Thursday, February 07, 2008

2:30 am

I awoke. I'm sick. Again.

Sitting here sipping on a Sunkist pop, because we're out of Sierra Mist, trying to settle my tummy, I'm in deep thought.

I hate January. There, I said it. It's depressing. And cold. The only thing to look forward to is February, where the temps will rise, slightly.

I hate February. The temps are usually warmer, not below zero, but Mother Nature likes to laugh at us and slap us with some very cold days anyway. (And my heart goes out to those who experienced the bad storms and tornadoes -- Mother Nature is cruel!)

Since moving to Minnesota a decade ago, I have developed a seasonal depression. It hits in January and February. I have severe cabin fever. I'm tired, I'm cranky, I'm depressed -- mildly -- and just crawling out of my skin.

Today was a bad day. We only got about half of the stuff on our school list done. Watership Down was on TV again and Thomas requested that he be allowed to watch, so I over-enthusiastically agreed. Why? So I could sleep on the couch. And sleep I did. Then I awoke, grumpy, mad at the world.

Part of my problem this February is I am sick to death of my husband being out of town. He was gone in November. He was gone two weeks in December. He was gone a week in January, home a week, and then gone again. This time he's been gone three weeks. Three L~O~N~G weeks.

It's hard being a single parent. It's hard not having a moment to myself. It's hard when there are two puppies in the house.

Anyway, after Watership Down was over, Thomas quickly figured out I wasn't getting off the couch any time soon, so he turned it to Oprah and curled up with a book. Oprah actually got me out of my funk a little because the topic was The Secret which I have long believed in before the book came out. I watched the show with interest, got up and took a hot shower, then prepared supper.

I don't know how to overcome the winter blues. I've tried full-spectrum lights. I've tried getting outdoors more. I've half-heartedly attempted exercise. Nothing works except for spring to arrive. I do know that I get in bad moods and my thoughts get very negative very quickly. So at least I can control that.

So here I sit. January 6 I was sicker "than a dog" in Rochester, Minnesota. I was sick that entire week. Thomas got sick not long after, then I got sick again. We both seemed to be on the mend, now here I am sick again.

I think my body is rebelling. I think I need rest. I think tomorrow is supposed to be a day where we snuggle on the couch and read great books and have great discussions.

Friday Bob comes home. I know I'll feel better when he's back. After 18 1/2 years of marriage, I find I miss him more when he's gone now than I did even a few years ago. He's my rock. Even though it's always an adjustment when he gets home.

I'd go back to bed, but I know I can't sleep. So I'll continue to sip my Sunkist, wishing it were a Sierra Mist, and feeling glad that the Imodium is kicking in.

Calgon, take me away.


Heather said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling so sucky. Winter is pretty depressing and awful for me too. It helps me to decorate in bright, spring colors - just for depths of the winter so it stays "new", kwim? Not only does it help decorating, the shopping part is fun too. You can get some awesome deals on yellow/blue/green flowery springy stuff at dollar stores and discount places in the middle of the winter.

Hope you feel better soon.

Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

Oh, sweetie, it sounds like the Long Dark Teatime of the Soul. Which is a very funny book and probably available at the library, when you can get out again.

Winter is hard enough when you are only dealing with the weather and the darkness. But when you keep passing the sickness around, it is harder.

When I was a teen living in the midwest, I remember that winter seemed endless. And I also was embarrassed when on the first nice day of spring after the blizzardy cold winter of 1976-77, my dad ran around shouting joyfully to the neighbors:
"Spring! It makes you feel human again."

But now, I think I know what he meant.

Do give yourself a break. And realize that even if you only get half of what you planned done, it is far more than probably would happen in a classroom full of kids in a day. Take it from me--I was a teacher for 10 years.

Drink something hot and soothing, and easy on the tummy. Snuggle up in fresh sheets. Cuddle the puppies. And find a good book to lose yourself in.

It's about 5 more weeks 'til the first day of Spring. It may not be warm yet, then, but it will be lighter!

Summer Fae said...

I hope that you are feeling better really soon.

Mama B said...

I miss the smell of spring. I find that with all this snow this winter I'm thinking about the smell of spring more and more.

Rest and rejuvenate. Hope the icky sick goes away soon!

Kate in NJ said...

I do hope you feel better soon and spring is just around the corner.

Becky at Farm School said...

Oh, Frankie, I hope the Imodium and the sunshine and Bob all kick in soon, and that you're feeling better FAST.

Hugs from me too :)