I need some recommendations

Our microscope just isn't working out. It's a few years old, but it was cheap. Basically, it's junk.

Today we tried looking at skin cells and neither Thomas nor I could see. When DH came home, he took it apart, cleaned the lenses, and it still didn't work. You get what you pay for. We paid under $100 for this thing and it wasn't worth that much.

We need a new one. Something under $200. We need something that will last years. Something that is good -- well, as good as can be for that price.

DH told me to start researching, to check Carolina Biological, Edmund Scientifics, and I thought I'd check out homesciencetools.com as well.

I'm clueless, though. Thought I'd ask for recommendations first.

Thanks!

Sunday night ugh

I did not seem to get refreshed over the weekend. I need another day to rest before starting in on school, but I know that won't happen.

My insomnia was in full force and effect last night. I was up until 4:30 am and finally drifted off to sleep after 5. DH gets up at 5, even on the weekends, and we talked a little when he got up. I slept until 2. Yup, 2 in the afternoon. I woke up with the nastiest headache that I couldn't shake. Whine, whine, whine. Didn't get hardly anything done on my to-do list today. Monday will be rough here because of it.

Finally around 5 pm my husband noted that I had not had any caffeine today. He made me a pot of coffee. Amazing, after lots of pill popping, a head massage by both DH and Thomas, it was a cup of coffee that took that nasty headache away. Thank goodness.

Once alert, I sat and did Sudokus and watched the last half of North Country. Good movie, only I'd like to see the first half!

I did manage to order some new books. I ordered three books from Amazon. Crucial Conversations and Crucial Confrontations -- to teach me how to interact with people. Well, to teach me how to deal with a-holes. I'm not good at it, but now that I'm older and wiser, I'm standing up to people. I just want to learn to come across less bitchy and more effective. These books were recommended to me by an awesome speech teacher who is starting up a coaching business as well. So I'm anxious to get those.

I also bought a silly little book that had an Amazon 5-star rating with almost 200 positive reviews. I think some of them are shill reviews, but they can't all be. The Easy Way to Stop Smoking. From what I gather, it's a cognitive therapy-type approach, or a brainwashing, to help you learn to stop smoking. Let's see, in the past I've tried gum, patches, cold turkey, and have been prescribed Welbutrin but didn't take it because I heard nasty things about the drug. I've even tried putting a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it every time I wanted a cigarette. I've tried chewing on pencils, suckers, hard candies, too. None worked. So I'll give this a shot. I figure one of these times it's got to work. Either that or my I'll just continue to feel like a failure. Damn, I hate addictions. This is why I do not drink alcohol. Addictive personality.

I also placed a small order at Rainbow. We're still struggling with spelling, and after looking at tons of recommendations, sites, programs galore, my try will be with Megawords. We'll try it a few weeks and see if I need to do a weekly spelling list, and if we do, I have one printed from Everyday Spelling. Ugh. Thomas is a good rule follower, and I think Megawords will present the rules well enough for him plus giving him some practice. Time will tell.

Broke down and bought Trail Guide to US Geography, too. I just don't have the time to figure out an organized program with Mapping the World by Heart -- right now.

Thomas was rather cute when I told him I bought some new supplies. He said, "Wow, thanks, mom, for taking care of me and providing me with the supplies I need." lmao... In the next breath he gave me his birthday request list. Butter me up, kiddo. He's learning. ;-)

Here I sit on the computer with several loads of laundry that need done, trash that needs emptying, dishes that need washed, menus that need planned, floors that need vacuumed.

Time to do a 30-minute crazed woman sweep then taking a sleeping pill and hope it will knock me out.

Ugh.

He works so hard

He really does work hard.

The darned cat follows us everywhere! On this occasion, the cat started flapping his tail into Thomas's pencil. Thomas was highly annoyed but got over it quickly.

Loving kitty.

Loving kiddo.

In case

Just in case someone is reading my blog but not the comments, I thought I'd share here what Becky and Julie found out.

The owner of blogPot.com has it set up so you can type anything in front of blogpot and go to his site. Just miss one little S and you're going to face that. So secular homeschoolers and/or Pearl "haters" aren't being targeted. It's everyone.

I read further that this same crackPot (great name, Becky!) also bought the right to blogpsot.com, but I couldn't get any of the URL's from blogspot blogs to work there.


