If this weren't a G-rated blog, I'd be swearing up a storm today. I'm in a very bad mood.
Why? Well, I have good news -- neurologically I'm fine, fit as a fiddle. My doctor says that he's not concerned about my weird eye thing, and to chalk it up to just that, weird. He was rather cute and said, "That's okay, I'm weird too."
BUT then he says to me that he would guess I snore, a lot, and loudly. Mm-hmm. He examined my throat and said I have soft palate issues. He said I had five red flags on my medical history to indicate I have sleep apnea. He is writing a letter to my doctor so that we can get a sleep study underway. He's certain I have it. And he thinks I have it bad.
&*(%^*^% Why does this anger me? Because I don't want to have to use one of those &@#$!ing machines. I have issues getting comfortable as it is. I sleep on my stomach. Always. I cannot sleep in any other position. You can't change 43 years' worth of stomach sleeping like that.
I also am sick to death of doctors, doctors' offices, and medical bills. So sick of them that I haven't gone back to my doctor for my ears and sinuses. I'd rather suffer than walk in another facility.
And damn it all, I don't want to sleep in front of people. My neighbor just had a sleep study done and he was watched while he slept. I cannot do that. Period. I would never sleep. I mean I might fart, scratch something inappropriate or drool. The invasion of privacy is enough to set me off. My anxiety is high already.
The thought of actually feeling good and rested every day? Well, that sounds wonderful. I'm tired of being sick and tired, but I don't want to wear something on my head every night. I don't want to be tested. I'm just going to be in a pissy mood over this.
I know, I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm kicking and screaming at the moment. And I've said every dirty word I know many times today. And that's a lot of words. Well, at least in my mind. Well, I said a few out loud when Thomas was outside. And I said a few when he was in my presence.
Shit. There, I said it. I'm human.
Tantrum over. Will call Monday morning first thing and make yet another flipping doctor appointment.
Okay, tantrum really over -- for the moment.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
2 am Whining Again
It's 2 am and I'm awake. Wide awake.
I woke up this morning feeling very ill -- extremely toxic is how I felt. I just felt as if my system was full of bad things. I won't get into descriptive detail, but I was sick the whole day. Today, the couch was my friend.
Didn't get the kitchen done.
Didn't get anything done.
Tesla was sick and threw up in his crate this morning.
He had the runs tonight. Bob called the vet tonight and he told us to give him Kaopectate. Bob ran to the store and took care of the dog. All the while, I was on the couch. Sick.
Lying there tonight, I just kept thinking about my dad and how I miss him. I also kept thinking how this year has just sucked.
Friday I go to a neurologist appointment for this funky thing I have going on with my eye. If I lie down to watch TV, when I get up my vision is so blurred I can't see to read. I can't see numbers on the clock. It's just in one eye. It's been going on for years, and finally someone took me seriously when I mentioned it. I really don't feel like going to the appointment, though, because...
I'm sick of doctors. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of medical bills stacked high on my pile. I'm sick my ear infections. I'm sick of sinusitis. I'm sick of feeling like sh*t. I'm sick of my town. I'm sick of my house. I'm sick of my neighbors. I'm sick of my clothes. I'm just sick. UGH
whine, whine, whine
If I could just start to feel decent, life would be so much easier. I want to take Thomas swimming at the lake. I can't because of these stupid ear infections. Well, I could, but I hate lying around on a beach -- I'd rather be in the water. And in all honesty, I haven't had the strength to go to the beach. Or the grocery store. Or anywhere.
I still have to order my school books. I'm still undecided on what to do about English. This year needs to focus on writing, but we still need grammar work, too.
I'm sick of searching, I'm sick of decision making. I want a magic wand so I can wave the wand and fix everything.
I'm going to drink some more water and go back to bed.
I woke up this morning feeling very ill -- extremely toxic is how I felt. I just felt as if my system was full of bad things. I won't get into descriptive detail, but I was sick the whole day. Today, the couch was my friend.
Didn't get the kitchen done.
Didn't get anything done.
Tesla was sick and threw up in his crate this morning.
He had the runs tonight. Bob called the vet tonight and he told us to give him Kaopectate. Bob ran to the store and took care of the dog. All the while, I was on the couch. Sick.
Lying there tonight, I just kept thinking about my dad and how I miss him. I also kept thinking how this year has just sucked.
Friday I go to a neurologist appointment for this funky thing I have going on with my eye. If I lie down to watch TV, when I get up my vision is so blurred I can't see to read. I can't see numbers on the clock. It's just in one eye. It's been going on for years, and finally someone took me seriously when I mentioned it. I really don't feel like going to the appointment, though, because...
I'm sick of doctors. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of medical bills stacked high on my pile. I'm sick my ear infections. I'm sick of sinusitis. I'm sick of feeling like sh*t. I'm sick of my town. I'm sick of my house. I'm sick of my neighbors. I'm sick of my clothes. I'm just sick. UGH
whine, whine, whine
If I could just start to feel decent, life would be so much easier. I want to take Thomas swimming at the lake. I can't because of these stupid ear infections. Well, I could, but I hate lying around on a beach -- I'd rather be in the water. And in all honesty, I haven't had the strength to go to the beach. Or the grocery store. Or anywhere.
I still have to order my school books. I'm still undecided on what to do about English. This year needs to focus on writing, but we still need grammar work, too.
I'm sick of searching, I'm sick of decision making. I want a magic wand so I can wave the wand and fix everything.
I'm going to drink some more water and go back to bed.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Monday
Today started with a very slow start. Last night I started having excruciating pain in my sinuses -- burning, so I had to take a Vicodin. Took the pain away and gave me a horrible case of insomnia. I was awake until 3:30. This morning I felt like I was hung over -- something I haven't felt in 20 years or so. Ugh. I got up, took care of the puppies, and went back to bed. I got up at noon. Thomas stayed in bed that whole time, the little booger. I really hate the feeling of being doped up, but the pain has been very bad at times. Hopefully I'm on the mend now and can do without.
