Jerry Update

Here's a photo, taken three minutes ago, of Jerry. He's chewing on a bone and making a mess of my carpet. He doesn't act or look sick at all. That's one reason this is so difficult -- we get lulled into the false belief that he's okay. He's not.

On October 1st we saw the second vet. That was the day he was diagnosed and given two weeks to live. Good job, Jerry. He's just not ready yet.

Happy November

My mood continues to be extremely melancholic. I am just so heartbroken over Jerry Lee. He is doing very well.

We live on a street where lots of homes give out trick or treat candy, but the houses on either side of us do not. Plus we do not have sidewalks, and that is a recipe for exclusion. I watched out my door and counted 50 trick or treaters, and not one came to my house. So I told Bob to grab Jerry's leash, and we'd go T&Ting too.

Jerry did great. We went around the block, and it is a long block. We stopped at every house and had jerry in a sit stay. Jerry was a perfect angel and really enjoyed watching all the kids running around in ghost and goblin and witch and devil form. He would rest, but was raring to go. He had a great night. His tail wagged the whole time.

Thomas got more candy than ever. He split it into two piles: That which he would eat and the other pile was for dad. It was about a 50/50 split. My child will not eat Nestle Crunch, KitKats or most suckers. He will take a very long time to devour the consumable stash, although he's been picking away at it.

Halloween was fun. It lifted my spirits to be out and about and get fresh air.

This year we made three pumpkins. I did a very generic haunted house, the first time I've used a pattern wihtout Bob's help. What a PITA that was! It took forever. Thoams and I watched spooky haunted house shows while we carved pumpkins. I kept asking him if it would scare him and he assured me that it would not.

Later that evening, Bob fell asleep on the couch and guess who requested to sleep with him. I asked him why and he sheepishly informed me that the shows did scare him a little. So nice to know I'm still a safety net.

We're still looking forward to our new puppy. We're wondering if Jerry Lee might be around when she comes. Stranger things could happen. He's doing very well, but if he tunrs, I'm sure it will go fast. We take things one day at a time with him and enjoy him to pieces.

We're thinking of puppy names. We've made lists and lists. We've added on, scratched out, inked in many more. We've searched every pet naming site online, plus baby nameing online sites. Some of our favorites are:

Sadie, Sasha, Licorish, Misty, Missy, Cassie, Inky, Patsy, and Black Beauty, BB for short.

That list changes on a daily basis, but those names always remain.

We have not heard back from our breeder for awhile. We have asked a few questions, specifically when we can come visit and she hasn't gottne back to us. Oh well. Pups are two weeks old now, so they're at that "finally getting cute" stage. Newborn puppies are beautiful, but definitely not cute yet.

School today was pajama school! I love those days when we do that, but dread the doorbell ringing. We got a lot done today, even though we were slow and relaxed. Thomas finished reading The Call of the Wild. It is now his favorite book of all time. Of course after he finishes reading every book, it becomes his favorite book of all time. Next book on the agenda is Anne Frank.

I broke my rule and we watched the movie before he had read the book. Thanks to our library for that. I should own that book myself, though, so it's my fault. I'm thinking of buying a copy and donating it to our library. Will talk to the librarian about that in the future.

I got a comment on my blog entry about my library not having Anne Frank that I wish to share.

Anonymous said...
Hi
My name is Lucy, I'm the Head of Education at the Anne Frank Trust in the UK. Your blog showed up on my Google alert. (Big Brother's watching!!!)

I am appalled at the lack of the Diary in your library - I'd send you one to put in there is it didn't cost twice as mush as a the book itself to get it there!

I see you're homeschooling. I thought I'd mention an online tool which has just launched its American arm you might like to use with the children:

http://www.annefrankguide.net/en-US/default.asp?resetculture=1

You don't need a library for that!

Good luck.

Lucy

4:50 AM


Anonymous said...
Apologies for the typos in my previous post - they don't do my reputation much good!

- Lucy

4:52 AM

I checked out the website, and it looks good. Will spend more time there next week. Thank you for sharing. As I said, I am thinking of donating a copy. No library should be without Anne Frank.

I'm looking forward to the changing of the clocks this weekend. With all this extra sun, trick or treating in the sunlight was just weird.

