Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sleep, Or Lack Thereof

It is 7:10 am. I have been up all night. Not by choice.

In the last week, I have had three sleepless nights. Normally I can drift off when Bob gets up and starts getting ready for work. Today I didn't because his jeans were in the washer and I got up and threw them in the dryer so he'd have something to wear to work. Nice of me, eh?

I think I'm going to try to stay up.

I think this lack of sleep is due to the grieving process. I constantly think of my Dad, I worry about his house selling, I re-live the past five months over and over and over. I worry about Thomas. I worry about school, and my inability to finish getting it all planned out. We're good to go, really, but I'm a planner and I haven't done that anal planning that I like to do with pretty planner pages. I'm just weird that way.

Okay, so to add to the grieving, I have anxiety issues. Obviously. This is just stupid, because lack of sleep -- or lack of eight hours -- is really bad for my health. I'm the type that needs eight hours, nine is ideal. It's like a vicious cycle: lack of sleep produces anxiety, anxiety produces lack of sleep.

I've stated before, I am ready to start school so we'll get that routine going. That will help.

On the other hand, all these sleepless hours were spent researching commonly misspelled words. I'm making up my own list, then I'll make some very basic worksheets. Thomas, in addition to his spelling program that I bought, is going to have to tough it out with a list of 20 spelling words a week. Whether he likes it or not.

I wonder how long I'll last today. I'll probably end up taking a nap. And then I won't be able to sleep tonight. Nah, I'll go to Walgreen's and re-fill my Ambien prescription. It's been a few weeks since I've been out, so even though I was trying to get by not using it, I think I need it.

At least it's a beautiful morning.

6 comments:

Mama B said...

((hugs))

I'll send thoughts for a quiet mind and a restful night in your direction.

On a completely different line of thought what are you finding as commonly misspelled words? The bane of my spelling existence is the "ie" or "ei" words which I still consistently reverse :P A simple one that does me it all the time!

mull-berry said...

If I see the Sandman, I'll send him your way!

rae said...

Ambien may be just the thing. Sleeplessness can be so frustrating. Sending you drowsy thoughts.

Elisheva Hannah Levin said...

Frankie, I think of you often and wonder how you are doing in this year of your grief.

It sounds like you have hit a low spot. May you be comforted in the knowledge that "this too shall pass."

On the practical level, are you getting enoug physical exercise during the day? An evening walk before settling down--but not too close to bedtime--followed by hot milk and honey can sometimes do wonders for better sleep.

Take good care of yourself, Frankie, and pamper yourself a little as you grieve. I think about you a lot, and wonder how you are doing...Love to you and yours--on both sides of the veil.

The Southern Witch said...

I am sorry for your loss. Don't try to be a superhero, get the meds if you need them. Your rest is important.

Summer Fae said...

(((hugs)))