place. The Denver Art Museum, the train museum in Golden, our old haunts, silly things like dad's Sam's Club, DAV to buy used clothing on senior citizen day. Dad would pay and get the 50% discount.

Gosh, I am not enjoying this goodbye one bit. I'm kicking and screaming inside. And crying a little, too.

I miss my dad. My mind tells me he's in a better place (yes, I do believe that) and pain free. My mind reminds me he was 81 years old, lived an excellent life. Still, it's hard.

Goodbye Dad, goodbye house, goodbye Denver. Time for a new chapter.

My Pretty Puppies

Hot off the presses, Apollo and Tesla at play taken this afternoon.

Sick Boy

I wanted to take Thomas in to see the doctor yesterday. He insisted he was better and he didn't want to go. He threw up at 1:30 last night, and at 2:30 I was visiting Wal-Mart for some new cold meds. The old ones didn't work.

I insisted he get in to see the doctor this morning. Poor kid had a sinus infection and bronchitis. I told the doctor his grandpa passed away a couple weeks ago and the doctor nodded his head, then explained that his immune system was down from that. He just didn't have what it took to fight off that cold.

So he got a Z-pack (spg?) and hopefully he's on his way to recovery. He told the doctor he was sick of being sick.

I'm not glad that Thomas is sick, but I can honestly say that it has made one thing easier: school. Bob was insistent we start school immediately upon our return from Colorado. I didn't have it in me. Neither did Thomas.

So, I have officially declared June to be a school-free month. We'll be gone half the month, and we just need a break. Hopefully Thomas will enjoy some time off when he isn't sick.

Come July, watch out. We have to finish up some things and our standardized test comes in July. I guess that will work well because July is usually nasty-hot nasty-humidity here, so it's best to be inside then anyway.

And so it goes.

This year school has been tough. Thinking about next year was tough, too. Right now, though, I'm at the point that I'm ready for some normalcy in our life. I want next year to be a fantastic school year. We need that.

Humor in my Life

(Warning: Tacky, gross bodily function post ahead.)

Lately there hasn't been a lot of humor in my life. I still feel like I'm walking knee-deep through the water. However, last night Thomas and I got a really good laugh.

Thomas had been sick all day, not feeling well at all. He threw up once in the day and didn't quite make it to the toilet. I had to scrub the bathroom. Yuck. Well, lo and behold, later in the evening, the same thing happened. Got sick, didn't quite make it to the toilet.

I had been talking on the phone and really had to go to the bathroom when he got sick. I had to go before I started cleaning up. I had to step over a pile of it on the floor to get to the toilet. Knowing he missed the toilet by three feet, I didn't think twice about sitting down. Big mistake. I screamed out.

Thomas came in, saw, started laughing. See, he missed the toilet the first time, but made it to the toilet for the second coming. And he was lifting the seat as he was throwing up. It was clear so I didn't see it. And I sat in puke.

Ewwww. Gross. Gag. Sputter. Ewwww. That was one very nasty sensation. After I got over the gross factor, we both laughed and laughed and laughed.

So I had a bathroom and ME to clean up.

It's the small things in life that make us smile. Thomas laughed so hard that he felt much, much better. And that made me feel good. And I had to laugh at myself because I was too stupid -- um, didn't have the intelligence to check the seat first.

interesting tidbits about my dad

He loved his job -- all his life. What a special gift.

Both of his grandfathers fought in the civil war.

He was friends with James Dean when he was a kid. (Dad was older.) Dad was into motorcycles, as was James Dean. Dad hung out at a place called Carter's Motorcycle Shop and James Dean did, too. Dad bought his first Indian from Carter's. Dean lived just down the road from Carter's. Dad always told us he taught James Dean how to ride. I would imagine it was him, along with others. James Dean also went to high school with my uncle.

Dad loved Indian motorcycles. He had two in his lifetime. He rode from Laramie, Wyoming to Indiana when he was young. In February. On a motorcycle.

Dad and I both shared a passion for family history. Dad took me to countless cemeteries in Indiana and we found our ancestors together. (Well, with my sister, her kids and Thomas came, too.)

Dad was a brilliant carpenter. He built his own house in Wyoming. He built many wonderful treasures. The last big thing he made was a harp for my sister.

Dad had a really great sense of humor. He cracked a good joke the night before he died.

