Wednesday, July 16, 2008

2 am Whining Again

It's 2 am and I'm awake. Wide awake.

I woke up this morning feeling very ill -- extremely toxic is how I felt. I just felt as if my system was full of bad things. I won't get into descriptive detail, but I was sick the whole day. Today, the couch was my friend.

Didn't get the kitchen done.
Didn't get anything done.

Tesla was sick and threw up in his crate this morning.
He had the runs tonight. Bob called the vet tonight and he told us to give him Kaopectate. Bob ran to the store and took care of the dog. All the while, I was on the couch. Sick.

Lying there tonight, I just kept thinking about my dad and how I miss him. I also kept thinking how this year has just sucked.

Friday I go to a neurologist appointment for this funky thing I have going on with my eye. If I lie down to watch TV, when I get up my vision is so blurred I can't see to read. I can't see numbers on the clock. It's just in one eye. It's been going on for years, and finally someone took me seriously when I mentioned it. I really don't feel like going to the appointment, though, because...

I'm sick of doctors. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of medical bills stacked high on my pile. I'm sick my ear infections. I'm sick of sinusitis. I'm sick of feeling like sh*t. I'm sick of my town. I'm sick of my house. I'm sick of my neighbors. I'm sick of my clothes. I'm just sick. UGH

whine, whine, whine

If I could just start to feel decent, life would be so much easier. I want to take Thomas swimming at the lake. I can't because of these stupid ear infections. Well, I could, but I hate lying around on a beach -- I'd rather be in the water. And in all honesty, I haven't had the strength to go to the beach. Or the grocery store. Or anywhere.

I still have to order my school books. I'm still undecided on what to do about English. This year needs to focus on writing, but we still need grammar work, too.

I'm sick of searching, I'm sick of decision making. I want a magic wand so I can wave the wand and fix everything.

I'm going to drink some more water and go back to bed.


Mama B said...

I have lots of a$$vice. But in the end it all boils down to one thought.

Take care of yourself :)

Rest when you need to rest, weep when you need to weep and recuperate. School can be pushed back a little. The kitchen will wait for you (unless those kitchen fairies we've all ordered show up!)

And whine all you need too because sometimes it's what a girl needs to do.


Kate in NJ said...

I agree with Mama b...whine all you want, and rest. The mess, the school,
it will all be there when you feel better. ;-)

Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

At 2 AM life seems overwhelming even when it's not. And when it is...sometimes a mom's gotta uncork a good whine! Get well soon!

mull-berry said...

Good luck with your appt today!

Summer Fae said...