Sick.

Sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.

I found more...

http://adventuremouse.blogpot.com/

http://asmallcornerofnowhere.blogpot.com/

http://escapadesfinnslinky.blogpot.com/

http://homeschoolalong.blogpot.com/

http://lifewithheathens.blogpot.com/

http://lightingthefires.blogpot.com/

http://mylittlesoapbox.blogpot.com/

http://mom2radata.blogpot.com/

http://harmsinoz.blogpot.com/

http://deskfullofclutter.blogpot.com/

http://laneygardner.blogpot.com/

http://twicebloomed.blogpot.com/

If you want to check your blog, make sure that you have just the blogpot.com address and nothing after. I originally thought Audrey and Sam had not been splogged, but then realized that their main page to their blog had "index" in the address. When I took that off, I found their splog.


Now here's my big question: Has blogPot taken over all blogspot blogs? I ask because I found many blogs I read, that are not homeschool related, to also have their own blogPt versions.

Well, I've given way too much time to this matter.

Back to school.

Too much time on your hands

Someone out there has too much time on her hands.

A friend visited my blog and wrote to me to let me know it was taken over. As it turns out, it was not taken over but it was "splogged." Someone out there with way too much time on her hands has started a new blog with the "S" omitted from blogspot. The splog site takes you to a very Christian webpage.

The website is called blogPot.com.

I got to thinking, I wonder if some of my blogging-world friends got spogged.

Yup. I only checked a few of my blog friends, but here is the list with the FAKE addresses.

(The content on all the blogs is the same as on the original blogPot.com page.)

http://kitchentablelearners.blogpot.com
http://farmschoolathome.blogpot.com/
http://docssunriserants.blogpot.com/
(notice they didn't use the correct address?)
http://evilmissyrants.blogpot.com/

http://hair-brainedmind.blogpot.com/

http://thehouseofus.blogpot.com/

http://mothercroneshomeschool.blogpot.com/

http://progressive-homeschool.blogpot.com/

http://classicalcynicism.blogpot.com/

http://thoseweirdhomeschoolers.blogpot.com/
http://onejellydonutplease.blogpot.com/

Well, splog might not be the correct term, but we've been copied, that's for sure.

Comments, anyone???

Mud

Thomas played with some long-time friends last week. They are also homeschoolers. They live next to a creek. The kids were all filthy! What is it about a creek and kids? Instant fun -- hours of fun.

Thomas had already hosed off before I saw him. He only had mud remaining on his face. His clothes were soaked.

This was a play date that will stay with him forever. He talked about it all weekend. He even asked this question:

"Mom, would you and dad consider relocating? And if you would, could we please buy a house next to a creek?"

I wish we could. I love to let him play, explore and get filthy dirty. That's what makes a happy child.

Poor Wyoming

Wyoming is so misunderstood.

I was born in Wyoming. I lived in that state until I started the seventh grade. I have countless friends and relatives still living there. It has a beauty that is like no other. Some of it is barren. You can see for miles and miles. There are antelope. Lots of antelope. There are beautiful mountains. The wind blows. And blows. And blows. I recently read that Cheyenne, not Chicago, is the real windiest city.

Why do I think Wyoming is misunderstood? Well, I decided to print out state maps for Thomas, because we still haven't done a "good" state study. I went to enchantedlearning.com because it is a great website. Well, much to my dismay, I found their Wyoming state map. I didn't like what I saw.

Enchanted Learning's Wyoming map

Go ahead, take a second and look at my beautiful Wyoming.

So if you don't know anything about Wyoming, what would you think by looking at this map? That the entire state has mountains!

Wrong.

Here's a physical map of Wyoming.

See the difference?

Yes, Wyoming has mountains -- beautiful Mountains. But it also has "flat" land. Not flat like Kansas, but the type of land you can see for miles and miles. Desolate, barren, antelope-filled, wind-swept prairie land.

I googled some photos of the Wyoming I know:

photo one Does this look like a mountain? There are miles and miles of this!
photo two Ditto

site three: This site has a great selection of photos showing great mountains and the barren lands.