He was a fountain of knowledge. He could answer any question. He gave excellent advice. He was very non-judgmental.

Dad was big-time into unions. He fought for the underdog. He served as a chairman for his local union for quite a few years.

He was a life-long democrat yet registered as a republican. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to get mailings from the republicans so he could keep abreast of what they were up to.

When I was a small child, dad used to use the word dope instead of information. I'd hear him on the phone saying, "Get the dope to me and I'll look it over." I was mortified. As a kid, I knew what dope was, and in that generation it did not mean information.

Dad loved his grandkids. He was a great grandpa. He had a special bond with Thomas because Thomas loved trains.

Dad was a very equal and fair man.

He loved to eat, and he loved vegetables. His last real meal was spinach my sister brought him.

Dad was a marine. He quit school his senior year at 17 and joined up. He proudly served his country. (And may I add, the VA proudly served him in his final days. His death was met with great dignity.)

I could go on and on, but I won't. I am just in the throws of mourning, here, and want to scream to the world how great my dad was. Because he was.

I miss him.

Woe is me

One thing after another, lately. Bob had a medical emergency Monday which required an emergency room visit, 10 stitches and in the future, advanced dental care to the tune of 5000 - 7500 bucks. Hoping insurance covers this.

I was so hoping to get back to normal -- but I forget what that is.

For some reason, my life seems to be riddled with worry. No control over anything. Time to search for a new normal. I'd try it, but I just don't seem to have the energy yet.

We have a date set to go back to Colorado and clean dad's house out. As sad as it is to close down a home, his home, I'm so anxious to get it done and over with -- steps toward that new normalcy.

On the school front, I need to order Thomas's yearly standardized test, a requirement of the state in which we live. We will do math, grammar, writing and reading for the summer. Thomas is not pleased at all, but we simply must.

My house is a mess. My finances are a mess. My life is a mess. Baby steps -- getting school back up and running will a huge step in the right direction. Getting caught up on the bazillion loads of laundry will be another.

In our town, the private schools are done for the year and the public schools finish this week. It hardly seems fair that we'll have to keep going -- especially since we're emotionally drained. That's why I chose to do only the things of most importance.

If I were rich right now I'd:

1) Hire a tutor. Something I've *never* thought of in the past.
2) Hire a cleaning lady.
3) Hire a cook.
4) Hire a gardener.
5) Have a spa treatment.
6) Find a box of Calgon and use it.

Instead, I will luxuriate in the aroma and beauty of the bouquet of flowers my good friends the Georgia Peach and Heath surprised me with yesterday. Thank you so much -- you can't imagine how much that lifted my spirits. It's things like that which remind me of how rich and fortunate I am.

Laundry and math call . . .

Goodbye, Dad

Dad passed away May 17.

Thomas and I hopped a plane on a Tuesday -- I think it was the 6th. We bought round-trip tickets planning to return the following Tuesday. We gave up our tickets. (Hotwire is nonrefundable.) We ended up returning just tonight.

This trip cost us a couple thousand dollars that we didn't have, but it was priceless. We got to spend the final weeks with dad.

I had the honor of taking him outside for his last cigar. Dad enjoyed watching Thomas climb a tree on the grounds. We all enjoyed talks while he could, and then later just holding hands.

Dad was moved from the hospital to the VA. We were so impressed with the care he received.

I am numb, exhausted, and sad beyond belief. I am relieved that dad is not suffering any longer, though.

Driving home from the airport tonight, Thomas stated that he felt as if a part of him died. I feel the same way.

My heart aches.

no physical violence

Could I hit this beautiful face? Spank this wonderful child? NO WAY.

Spanking is violence, which is something we try to protect our children from. Just say no to spanking!

Spank-out Day

Thanks to Doc for the reminder.

Just don't do it. Say no to spanking.

That Dog I Hit Last October

Last October, on Thomas's 12th birthday, I hit a dog. It was horrible and I've thought about it a lot since it happened. It doesn't help that we have to drive by the owner's house any time we want to go anywhere.

When I hit the dog, we gave them our phone number and asked them to please call us and let us know how the dog was. They did not give us their name nor number.

They never called. Bob and I assumed the dog died.

Bob and I have also had discussions with Thomas on how dangerous that was, and the fact that they would have been held responsible financially had we got rear ended, which almost happened. So as sad as it was, it was a learning experience.

I never had the heart to go knock on their door to ask them about the dog.