I had planned on starting my day early, as I was going to deep clean the kitchen. Well, by the time we ate, showered, and got started, it was 2. Of course we couldn't eat here, we went out for a hamburger. And then I decided to try a Starbucks coffee half caf. lol I was full of excuses.
We got started on the kitchen. I have cleared out, deep cleaned and re-organized five cupboards. I've vacuumed the floors, picked up the kitchen, run two loads through the dishwasher and picked up the living room.
We decided that we needed to go out for dinner, as Bob would be home very late. Well, that turned out to be a two-hour affair. We hit Subway and Thomas ran into his very good friend who moved away last year. They were in town visiting. Sooo, the boys sat down at a table together and so did the moms. We visited for two hours.
Where did the day go?
Luckily no pain tonight, so I'm planning on some great sleep. I decided to not take the levaquin. After reading things on the internet, then talking again with the pharmacist this weekend, I think it's very risky. I have a history of tendinitis, which the doctor did not ask me about. I have had cortisone injections because it's been so bad. One of the nasty side effects from the Levaquin is tendon rupture. Too risky for me. I still have the ear infections and the sinusitis, but it's getting much better. So, knock on wood, I'll wing it without meds.
I should finish re-organizing the kitchen tomorrow. Thomas has been a great help, running little errands for me. I then need to wash walls, curtains and scrub and treat the floors. Never a dull moment.
Thomas's standardized test finally came in the mail today. It was only a week late. Or was it two weeks late? We'll have to start that later this week. Yuck.
After the kitchen is completed, I plan to do the living room and then school room. The school room is so bad -- everything is stacked on the floor, so I can barely walk. Yuck. The effects of this stressful year are really hitting me now. But by golly, I'm going to have a clean house soon!
I had planned on starting my day early, as I was going to deep clean the kitchen. Well, by the time we ate, showered, and got started, it was 2. Of course we couldn't eat here, we went out for a hamburger. And then I decided to try a Starbucks coffee half caf. lol I was full of excuses.
We got started on the kitchen. I have cleared out, deep cleaned and re-organized five cupboards. I've vacuumed the floors, picked up the kitchen, run two loads through the dishwasher and picked up the living room.
We decided that we needed to go out for dinner, as Bob would be home very late. Well, that turned out to be a two-hour affair. We hit Subway and Thomas ran into his very good friend who moved away last year. They were in town visiting. Sooo, the boys sat down at a table together and so did the moms. We visited for two hours.
Where did the day go?
Luckily no pain tonight, so I'm planning on some great sleep. I decided to not take the levaquin. After reading things on the internet, then talking again with the pharmacist this weekend, I think it's very risky. I have a history of tendinitis, which the doctor did not ask me about. I have had cortisone injections because it's been so bad. One of the nasty side effects from the Levaquin is tendon rupture. Too risky for me. I still have the ear infections and the sinusitis, but it's getting much better. So, knock on wood, I'll wing it without meds.
I should finish re-organizing the kitchen tomorrow. Thomas has been a great help, running little errands for me. I then need to wash walls, curtains and scrub and treat the floors. Never a dull moment.
Thomas's standardized test finally came in the mail today. It was only a week late. Or was it two weeks late? We'll have to start that later this week. Yuck.
After the kitchen is completed, I plan to do the living room and then school room. The school room is so bad -- everything is stacked on the floor, so I can barely walk. Yuck. The effects of this stressful year are really hitting me now. But by golly, I'm going to have a clean house soon!
Friday, July 11, 2008
Seventh Grade Reading List
After lots of searching to match T's interests and my desires, this is the foundation book list for the upcoming year. Some were on last year's list and we didn't get to them. Lots more varitey this year than in the past.
Catherine Called Birdy by Karen Cushman
The Face on the Milk Carton
Animal Farm
Swiss Family Robinson: Johann Wyss
Shiloh: Phyllis Reynold’s Naylor
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry: Mildred Taylor
The Incredible Journey: Sheila Burnford
Johnny Tremain: Esther Forbes
The Fox and the Hound
Julie of the Wolves: Jean Craighead George
Heidi: Johanna Spyri
Gentle Ben Walt Morey
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
David Copperfield: Charles Dickens
The Diary of Anne Frank
Little Britches
Flowers of Algernon
Summer of my German Soldier
A Wrinkle in Time
Anne of Green Gables
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Dragonwings
The Hobbit
The Cay
Phantom Tollbooth
Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad
Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes
White Fang
The Outsiders
Holes
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
A Day No Pigs Would Die
The Odyssey
Al Capone Does My Shirts
The Chocolate War
All Creatures Great and Small
Catherine Called Birdy by Karen Cushman
The Face on the Milk Carton
Animal Farm
Swiss Family Robinson: Johann Wyss
Shiloh: Phyllis Reynold’s Naylor
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry: Mildred Taylor
The Incredible Journey: Sheila Burnford
Johnny Tremain: Esther Forbes
The Fox and the Hound
Julie of the Wolves: Jean Craighead George
Heidi: Johanna Spyri
Gentle Ben Walt Morey
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
David Copperfield: Charles Dickens
The Diary of Anne Frank
Little Britches
Flowers of Algernon
Summer of my German Soldier
A Wrinkle in Time
Anne of Green Gables
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Dragonwings
The Hobbit
The Cay
Phantom Tollbooth
Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad
Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes
White Fang
The Outsiders
Holes
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
A Day No Pigs Would Die
The Odyssey
Al Capone Does My Shirts
The Chocolate War
All Creatures Great and Small
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Meg's Meme
Meg didn't tag me officially, but I thought I'd play.
Accent: None. I talk just like they do on the evening news.
Well, I do say "eh" a lot now that we've moved to Minnesota, doncha-know. (I don't really say doncha-know, though.)