Wally World

We hit our two grocery stores tonight and not a pumpkin was to be found. The three of us then set out for our brand-spanking-new Walmart. Okay, it's two months old, but it's there...thankfully.

Bob found a nice pumpkin and put it in the cart. I told him we needed at least two. Bob was very agitated. I am not staying up until all hours tonight carving pumpkins. There will be no time to do this tomorrow.

Me: Why?

Bob: Because of school.

Me: Ever hear of art? Go with the flow, bud.

Bob: Oh.

Me: Let's get three, one for each of us.

And so we did.

Thomas and I have this homeschool thing down, but Bob forgets.

So tomorrow, after math and language arts, we'll be doing art. Most likely for the rest of the day.

Candy

Did anyone else buy all their Halloween candy early and then eat it all?

We're off to the store tonight to buy more. We're hoping they have a pumpkin left because we didn't get that ahead of time. Our priorities were all messed up.

We're winners

Last week I got a letter in the mail from my City. I had no idea what it could be. I had completely forgotten that we had gone to the city hall open house the week prior. Bob and I each got a free CF Light bulb equivalent to a 100 watt bulb. Fantastic! They're expensive and we have been slowly making the switch to all CF's in our house.

I opened my letter and...I'm a winner. I won a conservation kit. I took my letter to city hall to pick up my prize. I got three more CF light bulbs, 20 switch plate insulators, a refrigerator thermometer, a nightlight that only costs 26 cents a year to run (and it is completely worthless), an attachment for my heater filter that will whistle when it's time to change the filter -- I'm forgetting something. There were a couple more doohickeys in there, but I forget what they are now.

When I said thank you, the nice lady at city hall said, "Here, have another free light bulb." So I actually came home with four.

How cool is that!

On Saturday, Bob took Thomas to Kmart for their in-store Halloween celebration. They both told me it was very lame. Thomas brought home about six candy bars, a few stickers and a bag. Oh, and they bought all our Halloween candy while they were there. Thomas signed up for a free drawing for a Kmart cash card while there.

I got the strangest phone call last night. A teen-aged boy said, "Is Tom there? I'm thinking -- who the heck is Tom? OH. Okay, who the heck are you? I told him yes and what was this regarding. Luckily he told me. Tom has won a Kmart gift card from the Halloween thing we had. I don't know anything about it, they gave me his number to call him, and all I know is they don't have the gift cards here right now."

lol...So who knows if Thomas will actually receive the card. I asked how much the card was for and, of course, he didn't know. We think it's either five or ten dollars. Still cool for a 12-year-old.

So we're winners.

We need a few positives around here right now.

Unreal -- A rant!

We went to the library tonight to get Anne Frank. We picked up about six other books on the topic, but not Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl.

Why?

Our library does not have Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl.

I cannot believe this! I lectured the poor librarian. I said every library in America should have this book on their shelves. This is unbelievable.

She was very polite and offered to submit an ILL request. I took her up on her offer.

Our main librarian just gave notice and will be leaving the end of the month. He came on board about four years ago. First thing he did was pull about a quarter of the books from the shelves and sell them. I stocked up big time at that sale. The library shelves are bare. Then he pulled many shelves out, including the music shelves and replaced them with cheap fiber-board crap. He then put in several couches. All over the library.

He was really into aesthetics and creating a social scene. He put in a fake fireplace, too.

Bob and I jumped for joy when we heard he put in notice. I hope we get a librarian that actually likes BOOKS.

Oh, did I mention how supportive he is of homeschoolers? Every spring he has a homeschool day where he drives up to the capital and takes the homeschoolers to meet our lawmakers. The only problem is he only tells one family. The same family has gone in the library van up there with him every year. No one but that family. The mom recently told me about this and wondered why more homeschoolers didn't go. Uh, well, maybe if he would actually tell the homeschoolers about it, more would participate.

Bottom line: It is unbelievable that my library does not have Anne Frank's diary. Good grief!

Rant over.

Questions, Questions, Questions

Today we started school late. I overslept. Thomas will oversleep every day if I let him. I made my coffee, got him breakfast, and we both tried to wake up.

Thomas decided to work on his nonfiction reading book first. He loves this and will be finishing it very soon. He really learns a lot of things from this book. The other day he read about Koko the kitten-loving, signing gorilla. When he finished, we had to pause in our routine to google Koko. And let me just say, that was an experience. We first went to YouTube to search for videos. We clicked on one and realized it was a spoof. I shut it off because there was a woman talking to the fake gorilla and repeating what it was telling her in sign language. It was about nipples.