I'm just very picky. I decided to not use Enchanted Learning's maps. Wyoming isn't all mountains. I don't want Thomas thinking that it is. Well, he wouldn't, he's driven through eastern Wyoming many, many times. But...if their Wyoming map is incorrect, I wonder how many other states are? I only know a handful of states. I've been to many, but not like I know Wyoming, Colorado, Iowa, Nebraska and South Dakota.

I didn't bother checking any of the other state maps.

My beloved Wyoming was misunderstood and I didn't care to go further.

CBS, 9-11 and Women Firefighters

I watched the CBS 9-11 special tonight. I was glued to the television. It was so, for lack of a better term, good. I cannot put into words my thoughts and feelings about it.

However, at the end of the program, when they showed photos of all the firefighters that died, something popped into my mind. All were men. Were there no women firefighters there that day? Obviously none died, but were there women?

I'm too tired to do much research, but I did find a website with a short article. It is about Lt. Brenda Berkman. So in answer to my question: Yes, there were women firefighters on the scene.

Here's the article.

I will probably be doing more research about this in upcoming days just to satisfy my own curiosity.

I remember when women were "allowed" to become firefighters way back when. The big question was always, "Do you want a man or a "weak" woman carrying you down a ladder from a burning building?" My answer then and now: Doesn't matter, I want someone that can do the job.

I remember the day of 9-11 well. I was severely deperssed. Thomas had just started kindergarten. He had the teacher from hell. That woman was a b*tch and I do think I could say that to her face, so I feel safe saying it here. She started in immediately. She treated Thomas like garbage. She was a parent's (and child's) nightmare. Eventually after Thomas lost all self-esteem and was depressed himself, we demanded a transfer and a new teacher. Took some time to convince my husband, sadly.

The morning of 9-11, I had decided to "pull myself up by the boot straps" and get on with life. I went to my cleaning group, logged into the chatroom to say hi to my friends. We used to chat for five minutes, then clean our houses for 25, then meet in the chatroom again. It was fun. I needed them that morning to get me out of my funk. Instead, I was informed that one plane had hit the towers. I logged out of the chatroom and was glued to the television for days to come.

I was miserably depressed that year. I had a son who was suffering, a husband who was burying his head in the sand, and I was as down as I had ever been in my life. I was scared and sickened from 9-11. I think the worst thing about 9-11 was there was nothing I could do to help.

What a difference five years makes. My heart still aches, as does everyone's. There just are no words. But life goes on and we honor those who lost their lives by living ours.

Tomorrow we will have a moment of silence. Tomorrow we will discuss 9-11. Tomorrow, and forever, we will remember.

my downfall

I stole candy from a baby today. Well, actually it wasn't candy, it was the last bag of chocolate chip muffins. Darn, they're good. Poor Thomas was saving the last bag for him, but I ate it. I didn't feel guilty, either.

I wonder why I'm fat -- 250 calories, 14 grams of fat in each mouth-watering bag containing 5 muffins. Argh. Each box has four bags of muffins. Cost is $3.29, or if we're lucky and catch a sale, two boxes for $5.

I don't buy these often because they're gone in a matter of hours. I can feel pounds of fat forming on my body -- my skin painfully stretching by just eating one bag. Okay, I am exaggerating, but I know these are killers for my weight-health.

I make great muffins. I have played around with standard muffin recipes quite a bit and ended up with a mean batch of oatmeal chocolate chip muffins. I also have the very-best-in-the-world bran muffin recipe. Both my concoctions are yummy, healthy, and low in fat -- but they just aren't Hostess Mini-Muffins.

So in terms only a 10-year-old can appreciate: I got the last bag, nanny-nanny poo-poo.

I'm so evil!

COMMENTS FROM THOMAS: What a terrible person to steal from their kid! Those were mine, I'm mad! I love mom anyway.

First Week Down

Our first week of homeschooling this year is now under our belt. What did I learn?

1) I hate the spelling program that I bought and it is history. Yes, I bought Rod and Staff spelling. No, it wasn't a good fit. Yes, I knew it wouldn't be a good fit when I bought it, but for some reason I bought it anyway. Thomas tested at grade level with spelling, but he's not a good speller. We liked Sequential Spelling, but Thomas likes rules. Give him a rule and he'll remember it. Ugh. Live and learn. Back to the drawing board. I think we'll switch back to Sequential and read a spelling rules book I bought at Rainbow. I'll need to spend a bit of time tweaking this weekend.