Breakfast or no breakfast: Breakfast, but even though I'm overweight, I forget to eat.
Chore I don’t care for: Paying bills.
Dog or Cat: Two dogs, two cats. One cat is 14 years old and about ready -- the other is very sickly. When they're gone, there will be no more cats.
Essential Electronics: Computer. Can't live without -- well can't live happily without.
Favorite Cologne: Opium or Chloe for me, Polo for him. Polo makes me melt, but my husband refuses to wear it. His loss. ;-)
Gold or Silver: Gold.
Handbag I carry most often: This spring it's been a tacky vinyl mini-suitcase I bought in Colorado because my leather purse was too small. Now that I'm home for good, I'll switch back to my leather purse. I like to spend a lot of money on a good, neutral purse that will last a year or two. I'm about due for a new one.
Insomnia: Very frequently. Can we say Ambien?
Job Title: Domestic engineer. Homemaker, home educator, computer addict.
Kids: One great son.
Living Arrangements: Small three-bedroom, single family home in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. Shared with husband, son, two dogs, two cats and lots of dust bunnies.
Most Admirable Trait: My husband says loyalty.
Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: This is tough because I really was a good kid. Really. Perhaps it was the time I burned down the kitchen curtains when I was home alone. (Thankfully they were above the kitchen sink so I used the spray hose to out the fire. I was holding a candle to the window playing Laura Ingalls Wilder.) Or, perhaps it was the time I flooded our basement that had just been re-done with brand-new carpeting. I was watering the flowers, my friend came to play, I threw the hose down and left it on. It landed in the window well.
But really, I was a really good kid. Honest. Really.
Overnight hospital stays:
March 2008: Panic Attack--still paying that sucker off.
1995: C-section with Thomas
1993: fibroid removal, four nights of pure pain
1982: Tonsils
1970: Dislocated arm
June 27, 1965: My birth.
Phobias: Driving in a big city on interstates. Something happening to Thomas. Bridges. Medical "things" happening to loved ones.
Quote: sh*t. I say that way too often. Jesus, Mary and Joseph--I picked that phrase up from the judge I worked for.
Reason to smile: Thomas, Bob, Apollo and Tesla, kitties, being home. There's no place like home.
Siblings: Oh, this is a good one. I have one brother and two sisters. In November, when my father's estate is settled, I will only have one sister. I will probably never blog about that, but my brother is a horse's hind end and my sister is out of her mind. He wants nothing to do with me and hasn't for years, which is fine. She is just downright scary with the things she's done to me over the years. So life is short, and I'll be free.
Gee, I feel nasty, but if you knew the circumstances, it would be clear I'm not. I'll still pray for them. (Yes, I do pray, even though I don't care what other people do.)
Time I wake up: Whenever. I usually sleep eight hours. 7:30 or 8 usually.
Unusual Talent or Skill: My husband says organization. If you could see my house at the moment, you'd laugh. I'm skilled at being me, how's that.
On second thought, organization is a skill. In groups and organizations, I'm the one that puts things together because I do it well.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Broccoli. Anything cruciferous.
Worst Habit: Smoking.
X-rays: Had a chest X-ray a week ago. I have had a few in my time, can't remember them all.
Yummy Stuff: chocolate, pasta, milk -- nothing good for me. Vicodin -- ha.
Zoo Animal I Like Most: Monkey. I wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. I didn't get it. Second would be penguins. I love to watch penguins.
Tag: I am going to tag a few people.
Doc, because I'd like to know if she has a phobia (except to idiots), what veggies she doesn't like, and her naughtiest childhood behavior.
Audrey, if she has time to play
Summer Fae
And anyone else who wants to play.
Accent: None. I talk just like they do on the evening news.
Well, I do say "eh" a lot now that we've moved to Minnesota, doncha-know. (I don't really say doncha-know, though.)
Breakfast or no breakfast: Breakfast, but even though I'm overweight, I forget to eat.
Chore I don’t care for: Paying bills.
Dog or Cat: Two dogs, two cats. One cat is 14 years old and about ready -- the other is very sickly. When they're gone, there will be no more cats.
Essential Electronics: Computer. Can't live without -- well can't live happily without.
Favorite Cologne: Opium or Chloe for me, Polo for him. Polo makes me melt, but my husband refuses to wear it. His loss. ;-)
Gold or Silver: Gold.
Handbag I carry most often: This spring it's been a tacky vinyl mini-suitcase I bought in Colorado because my leather purse was too small. Now that I'm home for good, I'll switch back to my leather purse. I like to spend a lot of money on a good, neutral purse that will last a year or two. I'm about due for a new one.
Insomnia: Very frequently. Can we say Ambien?
Job Title: Domestic engineer. Homemaker, home educator, computer addict.
Kids: One great son.
Living Arrangements: Small three-bedroom, single family home in the middle of nowhere Minnesota. Shared with husband, son, two dogs, two cats and lots of dust bunnies.
Most Admirable Trait: My husband says loyalty.
Naughtiest Childhood Behavior: This is tough because I really was a good kid. Really. Perhaps it was the time I burned down the kitchen curtains when I was home alone. (Thankfully they were above the kitchen sink so I used the spray hose to out the fire. I was holding a candle to the window playing Laura Ingalls Wilder.) Or, perhaps it was the time I flooded our basement that had just been re-done with brand-new carpeting. I was watering the flowers, my friend came to play, I threw the hose down and left it on. It landed in the window well.
But really, I was a really good kid. Honest. Really.
Overnight hospital stays:
March 2008: Panic Attack--still paying that sucker off.
1995: C-section with Thomas
1993: fibroid removal, four nights of pure pain
1982: Tonsils
1970: Dislocated arm
June 27, 1965: My birth.
Phobias: Driving in a big city on interstates. Something happening to Thomas. Bridges. Medical "things" happening to loved ones.