We then Googled, and found that there was a lawsuit filed by two former employees who stated that Penny Patterson, the president of the foundation that owns Koko, had requested that the women bare their breasts to Koko because Koko has a fascination with nipples. The suit was settled, but terms were not disclosed.

We then saw a photo of some man who modified a special transportation vehicle for Koko. Koko had her hand down the man's shirt, apparently fondling his nipples.

Okay, so you don't get that kind of education in public school.

Gross.

Kind of took deflated our tires a bit. We were just hoping to see photos or clips of Koko with his live kittens.

So today Thomas is reading about Anne Frank. We don't have her book, but I do have some books on Anne Frank. Thomas and I spent some time last year at the official website, and he has looked at my Europe photo albums with tons of pictures and postcards from the Anne Frank Haus.

And then he started. He does this on occasion. It drives me nuts. A million questions. Rapid fire. I answer, boom, there's another. Question after question after question. And he doesn't ask easy questions, either. "Mom, I heard that Hitler's mother was Jewish. Is that true?" I don't know, I've heard that, but never confirmed it. Go look it up. "Mom, why did people join up with Hitler?" We discussed that in a lot of detail.

I don't know the answers to some of his questions! I don't know good answers. I think I know the answers, but I really started doubting myself.

Then he started asking questions about concentration camps. Then back to Hitler. Then about the country of Holland. Then about Anne Frank. Then about Germany. "Is Germany a good country today?"

"Why did the people not think for themselves and allow this to happen? Why did they not stand up and protest?" "What mental illness did Hitler have?"

This went on for an hour. He just doesn't stop. Curiosity.

It drives me crazy! I made him laugh because toward the end, I started banging my head on the table. He thought that was funny.

When he was done with his "session", I was worried about our schedule and all the things we were supposed to learn this morning. Then I voiced that concern. Then I started laughing and told him to heck with the schedule, aren't you glad you are in an environment that you are allowed to ask questions? To think for yourself? To form your own opinions?

So to heck with our scheduled history this week and next, we're going off on a tangent. It's off to the library tonight to get Anne Frank for him to read, and for me to search for age-appropriate books on the topic.

At his age, I was ahead of him in school by one year. When I was in the seventh grade, the made-for-TV movie Holocaust aired. (That's when I fell in love with Meryl Streep.) We watched it all. I was fascinated with the topic. Sickened, but fascinated. I think my fascination made me a more compassionate person.

I think it's hard to imagine such sickening cruelty and madness when you live in a fairly safe world.

A funny

This was sent to me by a friend. I thought it was funny. Add this to another reason homeschooling is good!

One of the ladies I work with retired last week. We had a going away
party for her. I ordered the cake over the phone from a nearby superstore. I told
them to write:

"Best Wishes, Suzanne"

and underneath that,

"We will miss you."

Here's what was picked up for the party. Everybody should laugh so
hard on their last day at work!

Oh Dear

Last night Jerry Lee was very clingy. He kept resting his head on my knee. He followed me everywhere, which isn't unusual, but when I got where I was going, he had to have physical contact. That is unusual.

I suspected something might be up.

This morning he threw up. Oh dear.

The doctor had requested I cut his Prednisone in half. I think I'll go back to the original dosage.

However, I just have a sinking feeling the end is near.

Bob's hoping it's just an isolated incident. Me too.

Yesterday Thomas was discussing Jerry Lee and hopeful he'd live to see the puppy. I explained that if he wasn't hurting and he was comfortable that was a possibility, but in reality, it probably wouldn't happen.

Gees, this just stinks.

Regarding the new puppy, the breeder asked us for names that begin with P. We sent her a list of our choices. Patsy was my first choice, as my dad's first German Shepherd was named Patsy.

We had decided on a name for a male: Charlie, after my dad. My dad got a kick out of that. However, we're on the list for a female so that probably won't happen. I'm hoping the breeder will choose Patsy. If not, that's fine, too, because we wouldn't call her by her AKC name. Sadie is topping our list. This week.