Lo and behold, today we were driving back from my medical appointment and were following a school bus. The bus stopped right in front of their house. I looked, as I've done every time I drive by for any signs of a dog -- and I saw it!

The dog lived. There he was, cute as a button, sporting a fresh haircut, wagging his tail while his girl, who was 5, ran toward him from the school bus. He was on a tie-down.

What a relief. I had feared he died, and it was really good to know that he did not. That was a horrible day.

As Thomas and I drove home, he commented on the fact that their dog lived, but ours died and he was glad they didn't have to experience that pain.

We still miss Jerry and think of him often, but Tesla and Apollo keep us more than busy and are full of love.

Friday Night

Another week finished.

School: Uneventful this week. We got the bare necessities done and a whole lot of reading.

Mood: Thomas's mood improved greatly over the week. Mine did not.

Other stuff: And there is other stuff. I started this blog to be an online journal of our homeschool lives. I had intended it to be only homeschool related, but the fact is that homeschool and life cross over their lines. Can't have a compartmentalized life with subdivisions -- life is a whole. So I'm going to be blogging about my health issues, too. Skip on by if need be.

Health issues: I went to my doctor today for a follow-up visit from my hospitalization. May I just say, I love my doctor. He's far from perfect, but he listens to me. I provided him with all my hospital reports. He told me I didn't just experience a massive panic attack, I experienced a massive trauma. No wonder I'm still not recovered.

He says I have generalized anxiety disorder and prescribed a new medication for that. Someone asked me today how I felt about that being in my record. I don't care. If you've got it, you've got it. It doesn't make me any less than...it just is. I just want to FEEL better. And from the little research I've done tonight, I think that may just happen. It gives me great hope!

My doctor is tied in with my eye doctor (part of the great Mayo Clinic -- found everywhere in Minnesota) and I told him about the test that my eye doc wants me to have. I took the list of approved neurologists and he picked one out that he really liked. He then stated it would be a good six to eight weeks before I could see him, so why don't we start the ball rolling by getting an MRI and ultrasound of my head and carotid artery. Sure. That will happen Monday.

With my history of lying down and the vision in my left eye blurring, plus the headaches I always have, he thought that would be a great start to have the info for the neurologist.

So I'm really not so scared about any of this any more, I'm relieved that things are getting done and figured out.

I guess the only scary part is hoping insurance covers the majority of this. Thank goodness for insurance.

Tonight I have not cried. That's a first for this week. I'm usually very teary in the evenings. I just didn't feel down tonight, but hopeful instead. Two steps forward!

Homeschool: We're plugging away, and in the back of my mind I'm planning out next year. I cannot believe my baby will be in the 7th grade. Seventh grade is when I started to feel grown up. It will be interesting to watch how he goes through it, because he doesn't have the social pressures of peers. I hope he'll continue to play still. His choices are maturing -- he wants an iPod, loves his cell phone, he's drooling over a motorized scooter, etc. Yet, he still plays.

The plan for next year is as follows: (I'm not done planning, but so far)

World History: Glencoe Human Heritage. When I get it, I'll decide if we'll do this in one or two years.

Civics, another Glencoe text book. We started that this year, but have not finished it. Thomas *loves* it.

Science: Another Glencoe textbook. This time I won an eBay auction with the teacher's guide, tests, workbooks, etc. So we'll have a little more to go on than just the text. We used a Glencoe life science text this year and Thomas would read it for hours if I let him.

English:
Spelling: I think we need to continue on with spelling, so we'll use Sequential Spelling again
Literature: I think we'll use Lightening Literature. I'll need to look it over before deciding what else we do. I hear the writing isn't the best, so if not we'll use...
Writing: Wordsmith
Grammar: I am leaning on using Power Basics English. Again, I need to have it in my hands to see if I've got overkill going on here or not.
Reading: I am putting together a book list for Thomas to read next year. This year I'm going to actually BUY the books so they're on hand. There's nothing worse than hitting the library and finding they don't have the book (like Anne Frank last year) or else if they have it, it's checked out. I'm spoiled in that regard.
Geography: Yet another textbook from Prentice Hall. Got the teacher's guide and tests,etc.
Foreign Language: Spanish. I have everything we need, intended to do it this year, but it was the one thing that always gave way when we didn't have time. That, plus I was painfully slow in learning vocabulary. My greatest wish is that I could find a Spanish class for Thomas to go to -- but I don't think that's going to happen.
Art, Music: Lots of art projects planned, and music appreciation, too. Toying with the idea of starting piano lessons. Thomas doesn't want to, I'm not keen on recitals at all, but I think one year of lessons would be a good thing. Still debating on that.
Computer: Need to get going on this. Thomas needs to revisit his website. I have a book on Excel. We need to explore Word together, too. Those things are just the tip of the iceberg. Need to find time to get that done this year. Plus, we need to revisit keyboarding skills.
Finally, Math, Thomas's most hated subject: We like it. Thomas didn't going back to Rod and Staff. It just worked the best for our family, but he doesn't like any math program. He learned and learned well from Rod and Staff -- and that's what counts.

