Friday, July 18, 2008

Expletive

If this weren't a G-rated blog, I'd be swearing up a storm today. I'm in a very bad mood.

Why? Well, I have good news -- neurologically I'm fine, fit as a fiddle. My doctor says that he's not concerned about my weird eye thing, and to chalk it up to just that, weird. He was rather cute and said, "That's okay, I'm weird too."

BUT then he says to me that he would guess I snore, a lot, and loudly. Mm-hmm. He examined my throat and said I have soft palate issues. He said I had five red flags on my medical history to indicate I have sleep apnea. He is writing a letter to my doctor so that we can get a sleep study underway. He's certain I have it. And he thinks I have it bad.

&*(%^*^% Why does this anger me? Because I don't want to have to use one of those &@#$!ing machines. I have issues getting comfortable as it is. I sleep on my stomach. Always. I cannot sleep in any other position. You can't change 43 years' worth of stomach sleeping like that.

I also am sick to death of doctors, doctors' offices, and medical bills. So sick of them that I haven't gone back to my doctor for my ears and sinuses. I'd rather suffer than walk in another facility.

And damn it all, I don't want to sleep in front of people. My neighbor just had a sleep study done and he was watched while he slept. I cannot do that. Period. I would never sleep. I mean I might fart, scratch something inappropriate or drool. The invasion of privacy is enough to set me off. My anxiety is high already.

The thought of actually feeling good and rested every day? Well, that sounds wonderful. I'm tired of being sick and tired, but I don't want to wear something on my head every night. I don't want to be tested. I'm just going to be in a pissy mood over this.

I know, I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm kicking and screaming at the moment. And I've said every dirty word I know many times today. And that's a lot of words. Well, at least in my mind. Well, I said a few out loud when Thomas was outside. And I said a few when he was in my presence.

Shit. There, I said it. I'm human.

Tantrum over. Will call Monday morning first thing and make yet another flipping doctor appointment.

Okay, tantrum really over -- for the moment.

4 comments:

Carole in DE said...

My brother, who snored so loud it would raise the roof on the barn, went through this too. Sleep study, found to have apnea. He wears one of those funny-things at night too and back when we were talking said it helped tremendously.

Maybe it would help but it would be nice if you could just jump over to using the funny-thingy rather than going through all those Dr appointments....

Becky said...

Sending hugs. I hope it's one of those things where it just has to get worse before it gets better :)

Heather said...

I think I'm supposed to say, "Just hang in there a bit more and soon this will all be over." I'd like to say that, but that's not how it usually works, and certainly not how it's worked out for you so far. So hang in there. It will be over some day. Hopefully before you die ;) #@%&!! indeed.

(((HUGS))) I'll be thinking of you.

Kate in NJ said...

((hugs))
I am weird too...hope one of
these doc appointments finally makes you feel better. ;-)