A very good friend sent me an email. She said it doesn't matter what my choice is for coloring, because the dog we get is choosing us. Meaning, in her new-age style, that we will get the dog that needs to be with us. Her exact wording was, "Me thinks the dog has chosen you." I get that. It made me feel a little better, a little more accepting of an all-black German Shepherd.

I just wish that Jerry weren't sick, though. This watching him die business is SO hard. We got that diagnosis October 1, yet he was sick a few weeks before that. He has lived longer than the vet thought he would.

Sigh....back to school now.

Duh

I have been feeling bad about school this year. It just doesn't have the zip, the pow, the fun, the wow.

Well, duh. Started out okay, but then Jerry got sick. He's been sick since about the middle of September. He's still doing well considering. We watch him on a constant basis. Bob and I have discussed when to take him in, and we have our criteria down. Jerry Lee is still happy, eating well, enjoying an occasional short walk. He's not there yet.

No wonder I haven't been feeling it. There's that. There's also the fact that I never got off my big, fat you-know-what to get the school room really cleaned and really organized. We've missed watching birds at the feeder out the window.

Thomas and I cleaned the school room today. It's still not in the condition I want it, but much better. I don't know if we'll school in there tomorrow or not. At least I can vacuum the floor. (What homeschooler doesn't have piles and piles of books covering their floors?)

Things are getting messed up with our new puppy. We originally wanted one litter, then decided that Thomas might like to do agility, so talked to the breeder. She recommended a different litter. We said, "Okay, we'd like a female from that litter."

Well, lo and behold, the litter was born on Bob's birthday--that's a sign, right? But here's the thing. All the girls available are going to be solid black.

Might not be an issue to some, but -- but -- but -- it is to me. I am a person who loves color. I like lots of it. Jerry Lee has many colors in his coat: red, white, black, brown, tan, and lots of in between. I like that in a German Shepherd. Bob convinced me to go with a darker GS -- a smoky sable. It grew on me. I told him that there were two dogs that I didn't want: solid white or solid black.

I'm awful, I admit it. I just don't care for solid-colored German Shepherds. And I don't want one. Period. I love them for other people, I admire their beautiful shiny coats -- but I want a sable. (Sables can be light or dark, but they have lots of different colors.)

That's life here.

Tomorrow we start school after taking Wed, Thurs and Friday of last week off. Monday morning is going to come fast and furious.

But DUH -- I'm cutting myself some slack for our extremely unfun school year. Hopefully tomorrow we can put some zing into it.

The Senator from I d a h o

I watched the senator from i d a h o last night on dateline.

I don't believe him. I do not care for him.

This video may not be appropriate for children, but I got a kick out of it. Thomas watched it and we discussed it. He didn't know who the Village People were.

Don't care to get into the entrampment issue, but I do think he's a liar.

Well, Well, Well

Another dog post. Skip on by if you're bored to tears.

All week, with Jerry at our feet, we've been researching dogs, breeders, shelters, etc. Do we get another dog? Do we wait? Maybe we could wait and get one in spring, giving us one winter free of freezing our tails off walking a dog and taking it outside. Do we get a shelter dog? Do we get a purebred? What do we do?

Jerry's still doing fairly well. Right now he's begging me for some food. We go to the vet again on Monday to get his prescriptions refilled because he's not hurting, he's happy, he has a healthy appetite, everything is working right. Looking for or even thinking about a new dog with Jerry still here is horrible. We are guilt ridden! I'll look online a bit, look down at old faithful, then apologize to him. He doesn't know what we're doing, but it just seems so wrong.

Then again, maybe not. We've never not had a dog. We've spent the week scouring our dog books for breed, looking online at petfinder and rescue organizations, and breeders.

Today we called breeders. Bob talked to one for over an hour and handed the phone to me and I talked to her for a long time. It just felt right. We are going to sleep on it, but I think tomorrow we are going to call her and put down a deposit. She's about three hours from us, so we will try to go to visit soon.

We debated back on forth on breeds. For some reason we like herding dogs. We like big dogs! We're NOT a small dog family. ***So to someone in particular who may read this blog that I know (and love) in real life who has a poodle who was just bred, PLEASE do NOT send us a puppy. We love your dog, we know her pups would be precious, but we don't want a poodle.***

We narrowed our choice down to a Border Collie, an Old English Sheepdog or a German Shepherd. I really wanted an OES. Really bad. But Bob and Thomas did not. That's okay. Someday I'll have one. We are going to get a purebred German Shepherd. Big surprise? That was my second choice and Bob and Thomas' first choice.