So that's the plan at the moment. Have to figure out something a little more formal for phy ed. Swimming lessons in the summer are fine, but we need a little more. Thomas doesn't like sports, so that closes many doors. I'll figure out something.

I used to be very anti-textbook. What I have discovered is that textbooks are great. They're organized, plans are laid out so you know how much to do per day and how many days a week you need to do them. And that leaves open LOTS of room for supplementation. I think from here on out, we'll be very text-book oriented.

And that's life on a Friday night.

One less thing...

Taxes: DONE. Whew. Took me all morning, and then the accountant zipped through them in a half hour. We had the honor of being his last client for the day. He's taking tomorrow off. We're getting a little money back, which will go straight into our special funds account. We're saving for a new roof and furnace. Cha-ching to both items.

School today? GOOD GRIEF! Thomas spent the morning hiding from his frenzied mother. I was looking for receipts, tearing the house apart, acting like a mad woman. Talk about waiting until the last minute. Thomas did tons of reading and science today. He had his art class this afternoon.

I still feel like I'm walking knee-deep in water. One less thing now, though. Now on to other pressing issues. I'm also hoping to get my house back in order sometime soon -- that would make me feel so much better. I did express to Bob tonight how frustrated I am, because everyone leaves everything for me. I've become the maid, and I don't like it one bit. He actually floored me by mentioning he'd been thinking of spring cleaning. HUH? Bob, cleaning? He wants to wash walls, windows and scrub and re-seal the floors. Cool. I hope it comes to fruition! I'm not holding my breath, though. ;-)

Late-night Monday

Just an update.

My dad is doing *really well* !!! Woo-hoo. My sister has started the search for an assisted living facility for dad. He's made huge improvements since I've last seen him. I talked to him on the phone Saturday night and thought: My dad is back, completely! This makes my heart soar! He's got his fight back -- which is what he needs.

Life in Minnesota? Um, well, um ... we're plugging. Both Thomas and I are whiny. Thomas really is letting off steam. School consists of only a few subjects a day, coupled with much moaning and groaning. I am not concentrating well to help smooth matters over. I think time will help.

I feel like I'm walking knee-deep in water. Lots of stuff I have to get done in a short amount of time. Typically, this wouldn't be a big deal, but now it is. I'm working on my taxes tonight -- my appointment is at 4 tomorrow afternoon. Talk about cutting it close!

Bob brought me a list of 15 neurologists in the area that our insurance company said I can use. Now, how do I pick by a name alone? This has me stumped. I guess I can call the eye doc back and ask who he recommends, and then my doctor's office. It certainly would be easier if there were some to choose from in our town.

I haven't read a book yet. I have been using eye drops, though. My eyes feel really good. So good that I was floored, because I didn't know my eyes didn't feel good until they started feeling good. I did sit down and read a chapter of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, which is a book I've been wanting to revisit. Reading the chapter was fine except when I stopped to put eye drops in. No blurriness or fatigue...but it was only a chapter. I need to get through some of this other stuff so I can sit and read a spell.

I have definite and true signs of depression going on right now. That Thursday night I was just sobbing uncontrollably. Bob did take the afternoon off on Friday. We didn't do anything, but his presence did help. I am debating anti-depressants. I've tried them years ago, and they never seemed to help. I worry, though, because this is going to be a long-term situation, and I'm down already, so I don't know what to do. My doctor appointment is on Friday, so we'll figure something out.