2) Rod and Staff English is a hit. It was last year, too. I only wish that Growing With Grammar had their 5th grade program out, which we liked even better, but it's not, so Rod and Staff will have to do. We do the entire book orally. This year I am having Thomas do worksheets corresponding to the lesson. We had the worksheet book last year but I was hit and miss assigning them. I really think this is a very solid English program. (Which is probably why I tried their spelling -- I was hopeful.)

3) Math is math. Thomas hates math, although he is good math concepts. I have an entire blog entry swimming around in my head about math that I need to write. Someday soon.

4) History, world and US, is a hit. Easy for me, because both are CDs. We're loving Hakim's book on CD and we snuggle up in my bed while it plays. It's quick, it's easy, and Thomas remembers. World History we're doing SOTW. I debated doing I or II and ended up starting II. I have the activity book, but honestly, coloring sheets are not Thomas's style. I doubt we'll do much in the way of activities listed in their book, but we do have the book out when we listen to the CD because we look at the maps as the CD is playing. I'll add in map work and supplemental books to both as time goes on.

We expanded a little on the Romans in Chapter One of SOTW. I got a bunch of videos from the library and we watched those. One was on Pompeii. I was there when I was 17. What they didn't show in the video we watched was their fascination with sex. We were allowed into one room, while in Pompeii, that had all kinds of sculptures with the male human anatomy greatly exaggerated. The teacher we were with wouldn't let us into any of the other rooms -- I'm still upset over that! I'll never forget the one room, though. I don't know how one particular statute stood up -- "it" was the size of an arm. Gee, that's all I seem to remember from Pompeii. Shame on me. ;-) No, I didn't share that with Thomas. But it raced through my mind the entire time we watched the video.

Last night we watched Gladiator. Russell Crowe is so easy on the eyes, even as he's whacking someone's head off. I prepared Thomas ahead of time that it was going to be gory, violent and gross. We all loved the movie and I don't think the gore did any damage to Thomas. I can't believe that movie came out in 2000, won best Oscar, and we had not seen it yet! I'm glad I noticed it at our library.

Science needs some more work. My husband is in charge of Switched on Schoolhouse Science. He hasn't spent enough time figuring out the program and getting things assigned. It is kind of complicated for a first-time user. So that needs some work. However, I am doing science with Thomas as well. I grabbed How Science Works and we've been reading every night. I did not buy stuff for experiments and Thomas is quite upset with that. So I need to do that this weekend and hope the stuff will get here quickly.

The absolute best thing I did this year, though, was schedule really light days on Fridays. We do math and world history, plus Thomas has to read. That's it. What a luxury that is. I almost felt guilty Friday morning, but quickly got over it. This light Friday business might just keep me sane throughout the year.

We're doing lots of other stuff too, but those are the highlights. Thomas has a favorite. I bought him a logic book. He loves it, begs to do it, and will be done way too soon. I wasn't going to buy another this year, but I have changed my mind. I have to remember to encourage what he loves. He watches me do Sudoku after Sudoku, so why should he be able to do logic page after page if he wants!

This year's classroom photo

Pardon the fuzzy photo, it's a camera phone, what can I say. We did a little rearranging this year. Added was a desk that I picked up at a garage sale at an area public school for $1. The little table holding the hermit crab tank in the back corner was also $1 at the same sale. Oh, and the tank holding the hermit crabs was also $1 at the same sale! Whoops, can't forget the chair with the ugly blue chairpad on it -- also $1. I use that chair, believe it or not. It actually causes me less back pain than an adult-sized chair! It comes in very handy as a step stool, too.

The file thingamabob on my desk I got at a garage sale for a quarter. I'm so damned cheap! lol Of course I picked up tons of nice reading material at garage sales, too. Can we say tightwad? Oh, no, perhaps frugal diva might be better. Yeah, I like that one better.

I wonder if Thomas will grow up and complain about his garage-sale furnished childhood. tee-hee

We are liking this arrangement much better. It created lots more surface area in such a tiny room. I like having books on my desk. Thomas likes that his desk has compartments down the side to hold many books and his Alphasmart. Of course he doesn't like the "Tyler sucks" that was scratched into the edge of his desk. Oh well, I guess he could get the sandpaper out and erase it.