If this works out, we'll be getting a bitch. (ha ha, I got to say that word on my blog and it's not swearing, and still G-rated.) Grow up, Frankie. She will arrive in December. Bad month for a new puppy. Everything you read says don't get a dog near Christmas. However, it's just the three of us and we will puppy proof. I think it will be good timing in our case.

That gives me time to puppy proof the house. I look around and think how spoiled I am. I don't have a toddler and I don't have a baby puppy. Jerry doesn't get into anything except Kleenex. Nothing is baby proof here anymore, so I will have my work cut out for me. (Why did I sell that baby gate at the garage sale?)

Then we'll have to research. I've never had an 8-week-old puppy. I've had older puppies. Oy! (Minnesota slang thrown in for emphasis, I don't really say that.) My blogging friend Elisheva from Ragamuffin Studdies just recommended Cesar Millan's book Cesar's Way. I think I will buy it. We love to watch his TV show. I have a whole host of dog books that I got out tonight, stacked on the table and told Thomas to start reading. He decided to go to youtube instead and watch videos on clicker training. lol (By the way, there are some excellent clicker training videos there. Thomas was amazed at what he watched.)

We will make this into a homeschooling project, just as Elisheva has.

The past couple of weeks I have cried myself to sleep almost every night. Bob has dozed off on the couch every night (I'm sure for my benefit) and Jerry and I have snuggled in bed. I'm coming to terms with it, but I don't like it. My mom once told me that death was a part of life. And she died shortly after she said that, too. She was right, though. We have loved Jerry and given him a good life. We will be picking up a tranquilizer from the vet on Monday so that he will have a peaceful death.

But now we have something to look forward to. Hope. ? Is getting a new puppy hope? I guess not, but it is something to lift our spirits. It's something to look forward to. It is something that we can share our love with.

One final comment. It was a tough decision to choose a purebred over a rescue dog. Please don't give us grief over that. We have adopted three cats from shelters. Two have already passed, and one is 13 and still with us. We have adopted dogs from the shelter. We have adopted one stray dog and one stray cat. We have gone above and beyond with rescuing dogs and cats. We donate to our shelter when we can. I'll be donating several cans of the expensive special liver food that Jerry won't touch to our local shelter. I have been a foster mom for cats before. To be honest, that didn't work out because I ended up adopting those that I fostered. I don't feel guilty over choosing one purebred dog.

And one other thing. The puppy we get will already be named. The breeder we have chosen does that; however, she said we could choose a nickname. he he So we need to come up with a girl name. Any ideas?

That Great T-Shirt

I bought the t-shirt from Great Homeschool T-shirts. They're fairly cheap, and if memory serves me, they go on sale for five bucks at the beginning of the traditional school year every year.

I also bought a tote bag from them which we have used and used.

Thomas had a birthday

He's now 12. His request was for a double-layer cake. After I had baked the cake, he decided HE wanted to decorate -- and make two cakes instead of layered. Okay. (Mom felt a little torn because I really like making his birthday cakes every year. Oh well. It did turn out cute! THEY did turn out cute.)

Can you guess what he's into now by the theme of the cakes? Bob gave him permission to watch the show. Ahem. I've been watching with him and honestly, aside from the language and the sexual content, I actually like South Park. OMG, did I just admit that? There have only been a few episodes that I flew into a tirade over. I ranted and raved that is SICK and real people aren't like that. Thomas just looks at me in a funny way and informs me it's all a joke, mooooom, and of course people aren't really like that. Whew.

Cha-Ching

(Thomas' back-to-school picture above calendar! He's growing up too fast.)

See Frankie's Credit Card. See it smoke. Tons of vet bills and a calendar, too.

Awhile ago I was visiting a new-to-me blog, Bonni's. It's one I'll read daily. =) She had a photo of her calendar on her blog. I fell in love with it the second I saw it!

I'm not one to make spur-of-the-moment purchases on anything unless it's vet related or books or crafts for Thomas, but I just simply HAD to have this calendar.

I ordered it. On the spot. Didn't ask Bob. (He would have just said NO and hell no anyway.) It arrived only a couple days later in a great big box which Thomas took off with.