On a fun note, Thomas, Bob and I went to Kmart last week for something and Thomas discovered the 90%-off Easter stuff. I had promised him we'd have Easter at home, but I kind of forgot about it. Thomas picked a candy-making kit for $9.99. I said no way. The clerk said, "Oh, buy it, it's only 90 cents." So I did. And we bought three egg dying kits. And we bought an Easter Gingerbread house. The house was only 90 cents, and the kits were 14 cents apiece.

So yesterday Bob prepared our Easter dinner. It was delicious. Today we dyed eggs and made candy and the gingerbread house.

Thomas got his easter after all.

(And for what it's worth, we are Christians, and even though we never attend church, on the real Easter morning, Thomas and I stopped at the hospital's chapel and had a little mini-service of our own.)

So we had a little bit of religion, and mostly secular fun to go with it.

Bob came up with an idea to extend our privacy fence with chain link so the dogs could have a big run. This was my idea, too, and even Thomas's. But when Bob thinks it's his idea, things work better. ;-) So we're waiting for the ground to warm up enough to dig post holes. We do have to get a permit from the city first, but I don't think that will be a problem. The fence will run 20 feet deep and 30? feet -- no, it must be more -- along the side of the house. It will be a great area for them. Now, I've always wanted the whole back yard to have a privacy fence, but I'll gladly compromise with an ugly chain link for our dogs' sakes.

School wise, we're finishing up a book called Mastering Essential Math Skills: 20 Minutes a Day to Success, Book 2: Middle Grades/High School . I bought CLE before we left for Colorado, but we ended up hating it. I'll post a review someday. Next year we're going back to Rod and Staff.

Thomas has almost finished reading his life science textbook. I have three new science textbooks waiting for him for next year.

We're plugging along with writing and reading. And it's time to restart the Civil War. I'd like to spend the rest of our year on that.

So we're not covering all the bases, and I usually have tons of bases that need to be covered, but we're getting back into the swing.

Now if only I could get my house cleaned to my satisfaction. Hasn't happened yet. Haven't' caught up on laundry, either.

BUT...life is good. It's full of ups and downs, that's just the way it is, and you have to enjoy each moment, or take each moment for what it's worth -- that's how you get through it all. Didn't someone once say, That which doesn't kill us makes us stronger? We're stronger now.

Tonight Thomas and I had a discussion, that we've lightly touched on before, but we really talked about it. We saved a life. Our actions saved Grandpa's life. Now I can feel good about that. Before, I had worried that my actions caused him harm -- but I should have known how strong my dad is, and I should have listened when he said he was happy to be alive. It makes me cry. I have my dad back. How lucky am I? Thomas has his Grandpa. How lucky is he. Grandpa has been working very hard, to the point of exhaustion. He's bound and determined to get out of hte skilled nursing facility. And he will. He's a very strong, bull headed, opinionated man -- I'm a chip off that old block.

I told Thomas tonight that he is my hero. What happened was very scary, but he stepped up to the plate. When I needed to get dad to the floor to start CPR, I couldn't because I couldn't move the chair. Thomas did. Thomas got control of the puppies when the paramedics showed up and put them in their crates. Thomas ran and made sure the doors opened so they could get into the house. Thomas was a great help in saving his grandpa's life.

Yes, Thomas is my hero. He endured daily visits to the hospital, consisting of long, exhausting, boring hours. He watched his grandpa, talked to his grandpa, and was very polite. Then he would go find a waiting room where he could wiggle around and be noisey. Then he'd come back. He never once complained. He never once acted out. He was the perfect gentleman.

Yes, Thomas, you ARE a hero.

You have my permission to be whiny right now, because it's all built up from March.

I wish I had some Harry Potter flu powder to go and visit Dad right now. I think he'd tell me to get home, get the house cleaned, my bills paid, school done, etc.

As dad was getting checked out of the hospital and getting ready to move to the western slope of Colorado, he said: Go home, I don't need you anymore. That really hurt my feelings. So the next morning, as I was packing his bag for him, I asked him, "Do you really not need me anymore?" He agreed, he didn't need me. So I smiled, a big smile, and said, "But you want me, though, right? You may not need me, but you want me?" He started laughing. That was the reaction I needed. He wants me. =)

When it rains, it pours

And I'm in a downpour at the moment.

Yesterday I made a follow-up to my hospitialization doctor appointment, a full physical appointment, two dentists appointments, one for Thomas and one for me, and an eye doctor appointment. Imagine my surprise when my eye appointment was TODAY.

