Monday, August 18, 2008


Is it Monday already? My days are blurred.

I don't mind admitting here that I have been in a terrible funk for quite a few days now. I try so hard to stay positive, but my body and soul just ache from fatigue.

School starts two weeks from tomorrow. I follow our local public school schedule, and I'm very thankful they don't start until September.

I have two weeks to get my house in order, school planning completed, laundry caught up, bills paid, estate inventory done -- well, that needs to be done asap, and throw in some final summer fun. It all seems so overwhelming at the moment.

So today I took baby steps. That's the only thing I know to do when I get in a funk. I dug in and built a little momentum and got a little done. Physically, I am still not normal. I'm still on antibiotics, my ears are still popping, and I'm still easily exhausted. The good news is that I'm feeling so, so much better.

I'm wanting to follow my good friend Becky's advice by having a happy new year party. I usually think in terms of school year anyway. It's a little difficult, though, because memories of Dad pop into my head all the time. They make me stop what I'm doing and think and sometimes cry, sometimes smile. I suppose that will go on for awhile. It just makes me very sad that Dad won't be part of new year.

With the new year brings fear of what may or may not happen as well. It will be full of doctor appointments, adjusting to medications, getting the level just right, and my person fear of seizures. I can't get wrapped up in that, though. That fear is what is doing me in.

Breathe. One moment at a time.

Fear aside, I'm very anxious to start school again. I'm anxious and happily anticipating a normal routine. I'm excited to start learning again. I think that will do me more good, help me get back to a better place in my mind. I need that.

Thomas is doing very well. He still has bursts of frustration about his diagnosis and asks questions out of the blue. I think it's on his mind a lot. He's happy, though. Going to summer camp did more good for him, it renewed him. He's cheerful and optimistic.

Onward...more baby steps to take to get everything accomplished.


SabrinaT said...

Sending hugs and good thoughts! You are right BREATH! Take time to just be....

Kate in NJ said...

I am glad you are starting to feel better...I can feel your pain over your Dad.
((hugs)) You all deserve a New Year Party!

Chucki the Parrothead said...

Feel better soon, and take things one day at a time.