I have never loved a calendar more! I haven't used the stickers yet, but it's big, it's got cute critters on it, and it's perfect! It's so Frankie.

Thank you to Bonni for sharing her photos. May I blame you for smoking my credit card? lol

I just snapped this pix of Thomas and Jerry Lee tonight. Jerry is a trooper and hanging in there.

Back in the Saddle Again

Monday I was so emotionally drained I did nothing. NOTHING. It was wonderful. I turned my brain off and went into a vegetative state. Bliss. I did make Thomas clean his room, which took awhile. Once the bed was changed, Jerry Lee and I snuggled while Thomas worked. He enjoyed the company.

We decided that because Thomas' birthday had turned sour, we would take him to dinner. His request was Subway. To get to Subway, we had to drive by the scene. The owners were out in their driveway, talking to someone. No sign of the dog.

They never called us. We asked them to let us know how the dog was. I asked Bob if we should stop and he said no. And with that, I released myself from it all. I hope the dog is okay, but I just had to let it go.

Today we started school again. Thomas was very crabby and cranky. I assume it's all the stress of life in general right now. At one point I thought it was comical because he was acting like a drama king. He finally settled down and got into his routine.

Thomas is working his way through a geography workbook. We are currently studying Africa. Today he was working on rivers and we got stumped. The description of a river he had to find was that it bordered Zaire and another country. Zaire--yes, I have heard of it. No, I couldn't find it on our map. Thomas couldn't. Grabbed a different atlas and still couldn't find it. Google to the rescue. I don't know much about geography, especially Africa. Wasn't I surprised to find that Zaire is actually The Democratic Republic of the Congo. Then we had to read more about the country formerly known as Zaire.

The daytime hours ended with ceramics class. The teacher pulled me aside and wanted me to know that Thomas was very creative, an out-of-the-box thinker and very polite in class. I smiled, said thanks, and that I was very proud of him. Three things that I try to foster!

Jerry Lee is doing well, all things considered. He's getting skinnier, but he is still not exhibiting any pain. He still has pep in his step, surprisingly. I think it's getting closer, as he's getting bony. Last night I opened his can of Alpo (a treat I rarely gave him before he was sick, now a daily occurrence) and darned it all if Snowball didn't pounce on the food. The two shared the bowl for awhile, then Jerry stood back and gave me a look. If he could have spoken, I know he would have said, "But mom, I thought this was just for me!" I scooped the cat up and Jerry continued to eat, licking the bowl clean. Who knew cats would love Alpo.

That's our life today: the good, the bad and the ugly. The happy and the sad, too, I guess.

Can things get any worse??!!!???

Today is my baby's 12th birthday. We celebrated by doing everything he wanted (within reason, that is.)

We were coming home from the park to check on Jerry and then were going to go to a movie. I'm driving on a busy residential street and this dog comes tearing out of its driveway straight into the road.

I slammed on the breaks, but THUD.

I hit the dog. The car behind us nearly hit us. Bob jumped out of the car, I could hear the yelps of the dog. I started shaking. I had to flap my arms like crazy to get hte car behind me to back up so I could back up. I saw Bob carrying this dog to the owner's house and it was limp. I thought it was dead.

I parked the car, checked on Thomas who was bawling, and jumped out of the car. The dog was lying there twitching as if it was having a seizure. Then it stopped moving. I turned around and started bawling. I knew I had to face it, so I went up to the dog.

All of a sudden he jumped up and started running in circles. Bob grabbed him so he wouldn't dart into the street again.

The owner saw it happen. I apologized profusely. I told her I was so sorry, but it just darted into the street. She went into the house so she could find a vet's office that was open. Her husband came and and we all sat around the dog.

He had blood in his eyes, and a pea-sized patch of hair missing from its head. His leg at first appeared to be injured. He calmed down and was walking around. I told the man that I was so sorry, between my sobs, and that the dog just darted out of the driveway. Actually, it sprinted.

Then their daughter showed up. She was about five. She was bawling. She said their other dog had just died and that they just got this dog. Oh my God. Between the little girl and myself, we had enough tears to fill a lake.

I think this was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my life.

Bob gave them his business card and wrote our home phone number on the back and asked them to call when they got back from the vet. (They found one open about an hour from here.)