Quote: sh*t. I say that way too often. Jesus, Mary and Joseph--I picked that phrase up from the judge I worked for.
Reason to smile: Thomas, Bob, Apollo and Tesla, kitties, being home. There's no place like home.
Siblings: Oh, this is a good one. I have one brother and two sisters. In November, when my father's estate is settled, I will only have one sister. I will probably never blog about that, but my brother is a horse's hind end and my sister is out of her mind. He wants nothing to do with me and hasn't for years, which is fine. She is just downright scary with the things she's done to me over the years. So life is short, and I'll be free.
Gee, I feel nasty, but if you knew the circumstances, it would be clear I'm not. I'll still pray for them. (Yes, I do pray, even though I don't care what other people do.)
Time I wake up: Whenever. I usually sleep eight hours. 7:30 or 8 usually.
Unusual Talent or Skill: My husband says organization. If you could see my house at the moment, you'd laugh. I'm skilled at being me, how's that.
On second thought, organization is a skill. In groups and organizations, I'm the one that puts things together because I do it well.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Broccoli. Anything cruciferous.
Worst Habit: Smoking.
X-rays: Had a chest X-ray a week ago. I have had a few in my time, can't remember them all.
Yummy Stuff: chocolate, pasta, milk -- nothing good for me. Vicodin -- ha.
Zoo Animal I Like Most: Monkey. I wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. I didn't get it. Second would be penguins. I love to watch penguins.
Tag: I am going to tag a few people.
Doc, because I'd like to know if she has a phobia (except to idiots), what veggies she doesn't like, and her naughtiest childhood behavior.
Audrey, if she has time to play
Summer Fae
And anyone else who wants to play.
I've done it now...
I have called the camp, asked a million questions -- some the director couldn't even answer. She had to call the camp and ask them. I've registered Thomas and paid for the camp. We've got a doctor appointment set up for their health form. I've even printed out the google map so we can get there.
Gulp. Baby's going to camp.
Actually, I see this as a wonderful opportunity for Thomas. I'm glad that spur of the moment google spree ended up in something that should be a lot of fun. I see this as a great growth opportunity for Thomas (and me, too).
It's been such a hard year for him and hopefully this will be a great reliever of all the stress he's been under. He's psyched because they have a wonderful climbing wall, a challenge course that looks scary but loads of fun, swimming, horses, yada yada yada. He gets to choose five things, and he'll have three classes a day in those five things. He's also interested in canoeing, which actually surprised me.
This is a YMCA camp. Before I googled, I didn't know they existed. I always thought summer camp was cost prohibitive and something you had to sign up for way in advance. We were lucky to get in, but the cost was under $400. Not bad at all.
I think I may be teary when we drive off, but only in the sense that it's just another milestone in his growing up. I know he'll have fun. And what am I going to do the week he's away?
CLEAN HIS ROOM. ha ha ha ha ha I'm an evil mother.
He'll be three hours away. In Wisconsin. I'm okay with that. (Now. Ask me in August!)
Gulp. Baby's going to camp.
Actually, I see this as a wonderful opportunity for Thomas. I'm glad that spur of the moment google spree ended up in something that should be a lot of fun. I see this as a great growth opportunity for Thomas (and me, too).
It's been such a hard year for him and hopefully this will be a great reliever of all the stress he's been under. He's psyched because they have a wonderful climbing wall, a challenge course that looks scary but loads of fun, swimming, horses, yada yada yada. He gets to choose five things, and he'll have three classes a day in those five things. He's also interested in canoeing, which actually surprised me.
This is a YMCA camp. Before I googled, I didn't know they existed. I always thought summer camp was cost prohibitive and something you had to sign up for way in advance. We were lucky to get in, but the cost was under $400. Not bad at all.
I think I may be teary when we drive off, but only in the sense that it's just another milestone in his growing up. I know he'll have fun. And what am I going to do the week he's away?
CLEAN HIS ROOM. ha ha ha ha ha I'm an evil mother.
He'll be three hours away. In Wisconsin. I'm okay with that. (Now. Ask me in August!)
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Midnight
It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.
I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.
The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.
I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.
I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.
The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.
The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.
On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.
I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol
I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.
I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?
I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.
The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.
I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.
The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.
I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.
I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.
The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.
The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.
On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.
I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol
I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.
I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?
I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.
The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.
Midnight
It's midnight, I should be in bed. Instead, I sit at the computer, waiting for the dryer to finish its cycle, and I can swap loads.
I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.
The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.
I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.
I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.
The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.
The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.
On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.
I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol
I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.
I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?
I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.
The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.
I went to the doctor Tuesday morning. My doctor was unavailable, so I saw someone new. He was very nice, thrilled that I was using a neti pot and told me he asks all his patients to use one. He said the problem with my ears is the sinus infection. My pneumonia has cleared completely.
The day before, I had finished taking a Z-pak. Five pills, but the meds stay in your system 10 days. The new doc prescribed levaquin, a very expensive antibiotic. ($140 for the bottle.) He also gave me a narcotic pain pill -- I forget what it is now.
I went to the pharmacy and thank goodness I have a good pharmacist. He told me that I should NEVER take levaquin while I still have a Z-pak in my system because it can result in severe cardiac problems. That scared the you-know-what out of me. Then I got online and did research about levaquin and found that it causes all kinds of problems with tendons. I'm not sure what to do. The pharmacist told me not to take the levaquin until Sunday. I may wait and see if I take it at all.
I didn't think I needed pain pills. I took one yesterday anyway. Let me just say that I described my pain as a constant, extreme pressure. I didn't think it hurt, it was just a royal pain in the a$$. Well, after taking that lovely narcotic, I realize: It DID hurt. It hurt a lot. I felt so good on that pain pill. So good, in fact, I took another today.