Well, there's good news and bad news. The good news is I have been diagnosed with rosacea, if that can be good news. Now I always suspected I had rosacea because my cheeks are always red, but I never thought much of it. WRONG. It is in my eyes. This is the reason that I have not been able to read a book for a couple years now. So the good news is that I have artificial tears and I am to practice blinking A LOT when reading, and I should be a reader again. That makes my year. I never knew rosacea could harm the eyes, but it really can. Scary stuff!

This got discovered today because I did NOT wear makeup. So I think from now on, I won't wear makeup to any doctor appointment.

I probably do have glaucoma. I go back for some weird test as soon as they get me scheduled. It doesn't appear I have any optic nerve damage, which is good. Not good news, but caught early and treated, not the worst news. Hopefully.

The really bad news: I was referred to a neurologist for special evaluation and testing. I go blurry eyed in one eye when I recline, such as laying down to watch TV. When I get up, it takes 15-20 minutes for my vision to clear. The opthalmologist suspects there may be something very wrong with my carotid artery. Yikes.

I'll have to get on the phnone tomorrow and find a neurologist that is on my insurance plan, because we don't have one locally. This scares the crap out of me because there is a family history of carotid artery blockage. I also have to get on the phone and get all my Denver medical records sent to my doctor. I was given some, but no specific test results except the stress/treadmill test. I also have to think back to every single eye doctor I've ever been to, find their numbers, and get my records. Good grief.

The neurologist part scares me the most.

It could all be worse, but I just wasn't up for this today. I guess I wouldn't be up for it any day, but I've had enough going on right now.