As we were leaving, the woman came up to me and put her arms around me. She hugged me SO tight. I was still shaking and crying and she said, "You are forgiven." She then said, "This is how good friends are made."

Sigh.

We then went to the movie and I cried all the way through. The Seeker wasn't a tear jerker. I'm glad the theater wasn't too crowded.

When we came home, I apologized to Thomas for ruining his birthday. He said something about accidents happen and it wasn't my fault.

He's right, it really wasn't my fault...it just was.

thoughts on our life right now

skip on by if you don't want to read about my dog, my tears, Thomas's tears, etc.


I didn't feel like blogging at all, but my mind is just racing.

Nights are the worst. Jerry and I always enjoyed the last potty of the night. We sit outside, staring at the stars for a long time. He'll do his business, check out what he needs to check out, then sit at my feet. Last night and tonight, he sat by my side and leaned his head on my lap. Of course I bawled.

Today Jerry couldn't get on my bed. We listen to a book on tape every afternoon, the three of us (or four or five, depending on the cats' moods) and poor Jerry Lee couldn't get on the bed. I got a step stool and showed him how to use it, but he wouldn't. So he laid on the floor, Thomas listened to a book on mythology, and I cried, dripping tears onto my dog. I laid on the side of the bed with my arm flopping over the side petting him. He was able to get into Thomas' bed as it's much lower to the ground. I may sneak into bed with T tonight and bring Jerry with me.

I'm stuck with all I'm going to miss about him. He's so gentle and quiet. I laugh every time we go outside and the neighbor's poodle from hell is out there yapping incessantly. Jerry will turn his head to look at her, but then look away and completely ignore her. I always say under my breath, "Good boy, Jerry."

When I come home, Jerry butts the window blinds out his way and his face is the first thing I see as I drive up into the garage.

Jerry always follows me every where I go. Right now he's at my feet. I most love the fact he'll get in my bed and lay long back to back with me. You know, like a husband would do if the big German Shepherd weren't in the way? lol

I love the way he plays with Thomas, and with the neighborhood kids. Very gentle.

I don't love, but will miss the way he humps our male cat every single day. That is always good for a NO NO, Jerry and then a laugh about our cross-gender gay dog.

I won't miss his killer farts--oh man, they're bad, clean a room in 15 seconds flat, that dog can. (Dad and I were discussing the fact that Jerry always had that horrendous gas all his life, no matter what food he was eating. Dad thinks this cancer has been effecting him for a very long time. I don't know if I'll ask the vet about that or not, because our next vet visit will not be a talkative one.

I won't miss the way he always fanned me. When he gets excited about anything, he turns so his tail is facing me and wags it fast and furious. He usually does this in the winter when it's cold. It would drive me nuts! Who will fan me now?

I will miss that he never once had an accident in this house. He did throw up the past few weeks, but always tried to make it outside.

I will miss his warm, deep eyes. I used to think we were looking into each other's souls.

My husband's church teaches that dogs do not go to heaven. We don't go to church now, but we have discussed that in the past with Thomas. Suddenly Thomas is upset about that. We have assured him that heaven is what you want it to be, and by golly, pets ARE in heaven.

I will miss vacuuming my floors all the time. All that hair. Everywhere. I should have knitted a sweater with it.

I will miss Jerry. I called him DAWG quite often. Come on, dawg.

This afternoon I was thinking it would have been easier to have him put to sleep the day we went to the good vet. This is VERY painful watching him die. I mean we're loving him, nurturing him, crying, laughing, crying some more. We're feeding him Alpo, people food. bite-sized peanut butter sandwiches with pills hidden within. Tonight he had an ice cream snack. I even bought the $4 bags of Beggin' Strips -- two of 'em.

My heart just aches. I want to scream it aches so bad.

Thomas's heart aches. I want to scream because my baby is hurting so.

Thomas and I were very touched by Mama B. She blogged something special for Thomas. We both cried. Thank you, Mama B.

Tonight we were talking about her kind words and Thomas asked me something. He reminded me how I said no more dogs when Jerry first got sick and we didn't know anything. I said yes. He told me that he just had to have a dog in his life. He hated that Jerry was going, it isn't fair, mom! he proclaimed. But Jerry wouldn't want us to be sad, and all that love mama b was talking about needed to be given to someone else. So he's wanting a new dog when Jerry passes.