The kicker: While I was on the Z-pak for pneumonia and sinusitis and an ear infection in my left ear, I developed an ear infection in my right ear. Go figure. The pressure is finally leaving my left ear, that pressure I've had since June 18 or 18, and has moved to the right. Good grief.
The new doctor gave me 1 refill on the pain meds. He also gave me a refill on the levaquin. I understand that sometimes a sinus infection warrants two rounds of antibiotics. I still don't know if I'll take it, because it has lots of bad side effects.
On another note, I was Googling tonight and came up with a brilliant idea: Summer camp for Thomas. YMCA has some great camps within driving distance from our home. Some still have openings. Thomas got kind of excited at the prospect of being around kids with fun things to do. So tomorrow morning, gulp, I'll be calling some of the facilities to see if I can get him in.
I never did a residential summer camp as a kid. The idea of them never thrilled me. I think it would be a good thing for Thomas, he's old enough, and he needs a break from all the trauma we've dealt with for the past several months. The question is: Can I handle him going away for six days? Time to cut those apron strings a little, knock down my anxiety a bit, and let him fly -- well, on a tether, at his age. lol
I have a million things to do. I've felt so crappy, that I haven't got much done since I got home a week ago. In fact, I finally unpacked my suitcase tonight -- only out of necessity, though. I was about out of clean clothes. Then I sorted laundry. Then I started. Then I cleaned the bathroom. Thank goodness for pain pills. I can now bend over without getting severe pain in my sinuses and ears, which means I have no excuse not to clean.
I have to take my car to the shop tomorrow. I forgot to mention earlier that my car was vandalized while in Colordao. Someone kicked in a door. Lovely. They didn't break in, no further damage, but that door -- and did I mention, I just got my car paid off in April?
I also started planning school this afternoon. Sheesh, I just don't feel like doing that, but I need to get things ordered. I make up my mind, change my mind, make up my mind and change it way too frequently. Sixth grade was a blur. I want 7th grade to be spectacular for Thomas -- and for me, too.
The dryer just buzzed. Time to fold, swap and go to bed.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Neti Pot
I've gone and done it, I bought myself a Neti Pot.
It is the grossest sensation I have ever experienced. I gag, sputter, and cry out.
But, IT WORKS!
I cannot believe how this helps me breathe. I'm convinced. Thomas and Bob watch and laugh as I use it. If I don't tilt my head just right, the water runs down my throat and I made horrid noises because I cannot stand the sensation. But did I mention, IT WORKS??!!!
My teeny, tiny town sold a product called SinuCleanse. It came with the pot and packets of salt and baking soda. I could make my own, but I needed the pot.
Now, if the pressure in my ear would only go away, I'd be very happy. My left ear has been plugged since about the 19th of June. Two rounds of antibiotics have not touched it. I'm going to have to call my doctor tomorrow.
But at least I can breathe. I'm sold on the weird Neti Pots.
Goodbye, Casa Bonita
While we were in Denver, we managed to go to Casa Bonita twice. Once, my sister and her beautiful daughter took Thomas and I for my birthday. We went a second time the night before we left town.
Goodbye, Casa Bonita -- you hold decades' of memories for me.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
home sweet home
And that it is, sweet.
We are home. Period. End of story. I'm not going anywhere else for a very long time.
I'm exhausted -- we worked 11-12 hour days every day.
I visited a clinic in Denver because I had an ear infection. The first thing I did upon my arrival home was go to our emergency clinic because after 10 days on antibiotics, my ear infection was not better. Lo and behold, I am now being treated for pneumonia. Add that to the ear infection and sinusitis I already had. Never a dull moment.
Tomorrow Thomas plans to play video games all day. That's fine with me. I plan to be in bed all day. Doctor's orders.
More later, after I've rested.
It is so good to be home, to see Bob, the wonder dogs Tesla and Apollo, my precious cats -- but most of all, (sorry Bob) MY bed.
We are home. Period. End of story. I'm not going anywhere else for a very long time.
I'm exhausted -- we worked 11-12 hour days every day.
I visited a clinic in Denver because I had an ear infection. The first thing I did upon my arrival home was go to our emergency clinic because after 10 days on antibiotics, my ear infection was not better. Lo and behold, I am now being treated for pneumonia. Add that to the ear infection and sinusitis I already had. Never a dull moment.
Tomorrow Thomas plans to play video games all day. That's fine with me. I plan to be in bed all day. Doctor's orders.
More later, after I've rested.
It is so good to be home, to see Bob, the wonder dogs Tesla and Apollo, my precious cats -- but most of all, (sorry Bob) MY bed.
Friday, June 13, 2008
One Last Thing Before I Leave...
There was a story in my local newspaper this morning about a wonderful program I wanted to share. Not for kids, but for our vets.
There is an organization called Honor Flight that sends vets to Washington, D.C. for free so they can see their memorials. Right now their priority is WWII vets because we are losing an average of 1,200 WWII vets per day. In five-ten years' time, they will all be gone.
This really touched me and made me tear up. I will be making a donation in my dad's name. If you know any WWII vets or any terminally ill vets, send them the link.
Apparently there are two organizations with similar names, and the one I have linked to is the only one that offers free flights.
There is an organization called Honor Flight that sends vets to Washington, D.C. for free so they can see their memorials. Right now their priority is WWII vets because we are losing an average of 1,200 WWII vets per day. In five-ten years' time, they will all be gone.
This really touched me and made me tear up. I will be making a donation in my dad's name. If you know any WWII vets or any terminally ill vets, send them the link.
Apparently there are two organizations with similar names, and the one I have linked to is the only one that offers free flights.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Bags are Being Packed
I'm finishing laundry, packing my bags, printing estate stuff on my printer and getting ready to head off to Colorado one last time.
We'll be back in July sometime. I won't have computer access at all, so have a great June, everyone.
We'll be back in July sometime. I won't have computer access at all, so have a great June, everyone.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
Roller Coaster
Life continues to be a roller coaster -- full of ups and downs.