I came home and bawled.

~~~~~~~

On a school-related note, things have been better. We've been getting into the habit slowly but surely. Book learning is going on again in our house, which is a very good thing. We've decided to work really hard so we don't have to use the entire summer (or month of June) to catch up.

I talked to my dad on the phone yesterday and he sounded so good -- better than he did when he was in the hospital. That did wonders for my heart and soul. It is so hard being so far away.

I asked Bob to take the afternoon off tomorrow. He readily agreed. I just need him to be close right now. He's good at chasing off the scary monsters in the closet, so to speak.

We're supposed to get up to six inches of snow tomorrow. Good grief, it's April already! Snow, snow, go away, please come back another day...preferably next winter.

Here's hoping next week is better!

Three Little Kittens

On a lighter note, I saw this video today and *loved* it. If you like kittens, you'll enjoy it.

Stink, Stank, Stunk

I fear my future blog entries are going to all be negative. Please, forgive me.

School today? Stink, stank, stunk. We both had a terrible time getting started up. We finished three subjects. It took us all day. 'Twas an awful day.

The house is a pit, I have bills to pay, dishes to wash, laundry to do. I took the weekend off and so did everyone else. Big mistake on my part. At least I got unpacked.

I actually snuck in a nap this morning, too.

Tomorrow is another day. While Bob might be upset with what little we accomplished, I'm cutting Thomas and myself some slack. Each day will be better.

If I had three wishes to be granted, this is what I would wish for:

1) Good health for my father -- and all my loved ones, but especially dad.
2) Easing of Thomas's struggles with life in general at the moment.
3) A maid, a cook, an errand runner, a bill payer, a laundry doer, a tutor: Wait, what I need is a wife!

Sunday, Sunday

Dreading Monday. I think getting back into the routine will be good for both Thomas and I, but I’m dreading it nonetheless.

Yesterday I didn’t shower and get dressed until afternoon. Same today.

I tried to get a nap in yesterday, but the phone kept ringing. One time it was dad calling on his new Jitterbug phone. That was a nice surprise.

The whole family packed up and hit Wally World last night. We were looking for an intermediate sized crate for Tesla, but they didn’t have one we liked. What they had was a bit too small, and the large was way too large. We need to venture out into the real world soon as Tesla is too big for his crate now. He fits, he curls up fine, but I’d like him to have a tad more room.

I bought myself something last night. A Bissell stick vacuum. I was getting very sick of lugging around my small canister vac to do floors. Dad had a cordless Shark that was good at picking up chunks on carpet (dog food, big crumbs, etc.) and that got me to thinking about my own floors. I tried his Shark on his wooden entryway and his laundry room floor. I wasn’t impressed. I was, however, impressed with the way it was light weight and easy to maneuver.

I looked online and found some great stick vacs, but always impatient, I decided to buy one at Wal-mart last night. It was only $19.99. Bob put it together for me and I am very surprised, but it works very well. It’s like a Dust Buster with a handle and floor attachment. The only drawback is that the cord is so short it won’t reach the entire floor in my kitchen. So I need to run out and buy an extension cord for the thing.

It’s the small things in life that get us through – and having something new to vacuum my hardwood floors is really the highlight of my month.

I have been avoiding looking at school work. I should be sitting down going over things, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day for both Thomas and I. Thomas is very upset that we’ll be doing school until the end of June. Can’t be helped, though.

I’m thinking of cutting some subjects short. We had started studying civics, which we both really enjoyed. It’s not imperative that we finish that this year, though. I’m going to scrutinize my list and do only what is of utmost importance: math, science, reading, grammar and writing. I’ll tweak as we go. I’d like to throw history back into the loop, but I’ll let time tell. We do need a gentle day tomorrow.

I’ve been looking at cell phones, or prepaid cell phones to be exact. The last time Bob was in South Carolina, we got hit with a cell phone bill that was over $200. We typically pay $86 a month. Our company just got bought out, and the new company charges you .10 a minute if you’re not on one of their towers. What a jolt to the system that was after we were used to never paying extras for years. My cell phone bill from Denver is going to be a KILLER. I bet it will be over $300. You just have to have a cell phone in an emergency.

So, while in Denver I bought Thomas his first cell phone, a Trac Fone. We couldn’t get a local number with the phone he got, so he got a Colorado phone number. It was easy to use, and the cost would be very cheap if we got the high minute card and double minute card. He used his phone everywhere – including all the way back to Minnesota – and always had coverage. I looked at some of the other prepaid phones, and it looks as if the Trac Fone would be the best bet for us. My plans are to switch to unlimited long distance on my land line and just use the cell phone when out and about. I use my current cell for all long distance now. I think that’s what we’re going to do. In case of emergency, Trac Fone cards can be purchased anywhere, so I could buy a big-minute card if need be.

I hate making decisions like that, but I really detest our new phone company. I went in person to the local store to ask about and then contest that big phone bill, and they were so rude I filed a complaint. I talked to the service center online and they weren’t much better, but they did cut my overages in half. We had such a great deal, and it’s gone. None of the other cell phone companies in our area are nearly as cost effective as our old plan was. So, prepaid wireless it is.

My mood this weekend has been very low. Friday night I cried for about four hours straight. I had cried off and on during the whole ordeal, but not for long. At home, safe and sound, I was able to really let it all out. I hate being so far from my dad. Thomas has been very upset this weekend as well. He’s actually had a few crying spells himself. I had to remind Bob to go very easy on him because of all the trauma he has experienced. I cannot imagine what Thomas is thinking – it was hard enough on me, and I’m over 40. How on earth a young child would process all that happened is beyond me. He doesn’t really want to discuss anything. Typical male, perhaps? He’s letting off steam slow but sure, though. Bob and I have both told him that if he needs to talk, we’re here. I’ve also asked him some prompting questions to get him to open up a bit. He’ll talk a little but then just tell me he doesn’t want to talk about it. So I’m going to let him be, yet be there for him. He’s like me, he’s somewhat delayed reaction. I have a feeling as we get back into our routine, he’ll have an emotional week. As will I.

Home

We're home. Thomas and I, and Apollo and Tesla, arrived late this afternoon. Bob had a delicious dinner in the oven waiting for us. We were overjoyed to see our cats.

Bob was amazed at how Tesla and Apollo had grown. He said they left as puppies and dogs came home. I'll have to snap a photo in the next few days to share. Also amazing, Thomas grew 1/4 of an inch while gone. I guess all that fast food and hospital food agreed with him.

I am in a very melancholy mood: It's good to be home, but my heart is very heavy.

We'll resume school on Monday. I need tomorrow to relax. We had originally planned on leaving Denver Monday, but I just couldn't. There were many things to do, and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I needed rest before the two-day drive home. I worked, but was able to rest and not work at such a fast pace.

Our drive through Nebraska this morning was pure hell. Down poor, white-out conditions when truckers passed. It was awful. Many times I was tempted to pull off and find something to do, but I plugged along. We were at Omaha when the rain finally lightened up.

I need a day of nothing. I'm going to take it tomorrow.