Even with our "nice" (to us, at least) classroom, I still go stir crazy in there. If Thomas had his way, he'd do all school in there. I can't. The first day of school this year we did and I found it boring, boring, boring. So we have decided to compromise and take turns picking where we'll study. I like to bounce around. Thomas will still snuggle with me when I'm reading to him, and our big chair is great for that!

This room is fantastic as it contains everything, including all homeschool supplies, all kid books, five hermit crabs, a cat that will not leave us alone, a dog that will not leave me alone, and probably a few spiders to boot.

How Strange!

I had written my last blog entry wishing I had a photo of the special puppy. Our camera is not working right, so I didn't run to snap a shot. Both DH and I just got new cell phones with cameras. Well, how strange is it that my husband, not knowing I had blogged about the puppy, took a photo of it and sent it to me!

So, here is Thomas's beloved puppy, affectionately known as Dot. We could write a book on her adventures and travels, the worst being lost in Kmart for a week. I'll save that for another day.

Heartfelt tears

One of the things I find so special and endearing about my son is he is so compassionate. That compassion runs from people to objects, but especially feelings.

Today, while he was finishing up On the Banks of Plum Creek, he burst into tears. Tears were pouring down his cheeks! I asked him what on earth was the matter. He was furious at Ma. It seems Ma made Laura give away Charlotte, Laura's beloved rag doll.

Immediately I sped back 30 years into the mid 70s, sitting on our green couch with my toes just barely touching the (ugly) green shag carpeting. There I sat bawling. Why? Because Ma made Laura give away Charlotte, Laura's beloved rag doll.

Like mother like son.

Thomas kept saying: She had no right, she had no right! What a bad parent. I told him I agreed that it was a bad decision. We discussed manners of their day, manners of our day, and why Ma did what she did. I also took his book and showed him that she apologized because she hadn't realized Charlotte meant so much to Laura. I explained that she was human and subject to err -- as we all are. I explained that I was just as horrified at what she did when I was a child (and even today!) as he was. We also discussed how it worked out in the end.

Oh, but to be forced to give away that one something special.

My special something when I was a child was a yellow Baby Beans doll. Her name was Jody Ann. (What was I thinking with that name?) After reading the above-mentioned passage, I remember hugging her tight and hoping my mom would never give her away or put her in one of her garage sales like she did so many of my toys. She didn't. Jody Ann is still in my household today. There's a picture of a doll just like Jody Ann here at the very bottom.

Thomas's special thing is a black and white Playskool puppy. He got it for Easter before he turned one and it has been with him ever since. It's been to every state Thomas has. Thomas even took it to South Carolina last fall. Although the puppy is not the constant companion it once was, "puppy" will always be a part of our home. It's his one something special.

Thomas related to Laura giving up Charlotte. To him, it would have been like giving up his puppy. To me, it would have been like giving up Jody Ann.

Thomas ended up finishing the book today after I got him calmed down. Let me just say, though, that his dad got an ear full at the dinner table about Ma's poor choice.

I wonder how many children over time that bothered. ;-)

Thomas isn't spoiled, stingy or selfish. He shares, gives things away that surprise me -- it's just that he related to the specialness of Charlotte.

Duh

Well, I feel stupid. Tuesday I peaked out the window and saw no kids at the bus stop. I was surprised by that.

This afternoon we had a weekly paper delivered at 1:45 pm by one of Thomas' former classmates. I'm thinking -- why in the heck isn't that kid in school!

At about 2:15 this afternoon, I noticed older kids outside playing. I couldn't figure it out! School started Tuesday.

Well, how soon we forget! This is our third year out of public school and I completely forget about the back-to-school conferences! The Tues and Wed after Labor Day, they hold 15-minute back-to-school conferences for all kids in K-6 here. And get this: They count both days as official school days!

On the one hand, when I was the parent of a public school kiddo, I appreciated those back-to-school conferences because Thomas got to meet his teacher, take all his crap--er, school suplies in ahead of time, and it was less scary for him. It was nice for me to meet the teacher instead of waiting for the first fall parent teacher conference.

However, I am astonished that they get to claim that as an official school day and get away with it.