Today was a good day, I got a lot of cleaning (desperately needed, I might add!) done and several loads of laundry. I even looked at my summer and 7th grade plans and started rethinking next year's choices.
Tonight I talked on the phone with my sister. I told her how sad I am that we'll be at dad's house next week to clean it out. This is so hard for me. I am the only one of four children that lived in that house. We moved there my sophomore year of high school. I first started dating while there, I smooched my sweeties on the patio glider, I snuck cigarettes there, and forgive me for saying this, I had a game of strip poker there when my parents weren't home. (I did not strip, only one guy did -- it was my first year of college, I was crazy.) Oh gosh, I've never admitted that to anyone.
Where I live now is my home, but dad's house is home, too. It's hard to say goodbye. I am fearing I'll be highly emotional. I told my sister tonight that I don't want to clean the counter next to the stove because that's where dad kept his calendar, his appointment cards, and all his very important stuff and I was never allowed to touch it. How on earth can I go in there and move his stuff, throw it away, take some, load some up for siblings, and/or donate it? I have such an attachment.
I've been in bed, but I started crying. That's why I got up -- blogging to take tears away. I guess it's all part of the mourning process.
I miss my dad every single day. Dad was a rock, my rock, my safety net, the man with answers. Now he's gone, his home will be gone, and we'll just have our memories and mementos we take with us.
Right before my mom died she told me that, "Death is a part of life." Don't' fear it. She then keeled over, had a heart attack in front of me, and was in a coma for nearly three days before she passed.
Hey, why am I the one child, out of four, that had to witness both my parents' heart attacks? My sister said it was because I was the one that could handle it. Handle it -- well, I did at the time. After, I broke down. I gained 50 pounds seemingly overnight when mom died. I am not gaining weight with dad's death, but I have that new diagnosis of anxiety disorder. Hey, maybe all the shaking I do when I'm having a panic attack will burn some calories and help me lose that 50 pounds I gained 15 years ago. Wishful thinking.
It's just hard to say goodbye. No more Denver. No more driving I-25, which I hated with a passion. No more Casa Bonita. No more swimming in dad's pool. No more Olive Garden with dad. No more a lot of things.
I have asked Thomas to think of some things he'd like to do because this will probably be the last time for years to come that we'll be in Denver. Casa Bonita was the top of his list. I'd like to go to the Nature and Science Museum again -- I love that place. The Denver Art Museum, the train museum in Golden, our old haunts, silly things like dad's Sam's Club, DAV to buy used clothing on senior citizen day. Dad would pay and get the 50% discount.
Gosh, I am not enjoying this goodbye one bit. I'm kicking and screaming inside. And crying a little, too.
I miss my dad. My mind tells me he's in a better place (yes, I do believe that) and pain free. My mind reminds me he was 81 years old, lived an excellent life. Still, it's hard.
Goodbye Dad, goodbye house, goodbye Denver. Time for a new chapter.
Today was a good day, I got a lot of cleaning (desperately needed, I might add!) done and several loads of laundry. I even looked at my summer and 7th grade plans and started rethinking next year's choices.
Tonight I talked on the phone with my sister. I told her how sad I am that we'll be at dad's house next week to clean it out. This is so hard for me. I am the only one of four children that lived in that house. We moved there my sophomore year of high school. I first started dating while there, I smooched my sweeties on the patio glider, I snuck cigarettes there, and forgive me for saying this, I had a game of strip poker there when my parents weren't home. (I did not strip, only one guy did -- it was my first year of college, I was crazy.) Oh gosh, I've never admitted that to anyone.
Where I live now is my home, but dad's house is home, too. It's hard to say goodbye. I am fearing I'll be highly emotional. I told my sister tonight that I don't want to clean the counter next to the stove because that's where dad kept his calendar, his appointment cards, and all his very important stuff and I was never allowed to touch it. How on earth can I go in there and move his stuff, throw it away, take some, load some up for siblings, and/or donate it? I have such an attachment.
I've been in bed, but I started crying. That's why I got up -- blogging to take tears away. I guess it's all part of the mourning process.
I miss my dad every single day. Dad was a rock, my rock, my safety net, the man with answers. Now he's gone, his home will be gone, and we'll just have our memories and mementos we take with us.
Right before my mom died she told me that, "Death is a part of life." Don't' fear it. She then keeled over, had a heart attack in front of me, and was in a coma for nearly three days before she passed.
Hey, why am I the one child, out of four, that had to witness both my parents' heart attacks? My sister said it was because I was the one that could handle it. Handle it -- well, I did at the time. After, I broke down. I gained 50 pounds seemingly overnight when mom died. I am not gaining weight with dad's death, but I have that new diagnosis of anxiety disorder. Hey, maybe all the shaking I do when I'm having a panic attack will burn some calories and help me lose that 50 pounds I gained 15 years ago. Wishful thinking.
It's just hard to say goodbye. No more Denver. No more driving I-25, which I hated with a passion. No more Casa Bonita. No more swimming in dad's pool. No more Olive Garden with dad. No more a lot of things.
I have asked Thomas to think of some things he'd like to do because this will probably be the last time for years to come that we'll be in Denver. Casa Bonita was the top of his list. I'd like to go to the Nature and Science Museum again -- I love that place. The Denver Art Museum, the train museum in Golden, our old haunts, silly things like dad's Sam's Club, DAV to buy used clothing on senior citizen day. Dad would pay and get the 50% discount.
Gosh, I am not enjoying this goodbye one bit. I'm kicking and screaming inside. And crying a little, too.
I miss my dad. My mind tells me he's in a better place (yes, I do believe that) and pain free. My mind reminds me he was 81 years old, lived an excellent life. Still, it's hard.