Then he said he felt awful talking about it with Jerry right here at my feet.

I'll have to think about it. I did tell my dad about that on the phone and he laughed and said you'll have a new dog very soon. I said maybe, but it won't be Jerry Lee.

Through all this black cloud, we still did school today. Thomas wanted to do it in the living room. We're not couch schoolers (except when I'm reading a book). We set up in the living room anyway. Jerry laid on the floor next to Thomas as he did his work. In the afternoon, we had geography left. Thomas threw a fit. Now normally he'll whine about something he doesn't want to do, but today I saw a side of Thomas I have never seen. He told me no, he wasn't doing geography, he just wants to sit next to Jerry. I said we ARE doing geography now come over here and we'll get started. NO, mom. I told him he was being disrespectful. He sat by me.

We talked about how when we hurt, we have to maintain a little control. We can't be mean to others, life goes on, we have to get our work done. We still hurt, but that's our job. He apologized and then went to Africa.

Sunday is Thomas's birthday. I only have half of his present purchased and I have no plans on what we're going to do. We originally had planned on going to Sioux Falls for the weekend, but that just cannot happen now. Thomas wants a South Park cake. Don't ask, I'm not ready to explain why he knows about South Park--he dad needs to explain that one. I normally love planning special surprises and happy treats, a nice cake, etc. This year the joy is drained.

I just hope and pray that Jerry doesn't die on Thomas's birthday.

And I hope and pray that Jerry passes here at home rather than at the vet's office. Why? Because he was so traumatized at the vet's office that they had to give him a tranquilizer. He has never liked going to the vet. Ever. They usually muzzle him. And believe me, Jerry is a gentle giant. It is such odd behavior. The second he's off the table, he's happy and wagging his tail again. So if he were to pass at home in his sleep, that wold be much more peaceful--for him.

Ramble, ramble, ramble.

That's how my brain has been the past few days.

I'm kind of going on fumes.

today was not the day to say good-bye

But it will be, soon.

Jerry Lee went to a new vet today. She was wonderful, but had sad news.

Jerry Lee has liver cancer.

The vet gave him tons of shots and sent us home with lots of medications. She said he'll be comfortable and not in pain while on the meds and that we will know when to bring him in.

I cried off and on during the day, but when we went outside to go potty awhile ago, I lost it. I sobbed uncontrollably. Jerry came and sat by my feet. We sat for about a half hour until I was calm again.

This may not be eloquently worded, but...this just sucks.

I love this dog so much.

History

Since we started school this year, we have listened to our Story of the World CDs again. This time, instead of a chapter at a time, we listened to an entire CD on a daily basis. We missed a few days here and there, but Friday we finished volume 2.

Instead of going on to volume 3, I asked Thomas what has favorite thing about SOTW. The Romans! I asked him why and he talked nonstop for five minutes. Wow, he was listening and comprehending. I asked if he'd like to study the Romans further and he said YES.

Yesterday we went to the library and checked out six books on the Romans. I love our library, but honestly, I'd rather buy books and have them on our shelf. Why? Because all the "good" books were checked out. The library is a wonderful resource if some other homeschooler (or parent or kid) isn't studying the same subject we are. So I took what was left that looked meaty and good. I also checked out the movies Spartacus and Gladiator.

Last night we watched Spartacus.



We all really enjoyed the movie. Thomas got a little bored in the end, probably because it was so long. We stopped, took a break, then watched the ending. Bob thought I'd cry, but I didn't.

When it was over, Thomas scurried about, using up some stored energy. Bob and I discussed the bath scene, which we both thought was steamy for its time. We then discussed Roman and Greek sexuality. Finally, we googled. That was interesting, informative, and thought provoking for me.

Later in the evening, Thomas brought up the fact that he didn't like the Romans anymore because they were mean because they owned slaves. Oh, gosh, did that bring up a long family discussion. LONG.

In the end, we got him to agree to continue studying the Romans. He has to realize that there's both good and bad to history. Slavery is a sad part of history. While he knows about slavery in our own country, we have never studied it in great depth. I can only imagine the emotional response he'll have when we study it in a little more depth.

As for Spartacus, I'm ready to see Goran Visnjic's version. He's steamy and dreamy to me!