So, I'm ticked that we started too soon. lol Well, not really, I guess, because we're getting a good routine going. I'll peak out the window tomorrow morning and check out the cute twins across the street as they start kindergarten...I remember Thomas at that age, and all the kids in the neighborhood. They all wore backpacks that were almost bigger than they were.

Now it seems so wrong to send such young children off into the world. I knew it wasn't right then, but didn't have a husband who was on the same wavelength as I was.

Oh well. Live and learn.

I think a party is in order tomorrow. A not back-to-school party, as I keep reading about on blogs. Maybe another run for biscuits and gravy is in order. lol Any excuse to not cook breakfast here!

First Day!

Today was our first day of 5th grade. We'd been practicing going to bed early and getting up early in anticipation. ... Like you can really practice that! It was a long, hard day -- for mom.

We did our annual biscuits and gravy breakfast. Hopped in the car right as the school bus drove by then hit Hardees. That has always been a great incentive for getting Thomas up and out of bed.

Started school at 8:10. By 11:00 I thought I was going to drop. I was sooooo tired. Thomas was working on his math and I went to lie down on my bed -- just for a few minutes. 45 minutes later Thomas woke me up asking what was next. Good grief!

The afternoon "session" was strange. We break our day and do stuff in both morning and afternoon, and the afternoon I scheduled reading time for Thomas so that I could take a nap (if needed, which sadly happens frequently.) Today we were also going to do geography and science in the afternoon. Thomas threw me a curve ball today, though. When his appointed time was up for reading, he insisted he get to read longer. He was really enjoying his book. (One of the Little House Series which he didn't finish this past summer as I had hoped.) Well, he read for an hour and a half longer than he was supposed to.

That's a good thing, right? I told my husband and he said well, he doesn't have to read tomorrow. I said bull! He has to read daily. So DH was upset we didn't do geography or science today. DH was supposed to take over science, but he didn't have anything prepared except for Thomas to identify a huge moth he caught. So tonight Thomas and I snuggled up in my bed tonight, read about matter from How Science Works and then drew maps of the world and labeled them. We have a lot of geography learning ahead of us, because sadly, neither of us did a very good job. It was fun, though, and will be great to compare today's maps to the maps we will do at the end of the year.

I took a sleeping pill a half hour ago in hopes that I'll be asleep by 11 tonight. I think we'll get up a tad bit later tomorrow morning. I'm hoping this old bird can get used to the schedule this week so I'm not dragging so badly! Thomas did fine. The rest of the week I can see me tweaking our schedule, adding and dropping some things.

All in all, I'm so happy that we said goodbye to the public school a few years ago. Homeschooling is wonderful.

Saturday Afternoon ups and downs

Thomas has been playing outside all day. I get a little worried when I don't see him zipping in and out or in the neighbor's yard, but I assume (hope!) he's fine. It's about time to call the mom down the road to see what the boys are up to.

I haven't felt like blogging at all. I have such a feeling of sadness. Sometimes, after almost 17 years of marriage, I lose touch with my husband's feelings -- or he loses touch of mine and we just tend to exist together. It runs in spurts, and I think it's a comfort thing, like wearing an old, worn pair of shoes or jeans. That feeling is gone, now, as I watch him. I can see his stress and worry on his face. His entire demeanor has changed. My heart aches for him.

Losing a parent (or anyone) is always difficult. My husband confessed it's been years since he's lost anyone. He was young when his grandparents passed. We were newly married when the final grandma passed. This one is so much closer to home.

Anyway, as my husband said the night we wept together at the Pizza Hut, it makes you appreciate those you love more. He was right. I have been flooded with feelings for my man. Even though he's testy and a little grumpy, I just feel so drawn to him right now. He hurts, therefore I hurt. I just want to hug him and make it all better.

The cowboy had a very rough night last night. We got the phone call that he may not make it through the night. He had developed pneumonia. Well, he made it through the night and is a little better today, but he's still on shaky ground. I wonder if he will ever be able to go home again -- even for a short time. I just can't imagine leaving for a doctor's appointment and cat scan and never going home again.

It's weird, but when Thomas and I were alone that night at the cowboy's house, I did dishes. They don't have a dishwasher, so I had to wash by hand. I picked up the Cowboy's coffee cup that was sitting next to his chair. I knew that was the cup he had used for his morning coffee that very morning. The thought ran across my mind: I wonder if this is his last cup of coffee here. Weird as it may seem, I almost didn't want to wash the cup. I wanted to save it and just look at it for awhile. I wanted it to give me some peace -- like he going to walk in at any minute, sit down at the table with me and have a cup of coffee together.