Goodbye Dad, goodbye house, goodbye Denver. Time for a new chapter.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Sick Boy
I wanted to take Thomas in to see the doctor yesterday. He insisted he was better and he didn't want to go. He threw up at 1:30 last night, and at 2:30 I was visiting Wal-Mart for some new cold meds. The old ones didn't work.
I insisted he get in to see the doctor this morning. Poor kid had a sinus infection and bronchitis. I told the doctor his grandpa passed away a couple weeks ago and the doctor nodded his head, then explained that his immune system was down from that. He just didn't have what it took to fight off that cold.
So he got a Z-pack (spg?) and hopefully he's on his way to recovery. He told the doctor he was sick of being sick.
I'm not glad that Thomas is sick, but I can honestly say that it has made one thing easier: school. Bob was insistent we start school immediately upon our return from Colorado. I didn't have it in me. Neither did Thomas.
So, I have officially declared June to be a school-free month. We'll be gone half the month, and we just need a break. Hopefully Thomas will enjoy some time off when he isn't sick.
Come July, watch out. We have to finish up some things and our standardized test comes in July. I guess that will work well because July is usually nasty-hot nasty-humidity here, so it's best to be inside then anyway.
And so it goes.
This year school has been tough. Thinking about next year was tough, too. Right now, though, I'm at the point that I'm ready for some normalcy in our life. I want next year to be a fantastic school year. We need that.
I insisted he get in to see the doctor this morning. Poor kid had a sinus infection and bronchitis. I told the doctor his grandpa passed away a couple weeks ago and the doctor nodded his head, then explained that his immune system was down from that. He just didn't have what it took to fight off that cold.
So he got a Z-pack (spg?) and hopefully he's on his way to recovery. He told the doctor he was sick of being sick.
I'm not glad that Thomas is sick, but I can honestly say that it has made one thing easier: school. Bob was insistent we start school immediately upon our return from Colorado. I didn't have it in me. Neither did Thomas.
So, I have officially declared June to be a school-free month. We'll be gone half the month, and we just need a break. Hopefully Thomas will enjoy some time off when he isn't sick.
Come July, watch out. We have to finish up some things and our standardized test comes in July. I guess that will work well because July is usually nasty-hot nasty-humidity here, so it's best to be inside then anyway.
And so it goes.
This year school has been tough. Thinking about next year was tough, too. Right now, though, I'm at the point that I'm ready for some normalcy in our life. I want next year to be a fantastic school year. We need that.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Humor in my Life
(Warning: Tacky, gross bodily function post ahead.)
Lately there hasn't been a lot of humor in my life. I still feel like I'm walking knee-deep through the water. However, last night Thomas and I got a really good laugh.
Thomas had been sick all day, not feeling well at all. He threw up once in the day and didn't quite make it to the toilet. I had to scrub the bathroom. Yuck. Well, lo and behold, later in the evening, the same thing happened. Got sick, didn't quite make it to the toilet.
I had been talking on the phone and really had to go to the bathroom when he got sick. I had to go before I started cleaning up. I had to step over a pile of it on the floor to get to the toilet. Knowing he missed the toilet by three feet, I didn't think twice about sitting down. Big mistake. I screamed out.
Thomas came in, saw, started laughing. See, he missed the toilet the first time, but made it to the toilet for the second coming. And he was lifting the seat as he was throwing up. It was clear so I didn't see it. And I sat in puke.
Ewwww. Gross. Gag. Sputter. Ewwww. That was one very nasty sensation. After I got over the gross factor, we both laughed and laughed and laughed.
So I had a bathroom and ME to clean up.
It's the small things in life that make us smile. Thomas laughed so hard that he felt much, much better. And that made me feel good. And I had to laugh at myself because I was too stupid -- um, didn't have the intelligence to check the seat first.
Lately there hasn't been a lot of humor in my life. I still feel like I'm walking knee-deep through the water. However, last night Thomas and I got a really good laugh.
Thomas had been sick all day, not feeling well at all. He threw up once in the day and didn't quite make it to the toilet. I had to scrub the bathroom. Yuck. Well, lo and behold, later in the evening, the same thing happened. Got sick, didn't quite make it to the toilet.
I had been talking on the phone and really had to go to the bathroom when he got sick. I had to go before I started cleaning up. I had to step over a pile of it on the floor to get to the toilet. Knowing he missed the toilet by three feet, I didn't think twice about sitting down. Big mistake. I screamed out.
Thomas came in, saw, started laughing. See, he missed the toilet the first time, but made it to the toilet for the second coming. And he was lifting the seat as he was throwing up. It was clear so I didn't see it. And I sat in puke.
Ewwww. Gross. Gag. Sputter. Ewwww. That was one very nasty sensation. After I got over the gross factor, we both laughed and laughed and laughed.
So I had a bathroom and ME to clean up.
It's the small things in life that make us smile. Thomas laughed so hard that he felt much, much better. And that made me feel good. And I had to laugh at myself because I was too stupid -- um, didn't have the intelligence to check the seat first.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
interesting tidbits about my dad
He loved his job -- all his life. What a special gift.
Both of his grandfathers fought in the civil war.
He was friends with James Dean when he was a kid. (Dad was older.) Dad was into motorcycles, as was James Dean. Dad hung out at a place called Carter's Motorcycle Shop and James Dean did, too. Dad bought his first Indian from Carter's. Dean lived just down the road from Carter's. Dad always told us he taught James Dean how to ride. I would imagine it was him, along with others. James Dean also went to high school with my uncle.
Dad loved Indian motorcycles. He had two in his lifetime. He rode from Laramie, Wyoming to Indiana when he was young. In February. On a motorcycle.
Dad and I both shared a passion for family history. Dad took me to countless cemeteries in Indiana and we found our ancestors together. (Well, with my sister, her kids and Thomas came, too.)
Dad was a brilliant carpenter. He built his own house in Wyoming. He built many wonderful treasures. The last big thing he made was a harp for my sister.