Life is short. Hug those you love. Even if they're grumpy, stressed, sad and worried.

One thing is true: I am looking forward to starting school. I need some certainty in my life. We start after Labor Day. I have one week to get the school room cleaned. I've been working on that all summer. lol

I wish I could say Thomas was looking forward to school. He's not. I'll be completely honest here: He never looks forward to school. It's just something he has to do. I do envy reading about kids who are excited to start. My reality is 180 degrees different. And that's okay. He's still learning.

I've got a room that needs a cleanin' calling my name.

Cowboy

To a very special cowboy.

My heart aches for you. My heart aches for your wife. My heart aches for all your very large family. My heart aches for my husband, my son and me.

We're going to be losing our cowboy sometime soon. The doctors say anywhere from two to eight months. Four words: two to eight months. Four very powerful words.

We've been out of town the past few days. We got "the" phone call last Wednesday night that B's dad was not well and was going to the doctor and for a CAT scan on Friday. Thursday we drove half way, slept, got up and stopped at Wall Drug for an hour of fun for Thomas. On the road again, we walked in B's mom's house. Cowboy and wife weren't home yet from the doctor appointment. No sooner had we walked in than the phone started ringing. It was Mrs. Cowboy, B's mom. She said that the small hospital was sending him immediately to a larger hospital via ambulance right now. She was coming home first to eat a sandwich and pack a bag, and would B please drive her over to the other hospital. I didn't want to interfere or intrude, plus I did want to shelter my son from an emegerncy room visit when things were seeming very dismal. I stayed home and went to the grocery store and bought tons of sandwich meat, bread, bananas, butter, chips and pop for B's siblings and their families as requested by Mrs. Cowboy.

Later Mrs. Cowboy and B returned looking exhausted, worried and upset. It seems the Cowboy had a bleeding brain and what appeared to be a brain tumor.

The next day everyone drove to the big hospital. That day we also learned there was a tumor in his lung as well. Then we faced the weekend where hospitals aren't very busy, tests aren't run, and things are at a snapping turtle's pace. Monday morning comes in with the hope of action, more tests and answers.

The tests and answers came today as my family was back on the road to Minnesota. We couldnt stay any longer. Tonight B received the sad news of two to eight months.

When I was alone with Thomas, I was gently honest about what was to transpire. No one in the family to this point has even mentioned the word cancer. It's beyond their grasp at the moment. Since I'm a little removed, I can say it -- with respect and sadness. Thomas and I had a long discussion about what would transpire. I knew with a brain tumor and a tumor in the lung that things were not good. The cowboy is 81 years old. I knew, I felt it. I talked. After Thomas cried and cried, I said maybe I shoudn't have told you. His eyes got huge and he said you HAVE to be honest to me, it wouldn't be fair.

The Cowboy is having moments where he's with us and then when he's not. It's sad to watch, but heartwarming when he's his old self. The day Thomas and I visited him, he was having a very bad off day. We walked in the room and he smiled and said, "Hi, Thomas!" Thomas gave him a great big hug. As a mother, I was so touched because I saw the love oozing out of Thomas in his face. Grandpa Cowboy asked him if he'd like to go get some biscuits and gravy -- a pasttime that the two boys, and B, have enjoyed in the past. Cowboy turned to me and smiled a great big grin. He then said, "You changed the color of your hair." I had to laugh! Out of all the relatives, he was the only one who noticed I had gone from golden brown to a very dark brown hair color. It made me smile and warmed me to know that he noticed that.

In the scheme of things, Cowboy has lived a long and good life. We knew this was coming as he wasn't well the past few months. But until it really hits, you don't feel it.

We're feeling the pain now.

B took Thomas and I to dinner last night to get out of the house and to be alone. We sat at a Pizza Hut and both B and I burst into tears. There we sat in a crowded restaurant, lost in our own worlds crying. I was touched because my sometimes aloof husband grabbed for my hands and said some beautiful words to me. He said this is making me appreciate those I love even more. And then the tears all started up again.