Dad had a really great sense of humor. He cracked a good joke the night before he died.
He was a fountain of knowledge. He could answer any question. He gave excellent advice. He was very non-judgmental.
Dad was big-time into unions. He fought for the underdog. He served as a chairman for his local union for quite a few years.
He was a life-long democrat yet registered as a republican. When I asked him why, he said it was because he wanted to get mailings from the republicans so he could keep abreast of what they were up to.
When I was a small child, dad used to use the word dope instead of information. I'd hear him on the phone saying, "Get the dope to me and I'll look it over." I was mortified. As a kid, I knew what dope was, and in that generation it did not mean information.
Dad loved his grandkids. He was a great grandpa. He had a special bond with Thomas because Thomas loved trains.
Dad was a very equal and fair man.
He loved to eat, and he loved vegetables. His last real meal was spinach my sister brought him.
Dad was a marine. He quit school his senior year at 17 and joined up. He proudly served his country. (And may I add, the VA proudly served him in his final days. His death was met with great dignity.)
I could go on and on, but I won't. I am just in the throws of mourning, here, and want to scream to the world how great my dad was. Because he was.
I miss him.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Woe is me
One thing after another, lately. Bob had a medical emergency Monday which required an emergency room visit, 10 stitches and in the future, advanced dental care to the tune of 5000 - 7500 bucks. Hoping insurance covers this.
I was so hoping to get back to normal -- but I forget what that is.
For some reason, my life seems to be riddled with worry. No control over anything. Time to search for a new normal. I'd try it, but I just don't seem to have the energy yet.
We have a date set to go back to Colorado and clean dad's house out. As sad as it is to close down a home, his home, I'm so anxious to get it done and over with -- steps toward that new normalcy.
On the school front, I need to order Thomas's yearly standardized test, a requirement of the state in which we live. We will do math, grammar, writing and reading for the summer. Thomas is not pleased at all, but we simply must.
My house is a mess. My finances are a mess. My life is a mess. Baby steps -- getting school back up and running will a huge step in the right direction. Getting caught up on the bazillion loads of laundry will be another.
In our town, the private schools are done for the year and the public schools finish this week. It hardly seems fair that we'll have to keep going -- especially since we're emotionally drained. That's why I chose to do only the things of most importance.
If I were rich right now I'd:
1) Hire a tutor. Something I've *never* thought of in the past.
2) Hire a cleaning lady.
3) Hire a cook.
4) Hire a gardener.
5) Have a spa treatment.
6) Find a box of Calgon and use it.
Instead, I will luxuriate in the aroma and beauty of the bouquet of flowers my good friends the Georgia Peach and Heath surprised me with yesterday. Thank you so much -- you can't imagine how much that lifted my spirits. It's things like that which remind me of how rich and fortunate I am.
Laundry and math call . . .
I was so hoping to get back to normal -- but I forget what that is.
For some reason, my life seems to be riddled with worry. No control over anything. Time to search for a new normal. I'd try it, but I just don't seem to have the energy yet.
We have a date set to go back to Colorado and clean dad's house out. As sad as it is to close down a home, his home, I'm so anxious to get it done and over with -- steps toward that new normalcy.
On the school front, I need to order Thomas's yearly standardized test, a requirement of the state in which we live. We will do math, grammar, writing and reading for the summer. Thomas is not pleased at all, but we simply must.
My house is a mess. My finances are a mess. My life is a mess. Baby steps -- getting school back up and running will a huge step in the right direction. Getting caught up on the bazillion loads of laundry will be another.
In our town, the private schools are done for the year and the public schools finish this week. It hardly seems fair that we'll have to keep going -- especially since we're emotionally drained. That's why I chose to do only the things of most importance.
If I were rich right now I'd:
1) Hire a tutor. Something I've *never* thought of in the past.
2) Hire a cleaning lady.
3) Hire a cook.
4) Hire a gardener.
5) Have a spa treatment.
6) Find a box of Calgon and use it.
Instead, I will luxuriate in the aroma and beauty of the bouquet of flowers my good friends the Georgia Peach and Heath surprised me with yesterday. Thank you so much -- you can't imagine how much that lifted my spirits. It's things like that which remind me of how rich and fortunate I am.
Laundry and math call . . .
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Goodbye, Dad
Dad passed away May 17.
Thomas and I hopped a plane on a Tuesday -- I think it was the 6th. We bought round-trip tickets planning to return the following Tuesday. We gave up our tickets. (Hotwire is nonrefundable.) We ended up returning just tonight.
This trip cost us a couple thousand dollars that we didn't have, but it was priceless. We got to spend the final weeks with dad.
I had the honor of taking him outside for his last cigar. Dad enjoyed watching Thomas climb a tree on the grounds. We all enjoyed talks while he could, and then later just holding hands.
Dad was moved from the hospital to the VA. We were so impressed with the care he received.
I am numb, exhausted, and sad beyond belief. I am relieved that dad is not suffering any longer, though.
Driving home from the airport tonight, Thomas stated that he felt as if a part of him died. I feel the same way.
My heart aches.
Thomas and I hopped a plane on a Tuesday -- I think it was the 6th. We bought round-trip tickets planning to return the following Tuesday. We gave up our tickets. (Hotwire is nonrefundable.) We ended up returning just tonight.
This trip cost us a couple thousand dollars that we didn't have, but it was priceless. We got to spend the final weeks with dad.
I had the honor of taking him outside for his last cigar. Dad enjoyed watching Thomas climb a tree on the grounds. We all enjoyed talks while he could, and then later just holding hands.
Dad was moved from the hospital to the VA. We were so impressed with the care he received.
I am numb, exhausted, and sad beyond belief. I am relieved that dad is not suffering any longer, though.
Driving home from the airport tonight, Thomas stated that he felt as if a part of him died. I feel the same way.
My heart aches.
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