The big strong cowboy is falling and we can't catch him. Death is a part of life. But none of us are ready for the Cowboy to go. I hope (and pray) that he is not in a lot of pain. I hope that he can have a death with dignity. I wish this weren't happening.

One of my happiest memories of my Cowboy was in the late 80s, before we were married. Cowboy had invited us to his sister's house as they were branding. I soon learned branding was a very social event. While I was too timid to help catch calves, I climbed up the fence for a good view and watched the day. I grimmaced when the babies were branded because darn that had to hurt. I watched Cowboy on his horse. I knew I was watching the real thing -- the real cowboy. He helped teach young kids how to catch the calves. He taught an older cousin how to brand. He taught a niece, in medical school, how to give injections.

He wore his cowboy hat and boots with pride. I knew I was watching something special. It was a day I have never forgotten, nor have I forgotten the image of him up on his horse.

I've never seen Cowboy without his cowboy hat or boots. He always wears western wear. He knows his job, he knows his animals. He saved us from a rattle snake last summer.

Cowboy is a man of few words. He has a grin, though, with a devilish sense of humor that I have always appreciated. Cowboy and I also shared something together that no other family member could be involved on. He sat on a month-long trial as a juror in a case that I was the court reporter. I couldn't go to his house during that trial, and my judge forbade me from sending a birthday cake into the jury room on his birthday. But we had that trial we shared together. And when it was all through, we enjoyed discussing it together.

I feel so empty. I wasn't very close to the cowboy, but I liked him, he made me feel welcome into a family that I didn't always feel very welcome. He was a good man, warts and all.

Ah, cowboy, my heart is aching for you.

And so it goes

We've been trying to enjoy the last bits of summer here. The pool closes this week and we'll hit it two more times. The county fair starts today and we're going tonight. We didn't finish many of our projects for the fair and so Thomas only entered two things. Thomas designed and made a newspaper box for me. He also entered a buzzer he made in scouts. When we were at the fair yesterday entering his projects, I felt so bad that I didn't push harder to get things done.

We all vowed to enter something next year. I know I said that last year, but I really mean it. My husband is going to paint a picture. Thomas has the list of things that he was going to make for this year, and I'll have to think of something for me to enter.

We will also check out 4H. Actually, I told my husband that *he* gets that honor. I do too much with scouts, homeschool, play dates, field trips, etc. It's DH's time to take something on. To my surprise I found out that DH was in 4H when he was a kid! You learn something new every day.

All three of us are enjoying the six new hermit crabs we bought a couple weeks ago. I need to post pictures because in an ugly sort of way they are cute. I still can't hold one. I've lasted for about two seconds. I can pick them up by their shells, but they're just too creepy looking and I don't want them climbing on my hand. They are a lot of fun to watch. Many times I'll get up in the middle of the night (insomnia!) and turn the black light on and watch them. They are very active then.

Last night Thomas and I were picking up and organizing the school room. He came across his logic book, looked at the first page and freaked. What is a hertzog? I don't get it! Mom, you can't make me do this. Oh, the horror. So just for fun, I grabbed a pencil, told him to breathe and let's figure it out. I told him that when the book came I had to call dad in to help me figure out the first page. I was freaking myself because I didn't get it. Well, once he calmed down and got some oxygen in his system, I slowly read the directions and then said let's attack this head on. He looked at the page, then looked up at me and screeched: I GET IT! And he did. And then he proceeded to work the first 15 pages of our logic book within about five minutes. He wanted more, but I told him to stop because we needed to save some for school. I have a feeling I'll be buying more logic books this year. And that's okay! =)

Look! Our fantastic science experiment...

NOT.

Warning: This post shows the author has no class, no decency and extremely questionable housekeeping skills.

Further proof that I am not a domestic goddess. Went on a major grocery shopping spree and had to do a quick clean of the fridge to get it all in. This nice little item was up on its side in the far right back behind two cases of pop. Who knows how long it was there.

We all got a glimpse and said, "Cool" in unison. lol

Now if you *really* knew me, you'd know I wouldn't be showing my faulty housekeeping abilities online with photos. But I have to disprove the theory that I am a dosmestic goddess. Will this one get me off the hook?

I will admit that this was the worst thing I have ever found in my fridge in my life. But as I said, it was also cool. We all looked at it for a good five minutes. And it didn't really stink, either.